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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Was I too hard with him? 2.5 year old DS

23 replies

BagofHolly · 29/10/2011 00:19

DS1 is 2.5 and I have baby twins too. We were going to the park this morning and it's a bit of a mission to get out. He was looking forward to seeing his friend who we'd arranged to meet and was excited. Got there and I let him out of the car and said he could run round but don't go near the puddles as he didn't have wellies on. I was trying to assemble the pram, but it jammed, I hurt my hand and I also realised I'd left my purse and the twins' raincover at home. Things weren't going well. I warned DS1 that if he went in the puddles he'd get wet and we'd have to go home. He heard me. He said "no puddles". And minutes later then jumped in one, soaking himself to the knees. It was the final straw and I said we'd have to go home as it was freezing and he was soaking. I was so frustrated and to my shame I shouted at him telling him i was very cross.
He cried, and we came home. DH was there and asked why we were home so soon. DS1 said "I jumped in puddles. All wet."
I felt AWFUL - he's 2.5 and maybe couldn't resist, and maybe forgot he didn't have his wellies. DH says I'm too soft, he understands perfectly well and that I'd warned him but he still played up, and so I had to follow through.
But who is right?

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SolidGoldVampireBat · 29/10/2011 00:21

No, I don't think you were too hard on him. You didn't hit him or tell him he's a horrible child you wish you hadn't ever had, or anything. 2/5 is old enough to learn that if you do naughty things there are consequences (and he is old enough to understand that you told him not to jump in a puddle and that jumping in a puddle is naughty).
Leave it where you left it, give him a hug in the morning, everything will be fine.

usualsuspect · 29/10/2011 00:25

Hes 2

A puddle is hard to resist when you are 2

Its not his fault you forgot the rain cover and your purse

BertieBotts · 29/10/2011 00:26

Hmmm, I do think it is very hard for them to control their impulses at this age. And puddles in particular are so very tempting. I probably would have stuck with the natural consequence of him being cold and probably uncomfortable, and maybe cut the trip short, if he was shivering or something, but not come home straight away. It wasn't that cold today in the sun, at least not here.

Still, don't be hard on yourself, it's done now, you had to follow through once you'd told him you were going home, and it must be stressful with baby twins too. Tomorrow is another day :) (And keep a spare pair of wellies in the car for next time!)

frutilla · 29/10/2011 00:27

Well you had no choice if he got soaked to the knees as he might have got sick if you let him play for a long time in the cold. I think you did the right thing. He was warned and he got told off, don't feel bad...

usualsuspect · 29/10/2011 00:27

Pick your battles

Original poster

BagofHolly · 29/10/2011 00:29

OMG I'd never even think things like that! He's my PFB, which is probably part of the trouble! He's fine, trotted off to nursery later, perfectly happy. I just felt such a cow - if I hadn't been so frustrated I might have handled it more calmly. I just worry that I expect too much of him.

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 29/10/2011 00:31

next time take his wellies

Original poster

BagofHolly · 29/10/2011 00:32

Sorry, cross posted. Thanks for your reassurance. I've just peeped in at him. I adore every atom and he looks so peaceful and yet I beat myself up with guilt! He plays up the most when I'm stuck doing other things - seeing to the babies, unjamming the pram etc and today I just seemed to be saying "no" and "don't" much more than usual. Poor sausage!

OP posts:

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 29/10/2011 00:38

Both & neither

He's 2.5, old enough to understand and clearly he did (he repeated what you said and told his Daddy) - so you told him what the consequence would be of jumping in the puddle, he did it, you followed through. You did the right thing from that perspective however I would have just said to him 'We don't have your wellies today, so it would be better not to jump in the puddles as you will get wet, then you will get cold & when you get too cold we'll have to go home'.

Then I would have just let him play, met with your friend and stayed until he got too cold. You get a cold from a virus, not from jumping in puddles without wellies. He could have gone in a warm bath when you got home.

It's not a big deal anyway - and he will understand you say what you mean :)

usualsuspect · 29/10/2011 00:38

Aww it must be hard work

Find him a big puddle to jump in with his wellies on

Tommy · 29/10/2011 00:42

if he's anything like my boys, in a couple of years time, he will jump in all the (big) puddles - usually known as ponds - whatever he is wearing on his feet....

Don't beat yourself up about it. I can't imagine how hard it is with a 2 year old and baby twins as well. He won't remember it as being important

MrsDobalina · 29/10/2011 10:48

Seriously, you deserve a medal if this is the first time you've shouted at him like this - I only have one baby and a 2.5yr old and I'm finding it a struggle, let alone twins! You handled it fine, you weren't being too harsh and it sounds like he's completely forgotten about it anyway. My DS definitely understands simple cause and effect like this and it sounds like yours does too. The muddy puddles peppa pig episode helps. I also take spare clothes everywhere as boots are really a token gesture when you're lying face down in a puddle. But I can't complain as he'll point out "but mummy, wearing boots!"

Familydilemma · 29/10/2011 11:47

Very easy to say "bring the wellies next time". At times my priority is remembering my full quota of children!

BertieBotts · 29/10/2011 12:12

I know the feeling, Fd - hence spare pair in the car!

hardboiledpossum · 29/10/2011 12:24

I don't think I would have gone home. I think you learn better from natural consequences, so if he was a bit wet and cold he would be less likely to jump in puddles in the future. However, I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You didn't do anything wrong and your reaction was completely understandable.

Familydilemma · 29/10/2011 12:42

Bertie-wellies or children

GhoulishGlendaFestersAgain · 29/10/2011 15:07

DS is 2.10 and he would not have been able to resist a puddle. Wellies or no wellies. I would have just let him get wet TBH. He won't melt.

Very aggravating though, when you are already feeling harassed due to the forgotten raincover and hurt hand/forgotten purse, they all mount up and it can seem like the last straw, can't it.

I think that on another day, when things had gone smoothly, it wouldn't have seemed like a big deal. Be kind to yourself, you got out with baby twins and a toddler, that's an achievement in itself [hgrin]

pranma · 29/10/2011 15:30

you can pick up wellies ver cheaply[charity shop?]-dd keeps spare pair+ socks in the car-mind you she actively encourages puddle jumping and has been known to jump with them!
Dont beat yourself up-he knew why you brought him home-he may listen next time.

Rosa · 29/10/2011 15:33

I think you did exactly the right thing

dycey · 29/10/2011 20:30

Oh god I have a 2.5 year old boy and just one small baby and every evening I relive the day and feel awful for how I've managed it.... It's ok to not be perfect! It's bloody stressful having a toddler and a baby (or two)... Be kind to yourself. This is how we all grew up (certainly how I did as youngest of 4 - with a loving but slightly frazzled mother). It's normal a d healthy to be good enough but not perfect.

rattling · 31/10/2011 20:42

As someone with 2.5 year old twin boys I can totally understand getting frustrated and cross. Perhaps it was a little unnecessary to come home straight away - but he knew why it was happening, won't have done him any harm.

As for not coming out with everything you might need for the morning? I have forgotten nappies and milk (different days) when my twins were small.

tigerlillyd02 · 02/11/2011 16:56

I think you did the right thing. You gave a warning and followed it through. It wasn't a harsh punishment. Where ypeopple go wrong is when they give a warning and don't follow it through and continue allowing the child to play regardless. Then they never listen.

thisisyesterday · 02/11/2011 17:00

i don't think you did anything wrong, although personally if it were me i'd have just gone with it and let him splash away, then stripped him off and taken him home.

kids LOVE splashing in puddles and he'd have had a great time, even if he was soaking wet.

but no, i don't think you were too hard on him per se

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