DS playing/social skills (5yo)... or little sister problem?

[phlossie]

My DS has a real 'it's my way or the high way' attitude when it comes to playing with his friends. He's desperate to have a best friend, but when they come round for tea, his friends often end up playing with his very affable, compliant little sister and he ends up on his own.

The problem with DD is that she's very lovely and easy going. That's made DS used to dictating play, and his friends like that she'll play what they want (she's 4yo).

My attitude is, and always has been, to let my DCs and their friends get on with it and sort out their own problems, and intervene only if needed. But I'm worried DS will end up friendless, and it makes me feel a bit sad. He plays very well on his own, and I'm glad that he goes off on his own rather than throwing a tantrum if things aren't going his way. I just think a bit of empathy and compromise wouldn't go amiss.

Maybe he's too young for me to worry and I should let him work it out for himself? We don't let him get his own way generally. I'm quite strict, and he's very well behaved on the whole.

My dd1 had a period of that trouble with dd2 (3 years younger). My attitude was that dd1 needed help on the social skills and having her little sister take her friends off wasn't on, so I would limit the amount of time dd2 could play with them. I'd sometimes start them on an activity that they could all do together then send dd1 and friend off together.

It also works the other way, when dd2 has friends round then dd1 doesn't get to spend her time dominating due to age.

Hmmm...could you maybe go somewhere like a softplay where the things are kind of dictated anyway and maybe leave little sis somewhere else? Or have a really structured 'playdate' ie. you decide the activities. (I know, I hate this and can't be bothered, but could save them falling out eg. a lego competition where they both make different things. Does teacher say dynamic is like this at school too? Sounds like he's ok anyway and being on the other end, I'd prefer it this way in the long term, for the rest of his life. He sounds confident and not too emotional - he'll go far!!!

Thanks MerryMarigold! He is uber confident, not very emotional and very bright! I do sometimes wonder if this is my problem rather than his. I'm a people pleaser, like his sister, and have stacks of maybe misplaced empathy. His teacher says he's kind and gets on with everyone at school.

He's going to a friend's house next week without his sister - that definitely helps. And next time I might try taking them to the park or soft play where the play's more physical and she'd be less of a factor.

Yes, he'll prob be v successful. I joke that my ds1 will make a great husband even if he's not a high flyer - he's sensitive, passionate, emotional and very loyal!