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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

At what age is it reasonable to expect a child not to touch things?

48 replies

Caligyulea · 28/12/2005 20:26

I was watching house of tiny tearaways the other day and there was a bowl of sweets placed within reach of the very small children, which they weren't allowed to touch without permission. I think a couple of them were pre-school. And I thought "how bloody ridiculous, to expect any child that young to leave those sweets alone".

Later on, DD (3 and a half) opened a box of liqueurs that I'd left on the table about to wrap up as a christmas present for some friends. Ho hum, that meant I had to eat all the liqueurs (what a shame, have just finished the last one which made me remember the incident and post) and was one present down. After the initial scream of horror, I immediately thought "my fault for leaving them there" and then thought of Dr. Tanya and her bowl of sweets and thought, actually, should I expect her to know she should ask permission? I think she's still too young.

Am I right, or is Dr. Tanya? How old can you expect them to "leave things alone"?

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stitch · 28/12/2005 20:29

yOu r right

feastofsteven · 28/12/2005 20:32

You're right. How many of us grown ups find it hard to resist tempation with chocolate/sweets etc

moondog · 28/12/2005 20:38

God,sorry to sound smug but I think this is reasonable.
My dd (5) asked permission to open her pillowcase from Father Christmas (honestly!)

That makes me sound like I run a brutal regime,but I don't I swear....

Mincepiedermama · 28/12/2005 20:46

I have really messed up on this one. No matter how many times I tell them not to, my kids always take the kitchen scissors and my pens and touch stuff on my desk.
I really don't think the 3 year old can help himself, but the 7 and 5 year olds really should respect my wishes by now.
The toruble is I find the scissors gone and have no idea who has done it or when they did it.
I'll be watching this thread.

jinglinggoblin · 28/12/2005 20:51

i think 3.5 is old enough for certain things, but something which is not normally there and she hs not specifically been told to stay away from is fair game. if you have a cupboard they have always been told not to touch it is reasonable that she would remember that i think.

7 is old enough to know not to touch scissors. my 5 year old will usually come and get me to tell me if i have left things like that out cos he knows ds3 (18m) shouldnt be able to reach. he occasionally forgets, but is usually very good. all depends on the child. ds2 is often more sensible than ds1 who is 18m older.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 28/12/2005 20:52

Bob knows he can touch his toys, everything in his bedroom and wardrobe and food that's on his plate, in his snack box or we hand to him. He knows he can touch the remote control if his DVD turns off while we are out of the room. And that's it. I am not sure why he doesn't touch stuff he shouldn't - he just has incredible self control.

Perhaps it was the thousands of itterations of "not for Bob" when he was very little.

I'm not sure he would leave a bowl of thomas the tank engine kinnerton chocolates alone though!

charlietherednosedpussy · 28/12/2005 20:58

Think I was blessed but neither of my girls went round touching things they shouldnt, switching the tv on and off...lunging for coffee cups etc etc etc all those things other peoples kids did and I was very thankful. DD1s constant temper tantrumming over nothing more than made up for it though
I wouldnt leave sweets on a table and say no dont touch to any age, but theres a cupboard full of goodies in the kitchen that my dds know they have to ask to get something out of there always has been and theres never been as issue with them crawling in and grabbing stuff. They have to ask and thats that.
Other peoples kids always seemed to think that as there were sweets/crisps biscuits in there and they could open the door and reach it that it was a free for all.
Er no.

charlietherednosedpussy · 28/12/2005 20:59

Spidermama I would give your kids a desk tidy for themselves somewhere and tell them its thiers, and thier responsibility to look after and if they cant can thier own scissors then tough.

Clayhead · 28/12/2005 21:00

...but didn't hott have the sweets left there as they knew the kids would touch them but wanted to see how the parents would deal with it?

That's what I thought anyway!

HRHQueenOfQuelNoel · 28/12/2005 21:02

I'm with Moondog - on this one - I think pre-schoolers can and should be expected not to touch certain things.

DS1 (5) knows not to touch anything that's not his - unless we ask him too, and DS2 (who's just turned 2) still does touch things he shouldn't - but is getting a lot better.

Original poster

Caligyulea · 28/12/2005 21:04

Ah - you may be right Clayhead. I missed the first bit.

I think DD is quite good at knowing she's not allowed to touch certain things which I've specified (like glass), but usually only seems to take that in after I've had a fit of the screaming abdabs. And if I haven't specified, then it literally doesn't seem to occur to her to check if she's allowed to touch.

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bigbaubleeyes · 28/12/2005 21:21

I thought that was tuff of Tanya to do that I watch almost all of her stuff I am a fan BUT i do recall it was more to see how the parents would discipline there children in repsonse to what was quite a cruel temptation (she who ate nearly all the marzipan before decorating recent xmas cake and had to buy more!

However I think its reasonable to teach children not to touch things but this was something 'different' and rather 'tempting'. I absolutely think scissors should not be touched or moved that is clearly a safety issue.

bigbaubleeyes · 28/12/2005 21:22

I mean it was me who ate the marzipan 'close bracket'

moondog · 28/12/2005 21:22

bbe..is the baby here yet??? I'm guessing not...

WideWebWitch · 28/12/2005 21:24

I think school age, so five ish, is about right but even then, it's up to adults not to leave dangerous things lying around i.e. medicine. So pre schoolers not allowed to touch bowls of sweets left in full view is totally unreasonable imo. A lot of adults don't have impulse control where sweets are concerned, bit much to expect it of a 4yo!

bigbaubleeyes · 28/12/2005 21:29

No MOONDOG had a bit of a day - cudn't have sweep, head is not down and have induction date. Basically got our hopes up and feel upset adn weepy - have started a 'positive induction sotry' thread and have had gud replies.

Thanks for asking.

Sorry for hijacking folks.

moondog · 28/12/2005 21:32

Ah....know that fed up and stuffed to the seems feeling so well.
Listen,just make the most of the last few days/hours of peace. He/she will be here very soon.

bigbaubleeyes · 28/12/2005 21:33

I'm trying - had bad toenail job from DH have been out and bought more books to read!

Bozza · 28/12/2005 22:01

Well I have had the Christmas chocolates on the floor in the dining room next to the kid's new toys since Christmas Day and neither of them has touched or tried to or even asked for chocolate in that time unless they have caught me trying to have a sneaky one. They are 4.10 and 1.7. Didn't occur to me that they would. I have offered them chocolate at snack times and after meals and they have eaten it.

Now I think DD is a bit young for this concept but would be very cross with DS if he taken them and the same would have applied this time last year.

tensing · 28/12/2005 22:27

It's perfectly resonable to expect them not to touch sweets at that age, mine have not taken anything not belonging to them for a long time, they were probably around two the last time they did.

blueshoes · 28/12/2005 22:54

I try to keep the no-touch items to a bare minimum eg hot drinks/surfaces, glass, knives and other sharp objects - which I keep out of dd's reach anyway. Otherwise, most things are fair game with an occasional reminder to be gentle. Granted dd is still a toddler but I don't think I will change my expectations too much even when she is older. She can touch, so long as she is careful (age appropriate), If not, the offending item will be quietly removed.

I've seen toddlers who were taught not to touch anything that is not theirs eg mum's handbag. The amount of time needed to police that is extraordinary.

I feel Tanya's leaving a bowl of sweets out is plain mean.

emily05 · 28/12/2005 23:29

I think that the reason dr tanya leaves out the sweets is to see if 1. the parents can enforce rules and 2. how they handle their children when they are disciplining. I thinking that it is her way of assessing their parenting quickly! (harsh for the children though!)

colditz · 29/12/2005 10:18

My 2.8 year old touches things that are not his all the time, and I think whether your child does or not is, until a certain age, luck of the draw.

He doesn't, however, throw tantrums often. I get one every couple of weeks. And I also think that is luck of the draw as well.

It depends what sort of child you have. I don't think it is mean to leave them out and expect parents to stop the children though, children see things they can't have all the time, in shops etc, you have to be able to tell them no and mean it.

Glitterygook · 29/12/2005 10:40

You're right - if you leave something valuable or edible in reach of a child of, I'd say under 4 at least, and then tell them not to touch it, you've had it!

No way could ds2 (just 3) keep his hands off food if it was within reach! Ds1 could - he's 4.8.

Original poster

Caligyulea · 29/12/2005 14:45

So those of you whose children under about 4 or 5 don't touch things, how did you get them to be like that?

I've just realised, my DS never touches things and he's 6, but thinking about it, he never did, so I'm inclined to agree with Colditz that it may be a personality thing. But if your child has a personality which insists on touching, nosing around etc., how do you enforce them not touching things without asking first?

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