I could post in potty training, but I thought I'd try here (for a change!)
DS1 never seemed to know when he needed the toilet and after a few failed attempts we finally gave it a serious try at 3.6 yo. Apart from maybe a few weeks of no accidents a few months in, he has never been reliable and needs reminding to go and will say he doesn't need to go, then have an accident straightaway. He is still in nappies at night.
Poos are a particular difficulty (although we get wee accidents regularly too!) - we know he needs one, he probably knows he does, but if we make him sit on the toilet, he gets upset, and then he will do one in his pants. He was quite good at nursery apart from the odd occasion, and since starting school in September, i'd say he has on average 3 accidents a week there, and more at home.
After a bad day last week, where he held in his poo all day then did it in his pants, we got very cross with him. After that he would take himself to the toilet and do it all himself no problem (we gave lots of praise). So he can do it. Back to school today and he came home with 2 sets of pooey pants/trousers, and poo all over his bottom. I am a bit cross and upset that he was left in that state (since lunchtime) but I can also understand why they didn't clean him. He then did a further one in his pants at home...
After a year of this, I am at a loss to know what to do for the best. Anyone else been through this? Do you think it is worth getting medical help? His usual response is that "it keeps coming out" but surely after a year he should understand the signals and act on them?