2 year old bullying his older brother !

[puffylovett]

How do I 'discipline' my 2 year old?

He kicks, punches, pinches, pulls hair. Most of the time because he's trying to play fight with the bigger boys, but also when he doesn't get his own way or when he's being told off.

His older brother was never like this and I haven't parented them any differently ! OK maybe I'm a bit more indulgent with DS2 (but he is as totally & utterly cute as a button when he's not busy beating up his brother)

I've never really done the naughty step as I just don't see the relevance to the crime he's committed.... I'm currently confiscating toys and just removing him firmly from the situation, telling him firmly we don't hit/kick/punch/ and getting him to say sorry. But it doesn't appear to be sinking in.... and his brother is a teensy bit on the sensitive side... !! He will happily go on the step for a time out and sit patiently, but I reeeeeally don't see it as a method of teaching him how to behave.

Bit worried that his favorite toys at the mo are his older brothers 'gun' (present) and mini toy soldiers !!!!

Any advice?

(Oh and if you can tell me how to stop him waking every 90 mins and breastfeeding through the night, that would be good too )

Sorry no advice but I have a 3yr old DD who constantly picks on her brother who is 5 and very sensitive. Half term has been loads of fun...Not.

Marking my place because I too have two boys with the same character types as yours, a sensitive 8 yr old and a very confident 2 yr old! The physical aspect hasn't got as bad (yet!) but mainly becausees I have made myself hoarse controlling the squabbles!

(becausees?? )

DS is also 2 (+sensitive 6 year old sister) and we have had some success with naming emotions e.g. when you kiss me it makes me feel happy -cue exaggerated big smile and if he hurts I pretend to cry a little - a kiss makes it better again. We name his emotions too - oh you must be happy, oh you are feeling sad. Today he heard his sister coughing in her room and got up from his bedtime story to give her a kiss and cuddle voluntarily. Doesn't work all the time and I feel like a total twat doing it, but he doesnt hurt nearly so much now.

With DD I told her to shout 'OW!' loudly at first and then get up and move away which shocked him out of it. After a while I encouraged her to use her voice to tell him calmly to stop as he hit her, she shrieked and made a fuss and then he did it some more. Now she says 'DS please don't do X, it makes me sad/its messing up my picture' and it seems to have calmed the whole thing down. Plus there is lots of 'look, DS wants to play with you because he thinks you are so fabulous, what you are doing is a lot of fun'

I also have some games and things which they do together e.g. Pop up Pirate, Duplo, imaginative games like tent building/pulling all the cushions off the sofa.

I bloody hate the energy I have to pour into it though, why can't they just be nice to each other.

Oh glad it's not just me then

Wellies I feel like I've lost my voice too !

Matronalia thanks for that, we're finding it really hard to get DS1 to 'be the bigger man (he's only 4 fgs)' as his immediate response is to yell and kick out, so they just wind up having a huge scrap. I can see how the calm approach would calm things down, especially the walking away (although he does that quite a lot, usually to come and find me and whine that DS2 isn't sharing...)

Generally they play fantastically together, especially at wrecking the sofas it's just that DS2 wants to do whatever DS1 is doing IMMEDIATELY if you please (and often vice versa, DS2 is at that developing imagination stage which gets DS1 interested and usually means squabbles over toys...)

Not looking forward to winter, They are really outdoorsy sorts. Thank f**k I have a neighbour with 2 kids the same age, who adores my pair....it really lightens the load for us both :)

My DD2 is the same. It's quite funny as I hear DD1 say "we don't hit, you wouldn't want me or Mummy or Daddy to hit you would you? No, because our hands are bigger so it would hurt more!"
I get DD2 to say sorry immediately, or if she won't then she sits on the step for 2 minutes. It relates to the crime as if she can't play nicely, she can't play at all. She doesn't really get a lot from it, so I know why you feel it's pointless, but the consistency means she will learn eventually that hitting etc have a negative consequence. It's as simple as that.
Hitting, kicking etc are simply NOT allowed. I'm so happy that DD1 has never resorted to just hitting back. She was no angel at 2 and had regular trips to the naughty step, but is fine now at 4 and rarely has to sit there (once a week/fortnight compared to DD2s once/twice a day).

Interesting replies :)

I think most of us will agree that it is a nice age gap and nice relationships are coming out of it. The tender protective big sibling with the hero worshipping little one is especially nice! [soppy] But the need to be equal (in my youngest) ends up in frustration for him, sadly sometimes coming out as hitting, is too upsetting for the eldest, who knows he can't reciprocate. And the youngest is a sturdy, strong unit too, which doesn't help!