Coping with toddler food fussiness - any advice?

[amyboo]

DS is 19 months old. Up until about a month ago he would eat literally anything we put in front of him. Even if it was something new, he'd taste it, spit it out and then more often than not accept it on second delivery... He's been like this since we weaned him and has been eating pretty much the same things we eat since he was about 9 months old.

However, he's now started getting unbelievably fussy with food and often won't even put it in his mouth to try before turning his head away and saying no. He often gets really stressed out if we try and encourage him and will try and tip the plate/bowl up. He's fine with breakfast, afternoon fruit and tea (when he usually has something small like toast or scrambled eggs) but lunch is turning into a nightmare. He's in creche 4 days a week and apparently eats fine there, but at home he's essentially refusing to even try things.

DH thought it might be that he started finding our food too rich/spicy or whatever, so we made pizza for lunch yesterday and all sat down to eat together. DS refused to even touch his bits, and just pushed the plate away! He's eaten it before, so I know it's something he would/could normally eat.

I really don't know what to do. I made some Anabel Karmel pasta sauce last night that DH will try with DS today for lunch, but I don't know what we'll do if he won't eat it, as pasta was normally one of his favourite foods. He seems to be teething again (he's still got 8 teeth to come through), so I don't know if that's causing it? What's getting me is that he won't even try a bit. He just says no and turns his head away. We don't offer anything else (although I give him ihis yogurt) and he doesn't cry for food or anything, so maybe he's simply not hungry...

Can anyone help? I'm at a complete loss. DS was always such a good eater and I just don't know where we're going wrong...

Bump...

Apparently DS refused to even look at his lunch. Turned his head and pushed it away. That was pasta ffs - he normally wolfs it down. Help. I feel like crying I'm so lost with all this.

I think he might be doing this to get a reaction and to control you because you say he eats well when you aren't around. I would give him a variety of healthy foods 4 or 5 times a day and not mention (or react in any way to) whether he eats or not, so no "try the yummy xxx; good boy; you're going to be hungry; you're not going to get a snack if you don't eat now; but you loved the pasta last time; just try the pizza, etc etc". I think, if you are friendly, but take absolutely no notice of what he is eating, he will eventually eat because he's hungry.
Sometimes it helps to read a story while he sits with his food, but only if this is something you can believably do in a casual way (we used to read stories at all sorts of odd moments and found them great diffusers of tension).
Also, I wouldn't even say things like "Now it's lunchtime and we're having pizza"; I would just sit down with some food without talking about it at all. This should help remove food from the list things he is trying to show you he can take control of.

Mine is the same. She is now 22 months and in the last few months has "gone off" lots of things she used to love. Like pasta. She used to eat lots of food and now just isn't as interested. She will usually eat a bit but the quantity has decreased massively. I think it is entirely normal as they have stopped that huge amount of growth they do in the first year or so and simply don't need to eat as much. Most of her friends are the same.

To be honest I just ignore it. If she eats it she eats it and if she doesn't she doesn't. (Obv if I am trying a new food which she might not like then I accept she doesn't like it and offer toast instead or something plain). For example, at lunch she had a cracker, a few bites of homemade chicken finger covered in breadcrumbs, 6 pieces of cucumber, a satsuma and a yoghurt. So didn't each much of her "main course" but I still give her a pudding as I don't believe in witholding it as punishment for not eating the main course. Some people would call me soft but I see each meal as a whole, including the pudding. Obv not sweets etc though. (plus she is also coldy and teething and satsuma will do her good!).

At the weekend she wanted rice krispies for lunch and dinner. I let her. I don't want to make battles out of food. She also had some cucumber and fruit and that was that. She hasn't asked for them at lunch or dinner since.

If I were you I would ignore and do not try and force/encourage him to eat. If he were hungry he would eat and getting loads of attention will just encourage him to play up. I think they just aren't as hungry and there are loads of distractions now.

God - essay - hope that helps a bit!

amyboo - what you are saying basically exactly describes my DD2 who is 20 months. She has become such a monkey about eating and used to be brilliant too. Looking back I can now remember when DS1 (who is now 4) used to do exactly the same and it did pass- he now eats most things. I am trying to keep this in mind which is hard when DD1 keeps refusing food and then randomly eating it again the next day or not- it is so frustrating! I never know if she's going to eat anything!
However I think I am a bit more relaxed about it this time as I am sure it will pass.. and I think its totally fine to offer pudding / yoghurt etc if they've not eaten their 'main.' I think at this age I'm sure I read somewher that its more about little and often food eating rather than 3 meals a day. hope this helps.

Anyone going through this has my sympathies, DD was a nightmare at mealtimes from when she was weaned until just over 2, she is now 3.1 and for the most part a really good eater, a bit picky but not crazy fussy.

My main advise is to try and remain laidback about it (v hard I know), if you show them it is bothering you it will become a control thing. Also if you try to get them to eat by bombarding them, try this, ok then try this, or have some of this, it will make the problem worse and they will remain fussy/difficult for much longer.

Just offer them their dinner and let then get on with it, after a certain time remove and move on to fruit, yog and then dinner is over. Personally if they say they are hungry later then either offer their dinner again or stick to something simple like a banana that will keep them going until breakfast.

Also they all have growth spurts and hungrier times, as they get older it becomes easier to see this pattern and you won't worry so much that they aren't eating x amount everyday.

Good luck and stay calm (easier said than done I know)

Just stop.

If he doesn't want it, he doesn't want it. Just take it away.

Seriously. He won't starve himself. Serve up healthy pleasant normal food and don't make a fuss about whether it is eaten or not and mealtimes will become a whole lot more pleasant.

Thank you sooo much for all your helpful comments and advice. It's so comforting to know that others are going through this, or have been through it and come out the other side!

I think it is basically a control thing. For instance last night, DS was standing on a chair in the kitchen "helping" DH make dinner. I offered DS a piece of pepper to try and he turned away and said no. When I wasn't trying to offer, he was trying to help himself to slices of raw onion! It seems that he doesn't want to be told what to eat by me and/or DH. I think it works in creche because he sits at a table with 5/6 other kids and they just put their food in front of them and leave them to it. I guess I maybe try and get too involved in his eating, try to encourage him, load the spoon etc.

We've basically decided to follow some of your advice. We'll keep serving him the food we normally do (maybe in slightly smaller portions) and try eating lunch together wherever possible. But will take a step back and leave him to explore/make a mess of it by himself. If he doesn't eat it, we won't force the issue, we'll just take the bowl away and give him his dessert. Hopefully that way he'll stop trying to challenge us and may eventually start eating little bits of his food again. He's fine with every other meal of the day too, so I know he's not going to starve I guess....

Thanks again everyone for the helpful advice and sympathy!

snailoon - I just wanted to thank you for the reading suggestion. DH was at home with DS on his own today, and DS is usually worse for him than for me. Today DH decided to read a book out loud while DS ate his lunch, and DS was so absorbed by DH reading The Twits that he sat and fed himself his lunch without the slightest fight! So happy!

We're also having some success with ignoring him while he eats - sitting around talking among ourselves and generally not paying him attention unless he's actually eating it properly (when we give him praise). We're also stressing less about food being thrown eveywhere - if it gets thrown on the floor, we pick it up and put it back in his bowl on the table without a word. Usually, he's play with it a bit but at least half normally goes in. I finally feel like we might be getting somewhere! (although that will probably all change by next weekend!). Thanks for all your advice!

After years of trying many things with our fussy DD about a year ago we finally did what MIL (who is very experienced with children) told us to do.

Nothing.

It's great. We don't get stressed; neither does she. She even occasionally asks to try new things. If we relpase into cajoling, persuading, telling off we can it really quickly and back off. IT;s the only thing that comes close to working.