DS is very bossy - when does it go too far?

[AKMD]

Ok, DS is only 20mo so I realise that this isn't the hugest of issues, but I'm looking for a bit of perspective. He is very verbal and he just gets bossier and bossier, to the point that the staff at his nursery are now calling him 'sir' :( If he's with me, it's "sit down, mummy," "stand up, mummy," "go and get it, mummy," "close the door, mummy," "put it in the orange cup, mummy," "get the grapes, mummy," "go on orange bus, mummy," "stay on the bus, mummy," "get on that bus, mummy," which was funny to start off with but it's been going on for months and is now really wearing me down. He's like that with everyone and if we don't immediately do what he tells us, there are major tantrums. I've tried telling him that I don't want to do whatever it is that he's telling me to do, or explaining why what he wants to happen can't happen, but most of the things are so minor that there's no real explanation other than that I don't want to be ordered around by a one year old. Is this normal? What can I do to show him that I'm the boss?

He won't really get explanations etc - too you g!

DS (2.1) goes through bossy phases - I sometimes go with it or other times tell him to do it. Or just say not now and distract. I'll respond quickly so he knows I'm listening.

Try not to think of it as a one year old bossing you about. He's testing his verbal/persuasion skills etc. Give short responses and if he kicks off, ignore or carry on with what you were doing. Try and spend time with him - focussing on playing as he wants for 20-30 mins a day so he gets his fix as it were as that might help.
What do nursery suggest?

That last bit came out a bit strangely - I don't want to show him that I'm the boss for my own satisfaction, but so that he doesn't turn into a little brat with his parents pandering to his every whim.

Oh I have one like this. He's 3. He likes to rule us and he likes to rule nursery.

It does ease off. Honestly.

At first it was funny, kinda cute. But that wore off quickly.

I used to say "Er excuse me young man what about please?" and I would say politely "No I am doing xxxxxx thank you very much."

This would lead to the most amazing tantrums. Some would last 40 mins. it was horrific and I used to look at him thinking there's something seriously wrong with this child. I think you just have to keep on doing it, very calmly.

Now he engages in conversation much more so his "Mummy sit there. Please" can get a response of "No, I would love to sit down but I am doing xxxxx, would you like to help?" And he'll chat about what we are doing and he's not so focused on being in total charge.

The tantrums are less and we are more able to divert one for developing into a full blown affair. Though they still happen.

Nursery just think it's funny but I will ask them when I pick him up today. I have him all afternoon so he gets plenty of time to order me around :)

He does understand explanations but he will think of ways round them e.g. the other day he wanted 'only socks' and wouldn't out his shoes on, so I told him that he couldn't walk to nursery if he wasn't wearing shoes. He thought about it and came back a few seconds later with 'carry me, mummy'. What can I say to that? I don't want to carry him but there's no real reason why he would have to wear shoes if I did.

Distraction works sometimes when he kicks off but generally he doesn't give up. I want to be the parent, but I don't want to resort to 'because I said so'.

Sometimes you have to tell them - no choices, no options. DS does the socks thing. I tell him he's having socks, he'll say no and carries on. Then I come back after a bit and say socks on and he's fine. Usually means I have to leave a huge amount of time before going out though sometimes he says yes or no to things but he doesn't actually mean it (hence why I don't always bother with options or asking - I have only started doing it recently but at 20 months he didn't really get it).

Back to the bossy thing - again say no when necessary or let him do it. I'd see what nursery say and whether they see this behaviour and ignore or help deal with it?