DS (3.3) is really clingy when I leave him at nursey

[MoggyMummy]

DS (3.3) has been going to nursery since he was five months old. In the last 6 months he has become increasingly clingy when I leave him there in the morning - it is really upsetting me.

I stay with him for a while and then leave but I have to catch him at a good moment and then it is painless otherwise he has a full blown crying attack. The other week it was so bad that I ended up staying there for 45 minutes!

I just can leave him when he is feeling so upset becasue more often than not I will end up in tears too (I guess it is just guilt). The staff at nursery tell me he is fine once I have gone and I know this is true.

Does anyone else have a child who does this and any advice as to how I can harden myself?

Thanks!

hello, my dd1 did this and hv recommended advice by tanya byron (you could google her name). basically firm hug, say you will come later and then go despite crying. apparently it is kinder than staying /(on both of you)_. tried this with dd1 and it worked. nursery staff shhould help by taking him off you if you ask.

Hi PaintedLady

This is what my husband tells me too. I guess I'm just too soft with him. It really creaks my heart but I will google for what tanya byron says.

Thanks!

Horrible, horrible, though it is, you have to remember that the crying and carrying on is for your benefit only and to make you stay with him. Which is why he went on for 45 minutes last week!!!! My dd used to scream when I left her at nursery but I took the advice of the carers and gave her a big cuddle and a kiss, said "Mummy will be back later to pick you up." and left her with a staff member. They assured me that the crying would stop within 5 minutes of me going. Heartbreaking, but it worked.

My DS was exactly the same. He didn't go to nursery as a baby but I put him in nursery when he was 2.5 more for his social benefit than anything else. He would scream, and i learned very quickly from experience that the longer I stayed, the worse he was. So I just give him a hug and say "Mummy will be back after lunch", kiss him goodbye and walk away. Often it was hard because I would hear him crying "I want my mummy", and it is heart breaking, but whenever I went to pick him up he was always happy and had had a ball.

It's very true that the crying is for our benefit only - a few weeks ago I took DS there, and while he was hanging up his coat, he was crying "I don't want to go", then he saw one of the staff members from one of the other classes and called out to her "hello! and was totally happy, until she disappeared, and then the crying started again - fooled I was not.

He's much much better now and this m morning ran off almost without so much as a backward glance.

I know it's hard to leave, but staying is pandering to the crying, and the more you stay, the more he will cry.

good luck

Hello everyone

THanks for your replies - I just needed to hear someone say that it was normal behaviour. It is strange becasue I should be used to it by now after him being in nursery for almost three years. He has always been fine up until 6 months ago. I put it down to him growing up and becoming more clever in "mummy manipulation techniques"

I will definitely try to leave without a fuss from now on. I spoke to the nursery staff toda and they are going to help me.