Building self confidence

[colette]

I would appreciate any tips/advice on how to help my 4yr old (5 in a few weeks) to be more confident. Today she didn't eat the sandwich I gave her for her school lunch because her friend laughed at her having tomatoe in it! So she got upset and didn't eat it.
She also wet herself today , she is shy at going to the toilet at school and usually nearly wets herself before we get home. I have mentioned this to her teacher.
Her nursery school teacher mentioned she was a bit nervous and underconfident sometimes and I have tried to praise her and encourage her but I feel I should be doing more. Have to go 3mnth ds is no longer amused by the washing machine....

Isn't is just so frustrating - you know they can do and would enjoy it so much more if only they'd give themselves a chance. A friend of mine had a similar sandwich episode and I think the teacher stepped in - after all everyone is entitled to their own tastes. In the meantime you could give her something more acceptable to stop the teasing or ask that she sits elsewhere. Perhaps they need a class cooking lesson to experiment a bit ! As to the toilet, we go through this at the beginning of each year. ds is allowed to go whenever he needs to (each of the younger age groups have one adjacent to classroom)although they are encouraged to go at breaks and before going outside to play. Is she shy about using the toilets or asking to go. I'm sure it won't be the first or last time the teacher has encountered this and should be able to offer suggestions and treat it in a matter of fact way.

To increase her overall confidence continue to praise the things she does well or tries to do even if she finds them difficult. Practice other
skills such as dressing with buttons, doing her coat up etc, things which the baby can't do. Her frustrations may well be more exaggerated by feeling that she is no longer the baby in the family and must be more independent, so that may in itself make her less willing to take the risks which if successful would help her.

hth

Thanks for your reply Lizs . I do try and praise her especially since ds arrived but I also worry that I can be impatient with her in the evenings. At home she is confident even pretty bolshy ,it seems as if she is different at school.

Colette
I think they are all different at school. Does she worry about these episodes? I bet everyone has wet themselves at school. You could try saying something like "I used to do that too, but as you get a bit older you grow out of it" - I've used this for tantrums, nerves, fears, sulks etc.
As for the tomato I don't think they ever grow out of not eating what their friends don't like - if the teacher can nip it in the bud now, you may be more successful at getting them to eat 'good' packed lunches than ever I was.

copper thanks
About the food issue I decided to give her a packed lunch as the school dinners were so junky. We live in Glasgow and there is supposed to be a drive towards healthier eating but it is not filtering through. The school offers chocalate and strawberry (UHT) milk

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There is a book called "I am special". It's aimed at children with AS (to raise their self confidence), but there's no reason it wouldn't be useful for children with general self confidence problems. I've seen it in quite a few bookshops (education/SN section) so it might be worth flicking through. It has a series of exercises worksheet type things you go through. It's aimed at 7/8 year olds but it might give you some ideas of things to do with your dd.

RobinW
Thanks I am going to a parents night soon so I will mention it.

JimJams
Our post crossed I will track down the book as i feel it would really helpful to me. Even if it is for an older child I am sure I can learn something from it. Do you know the author