DD (4 yrs) says she feels sad all the time

[weeonion]

our dd is a fabbly curious little character. She has never been the dissolve into giggles kinda kid but of late she keeps saying that she feels sad. When we try and talk about what that feels like, where is it coming from, what is she thinking of etc - she cant put it into words. It makes me worry that she is feeling like this and i am not sure what we do to help her build resilience to this.

any advice?

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Ask her to draw a picture. You may get an insight into it there. Has she gone back to school? Has she been watching any particular film? Disney can be a bit gut-wrenching for an adult!

I don't really know but I'm not sure you should read too much into it. Maybe she's just enjoying the attention it gets? My ds, also 4, keeps saying he's tired all the time but it coincides with being asked to do things, like get dressed, I don't think he really is tired. Do you think your dd is really sad, just from observing her generally?

I think you can labour the point too much, not making light of concern at all, please understand there may be legitimate reasons why she feels sad, but like most things with children it is possibly a good idea to spend time doing things, talking and generally enjoying yourselves without referring back to 'are you ok?'

after such a question there is nowhere to go iyswim
unless there is a specific problem she is unlikely to be sad all the time

sorry if this comes out the wrong way I don't mean to be dismissive at all, it is quite hard to deal with the emotions they display as they grow up and become more aware of their feelings

she says it quite a lot and generally yes - her mood will have been low or a bit "meh" before she says it. She will bring it up herself and we dont linger on it but talk about it when she says this.

i think the picture is a good idea.

I suppose i am being a bit paranoid. of course we want our kids to be happy and they cant be that all the time. she is quite an introverted wee girl at times and i worry that this is connected.

maybe i just worry too much!

Have you had anything obvious happen that you though she might either 'be over' or not have really taken in (death in the family/miscarriage/friend moving away) it can have been quite a while ago...?

chipping - her granny died in may. she was close to her and does say very often that she misses her granny. Generally when she is missing her granny or feeling sad - she is able to link the feelings to / with that.

we have tried to follow all the advice about kids grieving with her.

I'm sorry, but I really don't get why you are confused that she is often sad?

She's clearly and understandably still grieving for her Granny :( I suspect that sometimes when you ask 'what's up' she can't say exactly why she's sad at that moment she just misses her Granny and wants her back and doesn't understand where she's gone or why she can't come back or often why she doesn't want to come back (they often think it's a choice someone has made) :( As adults it's hard enough to process, I think 4 is about the worst age.

There are some good books out there to help her though this.

Do you talk about Granny in positive ways? Does she feel able to talk about Granny when she wants to or does it always end up with the topic being changed/grown ups crying?

from what you just said there is an obvious reason, give it time and talk about granny in a happy positive way, it helps

my daughter started talking about death at about the same age and being worried about it, this was because the father of a friend of hers died suddenly, she still worries about it but although we talk about it, we try to keep it normal, as in part of life, ok to be sad sometimes, glad we are all together now and enjoy it now

hi folks - sorry i didnt get back yesterday and Chipping - as i was typing that _ i had my own Doh! moment.

we talk about her gran quite a bit. it is always positive about how much they loved each other. We laugh about their funny adventures together and look through a scrapbook i made for dd about her gran.

i suppose i just hadnt really connected it.

It's hard :(

You forget/don't realise how deeply things affect them sometimes. They often appear to just accept things and get on with it - but they clearly think about some things for a long time and at strange times - some of the things they come out with are so incredible.

They hear what you have told them, they say 'OK' but they really don't get what 'forever' means. I could tell you some very sad little stories, but I'm sure you have enough of your own :( Their grief is heartbreaking because they simply cannot understand that the person who has died didn't choose to go away and they can't choose to come back again

It's good that you can talk to her about how much they loved each other & the things they did - it's so important to keep the memories alive for them, they can't do it on their own. The scrap book sounds lovely.

At least you can stop worrying about why she's sad and you don't have to worry that it's anything else.

Lots of love & hugs to you all - it's hard x

thanks chipping.