Concerned about 6yr old sons temper tantrums, what is a suitable punishment?

[buterflies]

My son is quite emotionally immature and has gone back to throwing temper tantrums over the slightest little thing.
For example this morning he woke up in a good mood and then for a unknown reason, just flipped and decided to become a monster. He wouldnt eat breakfast and was throwing his shoes around the house in protest as he had left it to go soggy and didn't want soggy breakfast.

He eventually ate it as no way was I making any more, he cried all the way to school as he couldn't face walking that far (we live 5 -6 mins away) and he wouldn't go into school. I had to plonk him in front of his teacher and walk away.

I have said to him that he cannot have a pumpkin to carve tonight and that he is not watching any TV and he has to go to bed early. Am I being harsh? I really want to stop this behaviour before it becomes the norm for him.

He is in Yr 2 at school so I think he should be more mature by now??

We had a change in behaviour in our 6 year old, immature Y2 boy recently. The week before 1/2 term he seemed to hurt someone in school almost every day. Scratching, destroying work, spitting into his best friend's face because he didn't want to play a game anymore. Each day we went in apologising to someone. This is not his nature, something must be not quite right for him.

His teacher said socially he is absolutely fine, but that DS is not listening to instructions, and she agreed that there is more pressure on them in Y2 (there are SATS at the end) and I have a suspision that DS is not coping very well. He just wants to play and that is less and less possible in Y2. Thinking back, he also hit out at his little sister (3) during the last couple of weeks, I was quite strict about hitting and he stopped it after a while, but maybe he has now taken it into school.

Is it possible that school is too much for your DS at the moment? Remember that they are only 6 and at this age in most countries children are just starting out, whereas here they are in their 3rd year and are pushed to achieve for SATS.

Have there been any changes in your home? I would also ask the teacher whether he is fine in school.

There should be a consequence for his behaviour, but I would also try and talk to him about whether he is happy and likes school, or whatever he might talk about.

gabid I do think he struggles sometimes with the amount of work. Not so much the level of work, rather like your son, he would much rather be playing than working. His teacher says he is doing fine at school, both with his work and socially, however she does say he can be a bit lazy at times.

He has rather a complex family situation, to cut a long story short, his dad has two older DD and two step sons. He split from their mother for around 6 years in which time my DS was born and now he is back with the girls mum and they have a newborn.

To make matters even more complicated, I am pregnant and DS has obviously had a lot to deal with. However he seems settled, he sees his dad every week and has a good relationship with both of us and my partner too.

I constantly reassure him that he is very important to me and also his dads side of the family and remind him that he is very special to his step dad too. He seemed really happy and then bam, he suddenly decides to act up.

I had a good talk with him last night but he doesn't seem to be able to express his feelings into words, which is to be expected at age 6. He was a lot happier this morning though so hopefully it has done the trick. At least for now...

I don't think I would punish for this. I think I'd try and help him to find better ways to vent his anger/frustration. I think you need to deal with the root cause of this behaviour.

A talk helped? Maybe it helped him feeling closer to you, understood and you have shown him that you care.

Sometimes I feel people say thay care but seem too busy to show it, and then it can be hard to believe. Am I making sense?

My DS seemed fine after 1/2 term, so I think it might be stress. Also the teacher asked him to sit at the front so he can hear better. DS welcomed that and did it by himself. Also, DS's teacher said that he has been coming to tell her if someone annoyed him and that she may only have heard one side of the story before, despite the fact that hitting or scratching is not acceptable in any event. I think I still might take him to the doctors to check his hearing. But, if it was stress then it may all reoccur.

Well things seem to be settling down at school, however at home things have come to a head with my son accusing my partner of hitting him. I have managed to speak to a paediatrition about this and he has been referred to a educational psychologist.

I think he is still confused about his role in the family, with a new baby coming along maybe he feels a bit threatened.

However as we speak he is sitting on my partners knee quite happily chatting away to him.

I am just relieved to be getting some help for him, we are also going to parenting classes to get some ideas of how to deal with his behaviour in a consistant and fair manner.