Help..How can I discipline my 18 month old?

[JackDsMum]

My eighteen month old son is becoming a bit of a nightmare. I can cope with his endless whingeing, the fact that he will not share, snatching toys off other children and so on as I am pretty sure he will grow out of these things. However I cannot cope with him hitting, pushing and kicking other children (and me for that matter!).

I am consistent with discipline - always telling him no (with an explanation), or removing him from a situation, or when in our home sitting him firmly on the bottom step (my attempt at timeout). The problem is he just laughs/grins at me and continues to do whatever it is I have asked him not to (and I repeat my attempt at discipline). I will not smack him and try not to shout at him (as shouting results in even bigger grins and even more bad behaviour).

I have been told this week that he is being particularly bad at playgroup and feel embarrassed that perhaps I am not dealing with this right at home. (I am one of those mums you refer to in the earlier message about the rough boy at playgroup... it could be me:-)!).

I tell him all the time - but what can you do if your child really doesn't listen?? My husband says he will grow out of it and to stop worrying. I want to keep my friends with children (and my sanity) NOW! Your advice/thoughts/experiences greatly appreciated.

TBH I think you're doing quite a bit. Just a thought but when you correct him, do you have an ultra-stern face, different tone of voice? I've noticed with friends that a few tend to say "we don't hit.." and do all the right things, but they don't really sound/look as if they mean it. It's perfectly possible to do this without shouting etc.

DD went through a very brief stage of "loving pinches" (luckily just to us) at about your DS's age and we found that we had to say "that hurts2 very firmly, with cross face and put on the floor away from us. She soon caught on that it was unacceptable.

Also, is your DH equally firm with your DH? If your Dh lets him do these things your DS won't understand what's ok and what's not.

Good luck, you sound like you're doing as much as you can.

It sounds like you do have the right idea. Do you praise him and give him lots of atention when he does things well as well? Try reading Toddler Taming by Christopher Green, I found it very helpful just to re-inforce my gut feelings on how to discipline.

BW I dont know any normal child who hasnt gone throught this -

JackDsMum we have been going through this for ages now with our now just turned 2 year old. I just do what you do, time outs and all that. I don't think there is much more you can do than what you are already doing. Drives you nuts though doesn't it.

Thanks for messages so far. It just seems that everyone else's kids are so much better behaved and so I sometimes doubt whether my little treasure is indeed 'normal'. I have even had a friend suggest I take him to 'see someone'. Just where does all his aggression come from???

Jackdsmum, my friend's son sounds like yours. Unfortunately he goes to the childminders with my ds so my ds has been the main victim of his bad behavior. As a bit of an outsider watching my friend, I have come to the conclusion that she actually disciplines and regulates him too much. He almost seems to do the behavior more as an attention getting ploy when she is around. I think that she might be better ignoring him or putting him in his room and ignoring him for 5 min (rather than spanking him or giving him timeouts). She also seems to move him on from playing, for things like dinner/going out/bedtime with very little flexibility in his schedule. This invariably provokes a temper tantrum.
I'm saying all of this not because it is necessarily the right way to deal with your ds, but more to suggest that maybe it's worth trying something completely different from what you are currently doing and maybe even something that might go a little against your instincts.
Also, try positive discipline...it's very effective...ie rather than "if you do that, I will punish you", say "if you do this, I will reward you."