topic probably done to death - toddler refusing meals

[lunarx]

ds, 18 months old, refuses most meals. as typical as i know this is, and have been told time and time again this this is a 'normal stage' and 'they outgrow it'. as well and good and true as those statements are, it doesn't really give me any advice on how to get my son to eat, and what to do when he doesn't eat.
do i let him go hungry? (most mothers can understand my frustration here!!!) i can't assume he is always teething, always doesn't like something i make. i usually offer one thing, if he refuses it, i try it again in a little while. then after that, i wait again and offer something different (keeping the original meal for the next day to try.)

most of his normal regular foods he would eat, he won't touch now. cooking nice things a la annabel karmel cookbooks is well and good, he refuses those too! (and anything out of a jar is out too. he hates it.)

so, at my wit's end after yet another lunch refused, i dont want him to be hungry, but i dont know what to do!

(thanks)

I sort of did a compromise. Always gave him something he would always eat (toast, carrots, ham, cheese, fruit etc) then a little bit of something else. I never said anything at all about what he did or didn't eat, just took it all away when he had obviously finished (didn't try again or anything). I couldn't do the let him go hungry thing completely which is why I always gave him something I knew he would normally eat in case he was hungry. Eats everything again now (23 months)!

if he is hungry he will eat. offer him dinner. if he refuses then get him down from the table.
offer it again in an hour or so. If he still refuses then take it away and give him nothing else.

agree with followthestarlover. This is what I have done in the past. Calmly remove from table, take meal away. He will clue in eventually or eat his meals cos he is so hungry!!!! He won't starve himself.

I do a bit of both. My dd will happily go hungry if she doesn't like food but this just results in her behaviour deteriorating after a day or so with no food, which is awful for me. She recently has gone 7 days without eating more than a small bite of food at each meal and some of those days eating NOTHING, but I think she had a sore throat. Some toddlers seem to survive on very little.

DD is a good eater usually - not-eating phases have been brief and limited, so never had to be very hardline, but when they've happened I've done much the same as Anchovies. I wouldn't give endless choice, myself, think I'd be asking for trouble there - but fair enough to acknowledge specific hates/loves and try to include a few of the loves. Main thing is to stay calm, not display concern about lack of eating, because an 18 month old will pick up on anxiety and react one way or t'other!

Anchovies, my style is similar. Dd survives on similar snacky type foods. If I can find an annabel karmel type food she will eat, I will cook a week's portion and feed that to her everyday. Whatever she does not eat is cleared away without comment. I don't stick to mealtimes strictly either. If she is hungry, I can get something for her quite quickly along the cheese, ham, bread lines. Somedays, dd eats for England but mostly, she just picks at things. All I can say is that eating is quite a stress-free event.

thanks ladies.. sorry if my original post seemed all crazy! i was just so frustrated with yet another meal refused! i am learning to NOT show my anxiety about his not eating. i know he won't starve himself. when he refuses all choices, i will give him something i know he will eat as he is very cranky when he is hungry. but its not a snack..(its usually french toast and peas)

we dont do strict mealtimes either.. i do try to cook something to eat with him whenever possible. he sometimes likes eating off 'my' plate. i guess all i can do is keep trying!

My DS has who is also 18 months has been like this for ages. Mealtimes are extremely stressful and we are lucky if he has a couple of mouthfuls of anything. On an average day he will eat his breakfast then nothing else all day except a yoghurt or some rice pudding. I am lucky if I can get him to eat any fruit or vegetables, sometimes if I am very lucky he will have a bannana. Despite this he is growing and is healthy but this dosn't stop the worry and I can truely understand your anxiety.

Mine is 2 and is refusing to eat. Dh & I had a bit of a tiff over giving him McDonalds chips (I wanted to as he asked for them)Dh doesn't believe that he should eat those.

I only write this as I know how hard it can be. I worry myself stupid that he will starve. So better to eat something than nothing.

However, I am beginning to understand that I am setting myself up for having a rubbish eating monster, so am trying to offer breakfast and not giving anything until lunch. 1 snack in between like an apple or 1 biscuit.

Dinner is still an issue but I am giving him some milk to go to sleep with.

It's bloomin hard especially as this am he made his way downstairs and got the ice cream out of the freezer (FFS) pulled a chair from dining room to kitchen and was trying to get lid off on sideboards when DH caught him. This is the first time he has done anything like this so I will have to be a bit more alert in future.

ds is a picky eater. He is 3 now and is eating a lot better.

I prepare him 3 meals a day and that is it. If he doesnt eat it - fine, but he gets nothing else until the next meal and cant fill up on anything else. I found that I catered to ds so much at one time that he had one menu and me and dh had another and I just couldnt afford it!! lol

With ds - he will eat if there is no alternative (goodies!) and he is hungry. Make sure that he isnt filling up on fluids.

Another tip - if ds tries a new food we make a big deal out of it and he gets a sticker. sounds too simple to work - but 99% of the time he loves the whole system and has started asking for his 'new food' of the day!!

hi pink> glad i'm not alone in this!! i just need to remind myself he will be okay and to get anything healthy in him that i can. (i dont give him 'junk' foods, just so he'll eat and i sneak veggies into scrambled eggs...) hope your ds starts being UN-fussy soon!!!!! hang in there too!!!!!!!

ucm> we give our ds chips as a treat if we are out and if he has already eaten something good. i know what you mean though.. ! i have cut down on ds's snacks too, and whatever i offer i try to make sure its as healthy as i can get him to eat. eeeeeeeek! he got to the ice cream himself!!!! being alert as a mother of a toddler is just crazy! clever boy though!

emily> we have been giving ds more of our food now as he just will not eat anything out of a jar (a recent holiday to the US got us back into giving him jars as that was all he would eat), and i've cut any excess juice/water out of his diet. no juice unless its a special time (like xmas morning or something) he will eat fruit, so i dont worry about him not having the juice! and only water as i think he may need a drink, i used to let him have the beaker all the time. ooh yes! when ds eats good, i make a big deal of it, lots of praise and smiles and all of it... good idea though for when he is older!

thanks again ladies... any more input is appreciated!!!!

Thanks Lunar. I must admit, I hadn't thought of simply not buying any more biscuits etc. I have stopped buying packets of crisps which is a good thing.