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How can I stop my 4.5 year old hitting people and generally being stupid?

8 replies

miranda2 · 21/12/2005 21:14

my 4.5 yr old ds started school this autumn. we also had a new baby (who he likes a lot but i know it could be a factor), 7 months ago. Over the past few months he has just been getting STUPID! He does silly things which really wind me and dh up, and never seems to do what we ask until we shout at him or threaten to smack him (I know I shouldn't and fully accept that this is the first thing I need to change! But I'm hoping there are other things I can do to help too.) Recently the staff at the afterschool club have been saying he has hit another child - his best friend! - quite often, perhaps every other day. Tonight said friend - G - came to stay, and they were fighting etc almost all evening, and generally playing up (though less surprised about the latter as they were obviously excited). I just wondered - is this normal 4.5 year old behaviour? I wouldn't be surprised, but I'd like to check it out! And if so, when can I expect him to get a bit more sensible? Its not that he is particularly nasty or violent, just he seems to have little concept of where the edges of his body are, what the consequences of a particular action will be, and so on - so he is always knocking over drinks, hitting himself on things, and pushing/hitting G without I think much awareness that this is going to hurt. Certainly when he gets hit himself he is full of tears and complaints and doesnt' seem to make the connection! Or is this not normal and I should do something about it? Thanks!

OP posts:
Shimmers · 21/12/2005 23:01

Miranda, the first thing I personally would do is not to hit your child. As you are doing this to him, he most probably thinks that this is perfectly acceptable behaviour and won't know any different if that's what he is seeing and having happening to him. As for being 'stupid' (Sorry, but I really don't like this word as I don't think any children are stupid), how do you define this?

thecattleareALOHing · 21/12/2005 23:36

I think four year old boys are notoriously hard work tbh. There have been many threads on it (most notably a "f**ing fours" thread!

Have you tried talking to him, asking how he feels when he hits and trying to discuss alternative ways of dealing with frustration etc?
My 4 year old drives me to distraction quite often.

MARINAtivityPlay · 21/12/2005 23:54

He sounds like every four year old boy I've ever met, including my own at that age (who also set off for Reception leaving me at home with a newborn). It's a huge testosterone surge that causes most of this stupid behaviour - the highest levels they experience until puberty, apparently. They can't control themselves fully...ds actually burst into tears once and said he didn't know what he was doing, after a bout of really annoying antics.
Aloha is right Miranda...there are some good threads on this in the archives...the first I remember was WWW's son...some years ago now!
It gradually unkinks around six-ish, ie, the interludes of sane behaviour get longer. But yesterday I was with another Mner and her six year old and despite getting on really well on the whole, they shoutily karate-kicked each other all the way to the Docklands Museum at which point we were sorely tempted to shove them into the docks and go off shopping instead.

BluStocking · 22/12/2005 00:18

LOL Marina!
I posted about this a few months back - in a thread with 'hulking out'in the title, and got some v good replies - i must look up WWW's thread and the 'f fours' one, to see me through the next few months.
DS drives me mad, talking in a 'silly voice', and had to be moved from the front row of a theatre this morning for constantly shouting out 'wisecracks' (not!).
I am persisting with being v calm, ignoring everything that can be ignored with due regard for health and safety, as any attention seems to feed the beast, and not forgetting to treat him like a baby - cudling, etc, because partly i thnk they come to believe their own super-hero-ridden fiction, and inhabit an imaginitive twighlight world of grusome cricifixions and sword-fights.
School and a sibling will add extra turbulence, so I think patience, calm and a sense of security are your best weapons.

May the force be with you.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 22/12/2005 02:16

Check food labels for E621, 282, 220.

Read Fed Up by Sue Dengate - if anything sounds familiar then try the failsafe diet and see if it improves things for him.

I know I'm coming at this from a different angle, but I think you could eliminate the possibility of it being something that he can't help doing.

miranda2 · 27/12/2005 20:32

Thanks everyone! Mainly for the reassurance that this is normal. I'll check the food labels too, and look up those old threads.

OP posts:
Bozza · 27/12/2005 20:40

Also bear in mind Miranda that the last couple of weeks have been very exciting for a 4yo. DS (5 in Feb) has been very excited and very tired which has of course affected his behaviour. He started reception in September and struggled with illness and tiredness until half term, had an OK November but then the tiredness and excitement have hit him during December. Also I think for DS there has been a change in routine and a few late nights which always get to him.

merrySOAPBOXingday · 27/12/2005 20:43

Miranda - I'm off to search the archives too

My 5YO DS is bouncing off the walls as we speak!

A combination of relaxed routines, lots of rellies around giving lots of attention who have now departed, so attention has to be won somehow or other. Also more sweets around than usual with their sugar high potential to initiate mayhem!

15 minutes until holiday bedtime, so peace will soon reigneth

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