Ok, I have 2 yo ID twin girls. Actually they're almost 3. (December birthday!)
Anyway, background info: my older son is 11 and my Bonus Kid just turned 12 last week, and I have had BK in my life since he was 8.
The problem is that I do not remember my bio son being anything even remotely like as difficult as the girls are. I didn't know my Bonus Kid when he was this age, of course, but DH tells me he was nothing like this tough either. So we have no experience with this.
It's not so much defiance really, as they will listen, and do as they're told, and respond well to 123 Magic technique, which is how I've parented all four kids at every age and stage. (I still use 123 Magic with the big boys, and me just sticking two fingers up into the air still strikes fear into their hearts....lol!)
It's the girls constant unrelenting fighting with each other and the horrific high pitched Nazgul like shriek that accompanies almost every word they speak. For example, DD(C) was coloring at the table, and she dropped a crayon. (She couldn't pick it up herself as she was in a booster seat with a belt and couldn't get down. Rather than just saying "Mama, I dropped my crayon!" (I was sitting a foot away) it was this:
"MY-CRAYON-MY-CRAYON-MY-CRAYON-GET-IT-NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
...at a pitch and volume that could compete with a fire engine at full cry.
It's like this with Every. Single. Thing. And I'm not exaggerating. Plus they beat the abosolute SNOT out of each other over every single thing, screaming and howling all the while. It's gotten to the point that often if one of them even starts to walk toward the other, the other will immediately begin screaming. We've tried everything. We try not to interfere in arguing unless it gets physical, but the noise is just Godawful every minute of the day. Time outs for the screaming and physical fighting work for a few moments, but they just go right back to it within 10 minutes of getting off the naughty spot. I've tried ignoring it and saying calmly "I will answer you when you can speak politely to me without screaming." or "I will help you sort it out when you stop being nasty to each other." I've even resorted, on really bad days to wearing those soft earplugs that take the edge off the screams. (I know, I know. Crucify me...lol)
It's bad enough for me normally, obviously, as a SAHM but right now my DH is in Machester (we live in Newcastle) filming a TV pilot, and so I'm alone with it 24/7 for the next week. We normally use WWE Tag Out Technique, and when one of us has had it, we tag the other one, and leave the room for 15 minutes and the other one steps in until they can't handle any more, and so forth. But, with him not here, it's really just doing my head in. I feel sorry for my poor older boys because they are just getting to that age of having friends round for meals and things, and it embarrases me and them when the girls freak the hell out every 45 seconds with their friends are here.
I know the girls are probably being more like "average" two year olds, and that the older boys were probably an anomaly for being so calm, but I don't know where to go from here. If this TV pilot gets picked up, Dh could potentially be in Manchester 3 days each week, and still working the "day job" four other days. Its far enough that he can't commute, and I feel HORRIBLY guilty for almost hoping the show doesn't get picked up because I don't know how I'd deal with it.
I'm an american expat, so I don't have any family here (not that they'd help even if I did. They're all knuckleheads) and all my friends here work. I don't have a car, as we only have the one, and naturally he has to use it for work. My MIL works full time still, and I don't get on with her anyway, as she is one of these types who has favorites, and therefor she will only babysit or help out my youngest SIL and the rest of us have to go hang. So she's out.
I have one wonderful neighbor who's retired and a "confirmed Bachelor" and like a Grandpa to the kids, and he helps out when he can, but he also has obligations too, to his own sister, and his nieces and nephews because he helps them with babysitting too. So he can only help a limited amount.
I just don't know what to do. I really feel like if we could just get this screeching and horrible fighting under control, I could cope ok with the other things most 2 year olds do. (I won't even go into what happens when I try to get them to eat something, or go to the potty. They do it, but they make it as miserable for me as they can the whole time.)
Me and the two older boys are about to just check into The Priory, so any thoughts at all would be greatly welcomed.
Thanks,
Becky