10 year old boy - sulks, cries, oversensitive?

[humptydidit]

Went for a meal last night with a friend and all our kids.
He has a 10 year old ds and tbh I was a bit surprised by his behaviour.

to be perfectly honest, he behaved like a child half his age.

We went for a meal in a pub. Kid wanted money to buy a toy from a vending machine. His dad said no, kid cried and had a tantrum.

His sister called him a name, dumbo I think, in the course of them having an argument, pretty standard sibling disagreement, he cried.

Afterwards we went back to mine and I had made a birthday cake for friend and we lit the candles and sang happy birthday to him. Kid refused to come into the room and laid on the sofa and cried. His dad tried to cajole him into coming to see, in the end we lit all the candles again and he eventually looked at it and ran away.

Is this kind of thing normal? His dad blames him being sensitive on the fact that his mum left him and is not iterested in him. I can see that, my dd (age 6) is sensitive ad I think her dad leaving didn't help her in that respect.

To be honest, I think this kid is playing his dad, who tries to cajole him out of these moods and sulks. My style of parenting is different. If I say no, I mean no and I won't change my mind (like in the case of the vending machine), whereas friend eventualy gave in and gave him some money. And if my kids refused to come in the room etc, I would say fine, stay there till you're ready and ignore them.

If this was my kid, I think that I would be worried that at the age of 10 he should stop this. Or is this normal?

I actually feel bad for the poor lad because he is going to get one hell of a shock when he goes to secondary school next year if he behaves like this at school . He has got easy target written all over him

I wouldn't be suprised if that was my ds in 3 years time to be honest. I don't give in to him and have very clear boundaries but he has always and I think always will tested the boundaries to the max and thrown massive tantrums relentlessly. My ds does have Aspergers and while I am sure this has impacts on his behaviour I think he is naturally very strongly set in what he wants and terribly sensitive. I don't think it will do him any favours in school life but if we continue to help reinforce boundaries then I hope that his convictions, his ability to stand up for what he wants and believes in and even his sensitivity will stand him in good stead when used in a socially acceptable way.

Who knows maybe this child had special needs you are not aware of, perhaps the dad was just trying to keep the peace while out and is generally very firm, perhaps there is bullying or other traumatic things going on for this child that you are not privy to or perhaps this little boy is just a young 10.

and you have Smug Parent writ large all over you

HTH

Don't disagree with 531xxx

but would also suggest you look at the pre-teens topic get a taste of what life might be like for you in 4 years' time.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preteens

with respect 531800000008 that didn't help

I am not a smug parent by any means, I am genuinely wondering if this is normal?

I am actually a primary teacher and I have not encountered many kids year 5 and 6 who actually behave like this at school so guess it must be just pushing the boundaries at home??

Although thinking about it, maybe I do deserve to be put back in my place... at least getting slated here saves me putting my foot in it with my friend.

ok, I read some of the stuff on preteens board

I do think something's odd, OP, but I wouldn't be quick to blame it on wossey parenting. I suspect if being firm with the boy worked then they'd do it; being hard probably doesn't make things better hence the softly softly approach you witnessed.

I knew a lady with an autistic son who would behave like that. It was the kind of autism that often doesn't even get diagnosed until late, too. There maybe issues that neither you nor even the boy & his parents don't know about, OP.

On a bad day my NT 10yo DS might have done stuff like that, when he was being bullied in school & generally miserable & over-wrought, especially in social situations. Again... stuff you can't know.

I think the part that shocked me the most tbh was how that was the same behaviour of my 5 and 6 year old... I guess thinkig about it, he must just behave like that at home, becaues he would be shamelessly bullied at school if he behaved like that there, which would fit in with my experience of kids that age at school.

In fact the more I find out about older children, I see that they are still children and not adults like they think they want to be... I suppose peer pressure must be huge as well and must be awful if you are full of all these emotions without pressure to conform too.

Thank christ I can't remember what it was like!!

V gracious OP :)

I like the thought of Mumsnet being the place where you can put your foot in it without upsetting your rl friends!

FWIW, my 10yr old can both a teen and a toddler in the space of the same conversation.