2 year old smacking me - negative attention - naughty step not working !

[SusanKiss]

My son, just 2, has started smacking me (and other children) hard in the face and on the body frequently during the day .... for no reason it appears. The naughty step doesn't appear to work no matter how many times I repeatedly follow the steps to make him stay there. As an example, this evening he slapped me on the face when I was saying goodnight and then asked to go on the Naughty Step which is downstairs to avoid going to bed ! I don't want to smack him back as that just reinforces the behaviour but I'm at a loss as to what to do. I have told him that it hurts me, I have told him that I'm sad when he does it, I have sternly told him off for it, I have put him on the naughty step for it, I have put him in his room for it - but it all seems to give him attention which is why he is doing it. I also have a 10 month old son and I have noticed that my two year old does tend to misbehave more when I'm feeding my younger son or otherwise occupied with him .... it's not easy doing the naughty step procedure when also trying to feed a baby !! I do praise good behaviour all the time, I try and involve the two of them in stories, games, singing etc., and I take them to toddler groups and activities to keep them active, but I would appreciate any advise you other Mums can offer !! Thanks.

Just 2 is too young for the naughty step, IMO, as you have found

Say No firmly and remove yourself from him, put self into timeout IYSWIM (make a cup of tea, flick through a mag, busy self in a random task) . You might need to be not so close physically to him in the short term, to reduce the possibility of a slapped face from him

This is a very impulsive age, can you see if you can read the 'signs' that a blow or smack is coming and take avoidance action (standing up, moving away)

Anyway the point is to reinforce that if he hurts you, you will switch off attention

And praise praise praise where you can, no need to spiral down the negative chute (BTDT)

I would try ignoring him tbh. I know it's hard when he's physically in your face but I would give it a try. Keep turning your back, get up, leave the room, anything. Don't give him any attention at all. Even negative attention is still attention. It can't be any worse.

Also, my 2 yo doesn't understand the naughty step and just gets up and wanders off. Are you sure it has the right effect and is actually working? Otherwise it will never work if you don't get into the habit of using it right.

Good luck. It will get better. My dd has tantrums and screams this awful guttural scream at me when she's angry. Am Seriously hoping that fades away soon. She does it anywhere and everywhere, particularly in front of all the other mums!

I'd ignore it, like it never happened, I know it's not easy. Then when he's calm, interact with him in a way he loves.

Thanks everyone ... I'll give it a go !! Really appreciate your ears and advice !!

Glad to read this as im going through the same smacking in the face with my 2 yearold daughter. Also gets grabs at the face, which are even more painful.

Show him something that he is allowed to hit and lead him to it when he does hit to show him. For DS we tend to go for things like the sofa or a bed, just because generally he's either in the living room or a bedroom. It took a few times of repeating to work but now generally he does it automatically.

It's mainly because they don't know how to release their frustration another way, and also because this way gets a reaction, it seems like a great way to deal with it! I'm of the opinion that just punishing them isn't likely to help (it doesn't make the frustration go away, so it will just come out in another way which is likely to be as destructive or unpleasant), but helping them to find an alternative does. It's helpful as well if you validate their feelings back to them. Tell him you know he is cross but he must not hit people. If he's doing it out of excitement or over-exuberance just act as though it was an accident and remind him to be careful and keep his hands to himself.

DS is 3 now and we have started other ways of helping him express anger/frustration without lashing out, like going somewhere calm and having a drink of water/milk (this was his suggestion but it works! It must just break the mood or something) or counting to ten I haven't suggested to him yet but I will probably do soon. When he was a lot younger and preverbal and used to get really worked up I remember one day he was kicking off so much I had no idea what to do, so I strapped him into his pushchair(!) and gave him a soft toy and said "Look! I can see you are REALLY CROSS! Can you show me how cross you feel now? Can you throw this really hard to show me how cross you are?" And, yes, I sounded like an irritating upbeat parenting manual, but it worked! He threw it crossly the first few times as if to say "This is a STUPID game!" but then he started laughing, and it became a game rather than an anger-diffusing exercise, and he was calm and we could do nice things together again.