Signs of attention deficit disorder in 2 yo

[Rebelcountycailin]

DS1 (24 months) only started walking at 21 months. He is not talking much - it's mostly babble although he understands everything - but randomly I think he easily has around 50 words. He's not really stringing them together yet (apart from all gone). He's being looked at by a paediatrician due to late walking and was assessed developmentally last week. For most things he's just hitting the 24 months target but for some things he's coming out at 18 months.

We've had major upheaval this past year, including a new baby, my husband losing his job then going and working abroad while we stayed at home and eventually a move abroad (back to uk) away from both sets of beloved Grandparents. I believe this all set him back quite a bit.

In the last few weeks I think he's making incredible progress but today a person who runs a group we attend asked me if he's saying please and thankyou yet and then quite heavily inferred she thinks he is attention deficit.

So now I am panicking, sat in the car park and cried afterwards then thought I would check this out. I know it's fairly difficult to tell at this stage but in general if anyone could tell me what sort of signs I should look out for I would be grateful. I'm breaking my back tryi g to help him, do things for him. My guilt levels that I've somehow let him down are already high enough and the comment this morning has nearly tipped me over the edge, if I'm honest.

Thanks in advance.

Who is this person who is saying this? Is she qualified to make that judgement?

He sounds completely normal, OP.
2 of My boys were not saying as many words at 24 months, btw, they are turning out ok, too.
Please and thank you are social habits & manners, they come with time.

Don't cry. And try not to worry.

He is very small to tell anything about how he is developing. Lots of upheaval will be difficult and could be affecting lots of things.

Try not to peer at him and fret about what is going on. Try and be your usual self and just love him. If you start over thinking how you react to him it will make matters worse not better.

You say he is seeing a paediatrician and that they are considering a slight delay in a few areas. That stuff could all sort itself out in a matter of months.

I know how hard it is. But try and let him get on with it and wait to see how things go over the next few months.

Does he make eye contact with you, understand when you give instructions, is able to point at things you describe, in other words are you able to communicate with him on a basic level, despite his lack of words?
Just not being able to say many words at that age is not an indication of anything, there should be other factors to consider.
(My first words were at 21 months, because of being bilingual - did you move to a non-english speaking country?)

Wow thank you for all the messages so quickly. This person who told me this has a background in childcare/nursery management.

Yes he definitely looks at me in the eyes, follows 2 step commands (like last night I told him "pick up your shoe and put it back on the rack" after he dropped it. On average I think we're getting a new word every other day - ok certainly not correct pronunciation but he is trying. He can sit and concentrate for ages, is very intricate (just screwed back on the tiniest cap onto a tube/knows how to insert a toy screwdriver into a tiny screw hole and tries to tighten it) etc.

Last week in his assessment the lady wanted him to play with a doll, brush her hair, give her a drink and feed her with a spoon. To my shame he has never seen a doll and was scared of it so didn't perform. Nor did he want to touch it's eyes and nose - but he does it to me and we showed her that but she didn't seem to think it sufficient.

We moved over from Ireland so an English speaking country in many ways, yes, but we do every so often have tv on in Irish and my husband does talk a tiny bit of Irish with them.

The fact that he loves to sit and read and can concentrate on things and do very intricate things makes me feel really doubtful he does have an attention disorder, however this class we attend is very large (around 18 children or more) and is very noisy with musical instruments and music, singing etc, that I think it slightly blows his mind.

Yes he points things out in books too. He has also told my husband to close the door on one occasion although it came out as "lows da door".

The other thing he loves me to do is spread out random flashcards with pictures on and he gets about 98% right every time. We have about 100 of these cards now so it's always very random from hippo to panda to flower to shoes, train etc.

The lady who assessed him last week described him as probably being a child who is "slow to warm up". It made sense to me.

nothing you wrote in your OP sounds like attention deficit to me, not that i'm anywhere near qualified but i was looking it up about my 2yr old who can't sit still for long, is very hyperactive, doesn't concentrate v.well......seems he is just normal!

if he has just been assessed then i would think any major issues would have been discovered. something like attention deficit seems to be better diagnosed when they are in school.

my first child comes across as much further behind than he really is because he has younger siblings and is v.v.shy so won't 'perform' for strangers. when i realised what other kids his age were doing i just offered him more opportunities and he's doing much more than i thought he could/would at this age (reading, counting, recognising shapes). starting nursery has also really helped and your ds isn't far off starting nursery too?

He sounds like a fantastic little boy.

The person running the group sounds a bit batty tbh. I'd be surprised if a 2yr-old was independently saying please and thankyou, and if that's the kind of thing she expects from a typical 2yr-old then she's in for a shock.

You're not letting your little boy down in any way. You suspected he might be having difficulties with development and so you took him to be checked. You're already doing everything that could be expected of you. Try not to let this woman make you doubt yourself like this. You're doing well. :)

Thank you everyone - can't tell you now how glad I am that I posted! I didn't even tell DH.

Yes DS is also going through a very, very shy stage too. He has a brother who is 15 months younger so it is my impression he's hanging on to babyish-ness too, if that makes sense.

Thanks so much again!!

Sorry should have added that DS is going for another hearing test and also is down to see a Speech & Language therapist. Hopefully that will all help him.

Ignore the woman! People like that drive me mad 'diagnosing' autism or ADHD for any trait that is outside of 'average'. Your ds certainly does not appear to be showing signs of ADHD!

Well I don't think you can diagnose adhd just from what you said and at such a young age, they are still developing! In schools I've worked they have not even considered diagnosing children with anything until at least 3 years old, and that's 3 year olds with pretty severe symptoms! And even then you'd be reticent to definitely say what. You sound like you know your child best, you are getting him checked out, you are a little concerned about certain things and have gone the right way about it, and therefore just don't listen to anyone but yourself and the specialists! Nothing you have written seems that extreme to be honest. Silly woman! (Not you I mean, the other one).

Blimey! I really can't see anything in what you have written that would indicate ADHD! Ignore her!

She is mad! Sorry but all 2 year olds have attention issues, the aim at school is to get them to their age + 5 min (eg. 10 minutes at 5).
Can you try that you only speak to him in English (Dad could do the same in Irish if he wants) I believe that is the recommendation for biligual children, who are usually a bit slower in language.
Please and thank you at 2 is a bit advanced IMHO, 2 1/2 would be more normal (does this woman even know your son's correct age?).
Please don't listen to professionals. BTW even if there is "something wrong" you are doing all the right things and there is no reason he shouldn't grow up to be a successful and happy adult.

He sounds lovely :-)
If it is any help my d2 didnt walk for 20 months and absolutely hated noisy group classes and dolls - she would have failed those tests! She is 9 now and has the dreaded g and t label , full of life and confidence and as happy as larry, totally nothing wrong with her!

(and she is still crap at saying please and thank you )