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12 month old and pregnant again??!!

22 replies

Momo36 · 02/11/2011 21:41

I have a DD who just turned 12 months and I have just found out I was pregnant. This is completely unplanned and quite a shock - I have just managed to get my head above the water so to speak... Is there anyone that could give me some words of encouragement??? I feel a bit down at the moment.

Thanks!

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messagetoyourudy · 02/11/2011 22:00

Take a deep breath................you will be alright!

What will be the actual age gap?

My DS are 22 months apart. My sister's are 20 months apart and my SIL's are 18 months apart. So it can all be bad to have them close together. I think it has many benefits, the children are very good playmates.

I found that once you are in the initial zone of having a baby/toddler slepp/routines etc. that another sibling slots in easier. The first baby is the biggest shock in the world, and I can clearly remember how tough it was. If you have reached the 1 year mark then things get easier from here on in.

Look after yourself - you are a capable woman you can do it......

messagetoyourudy · 02/11/2011 22:00

sorry - can't be all bad not can be all bad

lollystix · 02/11/2011 23:27

Congratulations.seriously you'll be fine. It's a good gap. I won't pretend it won't have it's moments but previous poster is totally right. First is the worst. Second time round is so much easier and you relax and enjoy your baby so much more.

I have a 2 year gap, then a 19 month gap and then an 18 month gap. It's mental but first really was the worst shock ever. Personally i think it would be worse to have 3-4 year gap as you start to get your life back a bit more only to lose it again. I have no life but I can see light at the end of the tunnel (ok it's another 3 years away as ds4 is only 3 weeks)Grin

madhattershouse · 02/11/2011 23:31

Congrats!! I fell for my 4th dc just after my twins turned 1yo. It was scary. I really worried I wouldn't cope. All was much easier than I had feared, dc4 fitted in with our routines easily and is a very much loved surprise extra in our family Smile

RunWorkCook · 02/11/2011 23:54

Congratulations. I realised i was pregnant with DS2 on DS1's first birthday. It was unplanned but now with DS2 14 months old I would go back in time and do it deliberately!

My two boys couldn't be closer and although the first 4 months were very hard and the next 6 were still pretty tough, it's lovely to see them really growing up together and it is now loads easier and seeing them playing together makes me melt.

Bear in mind there is a big difference between your eldest now and what they will be like when the baby arrives. I spent the first couple of months of my second pregnancy fluctuating between panic and denial, but the reality was very different. Practically, ficus on getting your eldest as self-sufficient as you can, particularly around feeding and walking.

Momo36 · 03/11/2011 14:09

Hi

Thank you your kind words. I think it will take me a while to get used to the idea... I had such a tough year with losing lots of blood at birth to thyroid issues. It took me almost a year to recover. I guess I have no one else to blame but myself for being silly and failing to protect myself...

Your comments helped me so thank you for taking time to write.

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ohbabybaby · 03/11/2011 17:54

congratulations! It is fine really, if you can cope with one you can cope with 2. Hope you have a better birth this time.

There is a recent thread with a similar age gap expected: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1326291-Please-tell-me-that-two-under-two-is-okay

Momo36 · 03/11/2011 19:49

Thanks for the thread! I'm still freaking out but this helps at lot. :)

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Pandemoniaa · 03/11/2011 19:52

You really will cope, honestly! I discovered I was pregnant with ds2 when ds1 was only 9 months old. Sure, it can be physically hard work at times but you are unlikely to have issues with jealousy and certainly my dcs like the fact that they can never a remember a time when they didn't have a brother.

dreamfeeder · 03/11/2011 19:55

I'm 16 weeks pregnant with twins. DD is 13 months now (nearly 14) She will be 18-19 months when the twins are born, depending when they decide to arrive, or whether I do go for a CS at 37 weeks which is an option.

I initially panicked, as another baby was planned, but another 2 was a real shock.

I have heard nothing but positives from parents (on here and in RL) once the second DC is of an age where they play together about the big benefits of close siblings who are developmentally more similar and care for each other and play well together. Everyone reassures me DD will be that little bit easier in another 5 months or so...

I think you'll get over the shock, DC 2 will arrive and you'll be reassuring other similar posters in 18 months time!!!

Good luck!!!

Momo36 · 04/11/2011 09:45

Thanks for your help. I woke up this morning with more of a positive outlook and it is thanks to your messages.Dreamfeeder congrats!!! Now that is something I'm sure you did not expect! :)

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rabbitstew · 04/11/2011 11:35

Many congrats. It sounds like a great gap. SO much easier to have children close in age. Why go through all the hard work of having a baby, then just as it's started being more genuinely enjoyable, you're well rested and getting your energy back and the child is genuinely interesting to talk to and play with, disrupt it with a small baby again? You'll then have less fun with the older child at an age where they really can interact with you in an interesting and surprising way, and several years extension of the tiring, stressful bit. Oh, and having another baby soon after the other, I found made me less stressed about the older one and more relaxed with the younger one, for some reason, so actually improved my state of mind. Maybe it was because I felt I wasn't such an amateur mum any more!!!

This is, of course, the biased opinion of someone who adored her babies, but found it pretty tiring and restrictive (babies and toddlers don't appreciate quite the same things that adults and older children do....) and who is loving having two boys now aged 6 and 7 who can enjoy all the things together that I actually remember enjoying myself - adventure parks, interactive museums, cinema, theatre, chasing games, silly imaginative games, talking, hobbies etc, and who are close enough in age to be genuine playmates. I can now sit them both down doing the same activity together and know that I won't have to spend the whole time trying to prevent the younger one from making a mess rather than being able to give both of them proper attention. I have a much easier time, now, than friends who have children more than 2, 3 or 4 years apart, who all look much more harassed, dragging the baby around to the older child's activities and not being able to relax, knowing that their younger child still will not be able to be trusted running off on his own into the soft play area with the older one for a few more years, yet... Also, I was one of several children, with a small gap between me and my closest db and, whilst we did argue a lot as children, the close age gap definitely made us closer, emotionally, something which I valued enough to want to repeat with my own family. If you don't either have a very small gap or a very big gap, you miss some of the fun of the middle years of your child's early childhood, imo.

Momo36 · 04/11/2011 14:41

Thanks rabbitstew that's a really good insight. I love my DD but I found the last year sooo tiring - also because of my own health issues. I think that this is partly the reason I am so concerned. I'm 37 and feel that if I did not get pregnant now I could potentially enjoy my freedom too much and not want to get back to nappies at all in the future. I'm an only child so instinctively I don't feel the push to have another baby. Having said that, I would want DD to have this incredible bond with her sibling.

What scares me also is the fact that I have just returned to work that I really enjoy. I am so happy to be able to leave the house 3 days of the week and not look back :). How on earth will I able to make it work with two small children??...

Sorry, I'm such a downer atm.... Blush

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Chaotica · 04/11/2011 16:45

I went back to work from my youngest being 7m, and went back full time when he was 11m. There's a 16m gap between my two. You'll be fine. Exhausted, but fine Grin. If you can afford a cleaner, I'd suggest getting one (I didn't, and I wish I had). And don't expect to do too much apart from family and work for a while. It's a great age gap - my DCs are such good friends. I couldn't imagine a bigger age gap working at all (even though I know it does).

Chaotica · 04/11/2011 16:46

Congrats, btw!

HettyAmaretti · 04/11/2011 16:58

You will be fine. You will get over the shock.

We actually planned a small age gap after reading a load of threads like this and much consideration. Started TTC when youngest was 8 months and got pregnant second try. So, an 18 month age gap. Even then it was a massive shock and I spent many months worried sick.

DC are now (just) 4 and 2 1/2. It's been a hard road but I'm so, so glad we did it. They're wonderful together. In retrospect I don't think I'd ever have had the balls to TTC DC2 once DC1 became bearable.

meglet · 04/11/2011 16:58

Mine are 22mo apart and we surivived.

TBH with kids that young you can set your targets pretty low for the first few months. You just need to be fed and fairly clean, if it's all too much then lots of pj days and cbeebies while you get used to it.

You won't have to be tearing off to do school runs for a while yet and it doesn't matter if your late for toddler group / nursery / childminders etc.

You will manage it, aim low and look after yourself!

pinkpeony · 04/11/2011 17:12

Hi Momo36 - I was exactly in the same position as you: found out I was pregnant again on DC1's 1st birthday (I was 37 too and 38 when DC2 born), and now have a 19 month gap between my DCs. Was back at work just over a year when DC2 born, and then went back to work again after 5.5 months. I am really glad to have the two DCs close together in age - DC2 born when I was still in the thick of baby things - think it would have been much harder to deal with the baby months again once I was out of the woods! And now it is really sweet to watch them play together. Dealing with 2 tiny kids while working is much more difficult than 1, in particular because DC2 still wakes several times a night, but it gets easier every month and things start to sort themselves out. I also feel much happier knowing the DCs have each other now when I am at work - and they really love each others' company! My social life has definitely suffered - all is family & work at the moment - but I figure that it's only for a little while longer. Get all the help at home you can afford and as much sleep as you possibly can!

MCos · 04/11/2011 18:34

Congratulations!
22 months between my two girls. No planned that way, but it has turned out to be an ideal gap for us. The girls are great friends, play really well together, and love each other to bits. Of course they do fight on a daily basis, and argue & hurt each others feelings, etc. But overall, they are really there for each other.

lollystix · 04/11/2011 20:00

I had a year off with ds3 so had 3 under 3.5 and it was tough. Found about ds4 after being back 6 weeks at work. I've just had him but going to only take 6 months this time as it's hard work.

My life is basic but it is possible to work with 3 little ones and it actually kept me sane. My greatest luxury is my cleaner - I could not cope without her. We have low standards but I can see with ds1 and 2 who are now 5 and 3 that had we have not had ds3 and ds4 we would be now out the worst if it. Oh well - wouldn't change it for the world though.

As long as everyone survives the say with all digits in tact I regard it as a success (low standards as I say)Wink

lollystix · 04/11/2011 20:00

Day - not say.

Momo36 · 06/11/2011 10:56

Thanks so much for your encouraging stories! My DP read them as well! I think that I will be in denial for some time yet but thanks to you I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. :)

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