4 month old crying for 3-6 hours every evening - HELP!

[TwinkyToes]

Hello

My 4 month old WILL NOT settle at night unless it's past midnight, and only then after hours and hours of crying. I've tried everything: rocking, feeding, singing, mobile, white noise, swaddle, dummy etc etc. Nothing helps. She might doze off in my arms or while feeding but once she's in her cot she's awake and crying, or screaming. I don't believe in just letting her cry but tonight I've got to the point (after six hours of crying) I've just had to leave her because I don't know what to do any more and I'm exhausted and frustrated and worn out and am in tears myself. It breaks my heart to hear her screaming at the top of her lungs but what can I do?

Once she falls asleep she typically sleeps for a few hours, but the effort it takes to get her to sleep is killing me.

She's not a great napper during the day (45 mins max, 3 - 4 times a day) and is very clingy (won't be left alone for more than 5 mins or she cries). I feel I've got no time to myself at all and spending hours on end every night trying to settle her is making it hard to cope.

HELP please!

Hi, TwinkyToes I'm afraid I've no useful advice, except to say this phase should pass.

My DD, now 6 months old, started doing exactly what you describe at around 4 months and it continued for about 5 weeks. DH and I would take it in turns to go and reassure her and usually after a few hours she'd fall asleep. Occasionally she'd be so wound up that we'd redo the bedtime routine of reading, bathing and feeding and she'd sometimes settle.

We wondered if it was part of the 4month growth spurt/sleep regression. It was a stressful time and you have my complete sympathy.

We constantly searched the internet for suggestions and even bought a book in our quest for a solution, but in the end it was nothing we did that resolved the situation as she just grew out of it herself, I guess.

I think that 45 minutes, 3 - 4 times a day of napping is pretty normal, well it is for DD. We've always roughly followed the awake for 2 hours then a nap routine; she doesn't always have the nap, but we'll leave her in the cot for a bit if she's content as sometimes it takes her a while to drop off.

Have to agree with Spoutlet, in that it is most likely a phase. An f'in horrible phase but a phase none the less.

Mine did the same at about 4 months as did both my sisters and several of my friends. We also tried all the things you've said, some worked some didn't. I did find putting dd on my legs (her bum in my crotch, head on my knees) and gently pumping her legs seemed to help a bit (I think all the crying made her tummy hurt), but it was very hit and miss. Also stripping her down to her nappy, taking off my top and lying her on my chest with a blanket over us both some times helped.

I decided after a few weeks that the best thing I could do was a) make sure dd felt loved and b) look after myself. I'm also not a big fan of leaving babies to cry it out but sometimes you have to for your sanity, don't add guilt to the mountain of overwhelming emotions you have.

Try to get help, husband, friend, parents, anyone, if you feel you don't have anyone find a local group or call up your midwife/community nurse. Make sure you eat and sleep, showering and tidying can be done in a few weeks time when things calm down. The days I flirted with mental breakdown territory (and there were a few!), were always the days I'd skipped meals and hadn't napped.

By looking after yourself, you are looking after your baby.

Good luck with it! Its sucks arse.

Thanks both so much for the support, suggestions and advice. I too wondered if it was sleep regression but this has been going on for about 2 months. I also wondered about possible teething, or even hunger, but it seems not (Calpol and more milk make no difference).

It's comforting to hear we're not totally abnormal though and it's probably just a phase. Here's hoping it ends soon!

My first DS (now 7) was like this from day 1. He grew out of it. I can't rememember when it happened, but the crying did stop eventually(!)

We put it down to wind so gave him Infacol. It did help with the wind, but the crying still continued. With hindsight I think he might have had silent reflux.

Anyway, I know it seems hard now, but the crying WILL stop. If you can't cope with it, leave her in a safe place and remove yourself to another room for a while. You will get through it xx

Twinky we are going through the same thing at the moment. DD is 18 weeks and a nightmare to get to sleep, started about 3 weeks ago (after 6 weeks of easy 12 hour sleeps).
One night it got so bad i rushed her to my parents in floods of tears and rang NHS direct i was so worried, the nurse laughed at me (in a nice way) and told me to stop fretting, it was normal.

I try to keep her awake after 4pm and put her to bed at 7pm with a warm bottle, we get 30 mins of sleep (must be her natural sleep cycle as she sleeps max 30 mins at a time in the day) and then all hell breaks loose! I try to stay as calm as possible and just hold her, walk with her or put her down on the bed and lie next to her so she knows im there. Thankfully for me she usually goes to sleep for a bit so ive learnt the trick of lying her on a pillowcase and then waiting for her to go to sleep on the bed then transferring her to her cot (lasts about 10 mins until the screaming starts again).
She keeps this cycle up until about 11ish then will sleep for 8 hours so i do get a very good nights sleep, its just getting her to sleep.

She cut her first tooth yesterday so it may be to do with that?? Also she is rolling so last night i put her down on her front and she settled very quickly and slept 9-6 like that.....maybe you could try a new position when she does calm down, i know sleeping on their front isnt recommended but our cot is right next to my bed.

I keep getting told its a phase but when you're in the middle of it its daunting...i dread bedtime at the moment.

Look after yourself, and eat cake [hgrin] x

hi twinkitoes
My baby is 7 months and he woke up and cried everyday at 5 am for an hour, he would only stop crying if we carried him and moved around or gave him bottle (which he never had much and would cry again after an ounce or so).

If your baby is crying everyday at the same time and stops crying in your arms while you are standing up then 100% its tummy problem. Just give him infacol in all her feeds (just before or in the bottle) and especially in the bottle you give before putting her to bed. if she doesnt mind give her tummy time during day. Try to wind her for as long you can. If she doesnt burp after any feed then put her on side and not on back. hope this works .

I know its really really tough to see baby cry. after sometime you feel like running away, but you got to hang on. I m sure infacol will work, as these sounds like typical symptoms of tummy problem.

take care of yourself too. :)

DS cried like this from about 4 weeks old to 10 weeks old. We decided to try gripe water out of desperation and it totally cured it. We couldn't believe it as both DH and I thought it was probably rubbish. We gave DS it every night for about 3 weeks - DS would take the gripe water and then do one or more massive, massive burps after 2-5mins or so and then would sort of relax and could be rocked to sleep. It was a total godsend (and my DM got to feel a bit smug about it as it was what she'd used with me when I was tiny). We also put him to sleep on his tummy (not in line with the guidelines I know) but that really seems to have helped too. I think it's the pressure on his tummy that helps.
I hope it passes soon for you and your DD - our DD was the same with only napping for 45 mins at a time (Dr Sears' Baby Book is v good on why it's 45 mins and what happens in that sleep cycle) and she was also a complete velcro high maintenance baby who would not be put down for more than 5 mins. It's v wearing but does pass. Good luck.

Have you considered reflux or a dairy intolerance? DD2 was going like this after about 6 weeks, I cut out dairy and egg in my diet (was BF, and DD1 is allergic which gave me the idea), and after a couple of days she was a different child.

Good luck, I hope you manage to find a solution or at least survive until it gets better.

I had the same problem with my dd. You don't say if you're bottle or breast feeding. When breast feeding my dd was never seemed to be off me. I started bottle feeding at around 3 months due to colic, sleep deprivation and total desperation. When bottle feeding, dr browns bottle and infacol worked a treat. But also, I did find establishing a regular bedtime routine really helped. Bath, bottle, bed. After a few weeks dd would settle herself in her cot and would sleep for a minimum of 6 hours. Make sure you look after yourself though, that is important. I used to put dd on the floor near the bathroom door with a toy, where I could see her and she could see me, whilst I showered, and put her in a bouncer in the kitchen whilst I ate. This sometimes eased her clinginess and allowed me time to do things I just needed to do! Cleaning can always wait! :)

And as everyone else has said, it will pass! :)

Thanks again everyone, you've given me some new ideas to try.

DD was diagnosed with silent reflux a few weeks ago so we're managing that with ranitidine and holding her upright for half an hour after every feed. She is BF so I am cutting dairy out of my diet - the doc said that can be a contributing factor.

We tried Infacol for a while - no difference - but I'll try gripe water.

Wolfcub your situation sounds remarkably similar to ours - I wonder if teeth are an issue. My DD certainly seems to be in pain of some sort (her crying is often screaming, and she also wails in her sleep occasionally), and she sometimes seems to get relief from chewing/drooling on my or DH's fingers or a muslin. It doesn't seem to bother her during the day though. Calpol has little effect but I've bought some Dentinox to try tonight.

At worst I guess as everyone says, it's a phase, so I will continue hoping it ends soon!

She might be overtired. Can you try an earlier bedtime? We had a similar issue with DS (also had reflux/dairy intolerant) and putting down an hour earlier with a short routine - no bath or story just change and feed worked magic.

If it's silent reflux and the screaming is continuing I would consider going back to the doctors to reassess the medication - it may be it's not the right one, or the dose needs changing?

I read a lot into reflux etc (DS had it and still gets flare ups at 2) and found it can be confused with overtired. The sleep thing leapt out at me in your post OP - it will take a week of early bedtimes and good naps (use any means necessary) to get back on track . This evens means making sure things arent too stimulating especially in the afternoon.

Could it be that she just doesn't like being in her cot? Would she sleep with you?

At one stage I too thought it might be overtiredness but this happens no matter what time we put her to bed and regardless of whether she sleeps well during the day or not. I'd love for her to have regular, sufficient naps (selfishly, it'd give me a break!), but it's just impossible: if I can get her to nap at all it will only be for 45 minutes at most. There are times, like this afternoon, when she is clearly tired, rubbing eyes, yawning etc, but simply won't sleep despite my best efforts (e.g. 40 minutes of rocking, cuddling, trying to put her down etc). It's very frustrating and tiring.

I've also tried having her co-sleeping, or just lying down with her to settle her, but no luck there either.

The really puzzling thing is that whatever causes the evening screaming only affects her between about 6pm and 1am. I'd have thought if it was teething, reflux or anything like that she'd suffer all day, not just in the evenings. Once she's finally down for the night she manages to sleep for 7+ hours, so whatever's bothering her only affects her for those few hours. Very strange.

Either that or by the time she's finally down for the night, she's so tired that no amount of discomfort will wake her!

Seriously though, I think the reflux or intolerance thing might show up at that time of day as its a cumulative effect and not much down time for the body to deal with it. Once they're asleep, then he frequency of feeds is generally less, and the body is nice and relaxed, so there is time to get to grips with whatever is bothering it. Not a scientific explanation, but I hope it makes sense...

You need to work on sleep for about a week to see a difference - one day doesn't really help! Given that it is the same time very day/night it's worth thinking about. A sling was a godsend for us as was a routine (unfortunately - I dont like routine much!)

Twinkytoes as you say its between set time 6 pm to 1 am ; I am sure its colic. If infacol is no help, look up for more things which help babies with colic. May be some home remedies. Did you try giving 2 dropper, two to three minutes before feeds. Also you can give infacol as she starts sceaming crying. Have you heard of carom seeds ? I dont know if u have well, boil a few seeds like a pinch in half a cup of water till the water gets slight colour. You can give your baby a few spoons of it twice and as you are breast feeding you can drink it too. It helps with wind. Colicy baby is very difficult they scream and cry as you put them down and would sleep only on you. how do you manage, poor you.

You have my deepest sympathies! My DS was like this from birth to about 6 months, and it was horrendous. The relentlessness of it all, the lack of sleep, the bloody crying for hours, the 30 mins naps in the day, the desperation...I felt like i was at war. Happy days, isn't it?
I don't really have any great advice.
When it got too much, I would sometimes put him in his cot and go to the bottom of the garden for 5 or 10 mins. I could still hear him, but the fresh air calmed me down a bit.
Jumping up and down on a birthing ball seemed to occasionnally settle him down.
Also, accept any help offered, it was a relief to let somebody else (usually good souls afraid for my mental health...)deal with the crying, even if it was just 15 minutes at baby group.
Finally, having a baby carrier probably saved my sanity, because it meant I had my hands free and could carry him while concentrating on something else, like cooking a lovely meal while listening to the radio, or do the shopping.
Good luck, and don't forget it will not always be like this. If it's any consolation my DS is now 15 months and is lovely AND sleeps really well.

Hi Twinkytoes,

Did you ever find a solution that worked or did your baby grow out of this?

I am going through exactly the same issue now ☹️ I just don’t know what else to try.

Thanks
Jo

My DS slept upright in a sling attached to me or semi upright in bouncy chair between DH and in bed due to silent reflux until he was 5/6 months. Not ideal, but enabled us all to get some sleep. He was never diagnosed. I went to the GP lots and asked for help due to him crying 20 hours in 24/ 20 minute sleeps 3-4 times in 24 hours and was told this was normal and that a babies cry!!!