At what age is it reasonable to expect a child not to touch things?

[Caligyulea]

I was watching house of tiny tearaways the other day and there was a bowl of sweets placed within reach of the very small children, which they weren't allowed to touch without permission. I think a couple of them were pre-school. And I thought "how bloody ridiculous, to expect any child that young to leave those sweets alone".

Later on, DD (3 and a half) opened a box of liqueurs that I'd left on the table about to wrap up as a christmas present for some friends. Ho hum, that meant I had to eat all the liqueurs (what a shame, have just finished the last one which made me remember the incident and post) and was one present down. After the initial scream of horror, I immediately thought "my fault for leaving them there" and then thought of Dr. Tanya and her bowl of sweets and thought, actually, should I expect her to know she should ask permission? I think she's still too young.

Am I right, or is Dr. Tanya? How old can you expect them to "leave things alone"?

I thought the same

I would say that by 4 they should be able to leave things alone when told but there would be exceptions

dd2 (3) would not open or touch a box of chocs that she knew were not hers

and she would ask to open them even if they were hers

I think in a sense the question is strange and doesn't have that much to do with real parenting. I tend to think of things in terms of results ie the result I want is for them not to eat the chocolates. what is the easiest way to achieve the result I want? hide them. Obviously this doesn't happen all the time, I forget, get distracted etc. But if I know a situation is likely to be difficult I avoid it. I don;t think in terms of what should/should not happen, I think in terms of what will happen. I think in my case dds wouldn't actually eat the chocs without asking but they would drive me mad asking....and asking why not etc etc. If there is something I don;t wnat them to do I try to avoid the opportunity arising. [retreats while waiting for someone to tell me my children will never learn...]

ds1 is 4 next week and he's not touched stuff he shouldn't (unless to annoy me on purpose) since he was about 2.5 -3yrs.
ds1 is 15m and his eyes are on the ends of his fingers so he has to touch to look

it depends on the personality of the child IME. ds1 has never been a problem but ds2 is very curious about new 'interesting' stuff such as the saxophone dh bought himself for Xmas. I came into the room to find ds2 entwined around the stand, using it as a space-ship [aaagghhh] whilst the sax lay abandoned on the floor

neither child will touch sweets or chocolate lying around on low tables etc though

But why don't your children touch stuff they shouldn't?

Simply because that's their personality, or because you've got a foolproof method (that I would like to know about) of ensuring that it doesn't happen?

And if the foolproof method is tidyness and always remembering to keep things out of reach, then I'm doomed...

Our children don't touch either (neither does the dog). Makes me mad when I have to clear stuff out of the way for other peoples' children when they visit - never did/do it with my own - but much prefer hiding the pens to having them all over the walls! Ggggrrrr!

DS1 (6) touches everything; ds2 only does when encouraged by ds1 (ds2 is 5 in a few weeks), except when shopping when he requires total attention or he'll lick raw fish / meat / etc.

I figure if I don't want it touched, don't let them near it.

I'm sure personality is a big part. Some children run down the street, others want to hold hands and walk, some children are fussy eaters, others' aren't, some children are afraid of the dark, others are not.

I don't watch house of the tiny tearaways, but had I been a parent in that house, I'd have whipped those sweets out of touching range asap. Someone tell me - did any parent do this, and if not, why not!!!!

My little boy is just over 2 and can generally be relied upon not to touch things eg, he was told not to touch the Christmas tree unless mummy or daddy were there, incase it fell down and he hasn't.
He did pick up some sweets but didn't eat one, he brought them to me and asked for one
He can't be relied upon not to pick up pens though

DD is exactly two. She was told not to touch the Xmas tree lights, and didn't - she learnt early on that some things are not for touching because they could hurt. As long as she's given a good reason (a simple one) she's pretty good. That said, my stepmother showed her her dolls house today: its a big, grown-up model house (not my cup of tea at all, but hey!)with lights blah blah....then she told her not to touch it. That was hard - DD got a dolls house for Xmas and loves playing with it, being shown a great 'toy' and then being told 'don't touch' seemed a bit mean to me. Not sure she'd keep away from chocolates and not about to try, but then again, not sure I could either...

agree with tigermoth.
Personality is the key.... not everyone naturally conforms to rules.. and what is wrong with that?

Without questioning/nonconformist people there would be no change in society.

But, it is a lot harder to deal with children who question and query all the time.

But children are like dogs ie say NO enough times and they will eventually listen.

I do like HOTT but, it is a tv programme... edited highlights for, well, essentially entertainment viewing.

I think it can help.. but can also hinder.

Some parents doing their best are told otherwise by tanya 'gurus' + everyone now apparently knows the correct way to do it (courtesty of parenting tv!)

I meant NOT LIKE DOGS....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

this drinkfest is over very soon.

(January is dry.. so plse keep asking if you see me here!!)

I'm with everyone who says it's down to personality to a large extent. With ds1 we told him "no" from when he first started reaching out. And every time we said "no" he added that to his list of things not to touch. DS1 would never take a sweet unless he's been given permission (the child won't get out of bed unless we say he can - his rule, not ours - we'd prefer it if he did!). If someone gives him a sweet he checks with us when he can eat it, or decides for himself he'll save it for later. He has will power well beyond me!

Ds2 is now 7 months and is the opposite. He touches everything, will not take "no". After having never had to take anything away from ds1 we are now having to move things from ds2 a lot - and he can't even crawl yet!

I am determined though that he will learn. Our tactic is to say "no" firmly, then praise him when he removes his hand (even if we remove it) and then redirect him to something he can play with. But with ds2 it is going to be a long and tough job, and like others have said, we will do our best to remove as many temptations as possible!

fisiltoe, my jaw is on the floor as I read about your DS1: "adds to the list of things not to touch" - OMG. I have only had dd (who is like your ds2) and cannot quite believe that a little person like your DS1 exists - where do I go to trade ?

I don't think keeping things out of temptation's way is over-the-top. Any parent who believes in childproofing must surely subscribe to this in some way. Also, with a child with itchy fingers, it is not that they will not have the opportunity to learn not to touch or to respect others' property. We are just reducing situations of conflict until the child is old enough to have self-control. Can't imagine every other sentence coming out of my mouth being a "don't touch that" .

Unicorn, agree that parenting TV has pat answers but ... they do not work for everyone.

Well bang goes my smugness. While I was at work this morning DS went into the living room and helped himself to a chocolate orange segment and then offered one to DD. All within earshot (but not sight) of DH. DH and I are both and at this. Very out of character for DS.

I know Blueshoes - he's incredible, isn't he! Luckily dp and I both had much younger brothers so we knew that ds1 was an exception. And don't get to thinking that he is therefore perfect - he manages to find oh so many other ways to try mummy and daddy's patience!

Ds1 has always been very good (though I do recall an incident - I think he was about 2 - where he got a box of After Eight mints out of the fridge, hid under the dining room table with them and stuffed his face That was definitely a one-off though). Ds2 has been harder to 'train' not to touch stuff but will always ask for biscuits/chocolates/fruit etc - I've never known him help himself. But I think leaving bowls of sweets and chocolates out and expecting little ones not to touch is just too much temptation and a very unfair test!

Am also amazed at people who have wrapped presents under the tree before Christmas - I'm not sure mine could resist that kind of temptation either!

That's odd, I had wrapped christmas presents under the tree and they were fine with that. I suppose because I had specifically explained that they mustn't be opened until Christmas day, DD understood that she mustn't open them, whereas if I hadn't told her, she would have done - whereas DS would have asked first.

My two (8 and 5) have always been extremely good about not touching what they shouldn't. The presents were all temptingly left under the tree, the tree had chocs on it and little sweets, they have an easily accessible sweetie jar in the kitchen for treats and they didn't touch a thing.

However....they did pull each and every cracker that I had been keeping for NYE. Just goes to show, they can all act out ofcharacter and I will never be a smug mummy cos they're always going to keep me on my toes Ggrrrrrr

my 20 month old - knows not to touch things - but still does saying no! at the same time.