At my wits end with 2 year olds tantrums

[dodgerdays]

Hi

Was looking for some advice please. I am completely at my wits end with my 2 1/2 year old. The last few weeks her tantrums have been getting worse. They are close to daily (I know this may not be bad to some) but she ends up screaming and hitting and working herself into such a state I don't know quite what to do.

We use the naughty corner, 1 warning and then corner, but after 40mins of her walking off it blubbering and crying hysterically, I asked my partner to take over tonight. I was calm throughout, but it now feels even the corner doesn't work.

We do the reward chart to reward good behaviour (she is currently collecting smiley faces for a whole day without a tantrum, reward is the return of her brolley confiscated for bad behaviour at the weekend).

I feel like there is nothing I can do to calm her down. I feel such a failure. It brings me to tears :-(

The older one (3 1/2) is such a different temperament you can talk to her and reason. Thing is, the 2 1/2 yr old behaves exactly as I did as a child and I feel history is repeating itself. Some would say I deserve it. I half feel sorry for her with the states she gets herself in, yet I beat myself up for not being able to deal better with her than my own mother did me.....

I sound like a basket case.....

Anyway - any help/guidance/words of encouragement would be grateful. I've really run out of idea's..

First ever post....go easy on me pls.....

Don't even try and calm-you won't get through.
It is hard.
Ignore totally. When she eventually comes around spend time with her. Ask her what it was alll about and say that you really can't tell when she is screaming and kicking and if she wants something she will need to talk to you.

Therefore
No attention for a tantrum.
Attention when she comes out of it.
Keep calm at all times and act as if totally bored by it all.

What exotic said. Just ignore her until she's calm.

I feel a bit fake giving you advice on this one because we are going through the same stage and it is fricking hard!!

I prefer to think of a tantrum as something that happens to toddlers rather than something they do intentionally. So I'm not sure it's really fair to reward a lack of tantrum when she would probably choose not to have them if she could, it's just that the intensity of the feelings she's having make it really hard for her to deal with them. I think it's quite scary for them when they get themselves into such a state.

If you can't distract her out of the tantrum in the first place (by totally changing the subject or doing something VERY interesting when one is brewing), once it's got to the hysterical stage I try to react sympathetically without backing down about whatever I've said that caused the tantrum in the first place. So basically either letting her get on with it if it's safe to do so and now and again saying 'I know, it's frustrating' in a soothing tone or if physically possible giving her a cuddle.

As I said, though, bloody difficult this stage!

Thanks ladies. I will defo try that. J

ust to clarify, so when she's screaming her head off I should totally ignore her? She tends to follow me round and hang off me in those situations. What happens when she hits? Should I just not bother with naughty corner? how do I deal with that?

Just want to go at it fully confident in my plan and have all bases covered.

Very much agree with the time together. Perhaps that's what she lacking. I need some time out with her to try and talk to her.

Plantsitter. Your post makes so much sense and it's the kind of advice is give but it just doesn't seem that obvious in that situation. You've really hit the nail on the head about how she seems to have no control over herself. Dammit, I still get like that sometimes....

Thank you. I feel much better already.

She has no control-once she gets to a certain point she can't stop which is why there is no point in doing anything. If you see it coming you can try and distract, but once it starts just leave her. Make sure she is safe and then remove yourself so she can't hit. Do cuddle and reassure when she has finished. Say that you understand she was cross but you can't understand unless she keeps calm. Give her attention at that point.

And give her loads of attention when she is being nice. The problem is that they often get left to play with toys when they are being nice and then attention when stropping.