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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

16 month old doesn't seem to have stopped crying since she was born.

16 replies

mmmmmchocolate · 03/10/2011 11:39

Please help, I'm just not coping with it any more.

Now DD has been poorly for the last week cold, temp, miserable etc. She's been poking at her mouth and her throat was inflamed at the weekend so I understand that all that has probably made her worse. Since she woke up this morning she had been inconsolable. She's quiet at the moment but I'm scared to say anything to her incase it sets her off :(

A bit of history, she was born not breathing, the cord wrapped around her three times. I took a while for the team to get her breathing but as soon as she did she started crying and I don't think she's ever stopped! The first 6 months were hell, inconsolable screaming, reluctant to feed. It's colic it'll stop at 3 months said the HV. Then it'll stop at 4 months, 5 months etc. At 6 months a passing comment from a friend who asked if I had considered reflux clicked everything into place. But as soon as I figured it out she was weaned and things got better.

The winging and moaning has never gone away though, I can't remember having good days with her although I know I must have because I love her to bits and she is so much fun :) now I'm always thinking 'not don't tell her off it'll set her off' and I'm the bloody parent! Of course she needs telling off if she's doing something naughty!

I don't know what to do DD1 has just started school and it makes for a long day if she's in a mood. I don't even know what point I'm making or what advice I'm looking for lol! I just want my little lady to be happy...

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chareesoso · 03/10/2011 12:36

awhh bless i feel for you i bet its tough but the only advice i can give is to you say strong and it will all be fine x x

Hassled · 03/10/2011 12:48

You poor thing. Would it help to keep a bit of a record - so that on days like today you can look back and remind yourself that actually, Saturday afternoon she had fun, Sunday morning was calm etc. ? That way you can keep a sense of perspective when it feels like she never stops crying.

Also - her birth experience sounds absolutely horrific and must have scared the wits out of you. Is it possible you've been tense around her ever since - that you can't really relax because of what happened? And babies are so good at picking up on tension - my DS1 was a crier and I'm sure it was because I was always so nervy and tense around him (if it helps, he's a very chilled, almost-too-laid-back adult, now). Did you ever speak to someone about her birth? Because you're right - you can't be afraid to stop her when she's doing something you don't like. You have to find some way to regain confidence with her, and then I'm sure you'll relax, and she'll relax. Easy for me to say, I know - much harder to do.

kblu · 03/10/2011 12:54

I could have written that post myself a couple of years ago. My DS was a bit like that. He was born not breathing as well and had HIE, not sure this has anything to do with it though, just a coincidence.

He was such a miserable child until he turned about two and he suddenly stopped being so miserable! Now he's the happiest little boy you'd meet.

Looking back now it was probably because he was ill an awful lot. He went to nursery from nine months old and caught something every couple of weeks until he turned two and came out of the baby room (which obviously also coincided with his built up immunity). He's the only child I know who has had hand foot and mouth three times, he was literally ill for the first two years of his life. I'm sure I would have been miserable too.

So just wanted to say there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also most children start talking around about two and I find that really helped with my LO, stopped the tantrums and built-up frustration and crying.

shefliesthrutheair · 03/10/2011 13:03

Have you tried cranial osteopathy? I've heard it's supposed to help babies deal with the after effects of traumatic births...

www.familiesonline.co.uk/Subjects/Articles/Osteopathy-for-Babies

It's probably not a magic solution, but may be worth a go...

kblu · 03/10/2011 13:04

Yes i've heard some fantastic stories about cranial osteopathy. Never tried it with our lo but it's worth a shot.

MissHonkover · 03/10/2011 13:29

You have my sympathy, DD is nearly 16 months and there has been ONE day since she has been born where afterwards we said, "that was a lovely day".

Similar story to you, born not breathing, then some time in SCBU. Silent reflux. We saw a CO, who was lovely, but in the end she just grew out of the reflux.

We're lucky in that DD is very hardy, hardly every gets ill, but holy fuck is she grumpy. Sometimes I'm at the end of my tether with the whining, crying, and furious tempers.

We are totally at the mercy of her moods, she has to go outside every day, no matter what the weather, and is very easily bored. Thankfully she is able to play on her own, as she is likely to end up an only child, not sure I'm brave enough to gamble that another baby couldn't be as difficult.

Keep your chin up, I really don't think that people with easy babies understand how nightmarish it can be with a difficult one.

CombineArvester · 03/10/2011 13:37

Yes I've got a very very miserable ex-reflux DC2 who is rapidly approaching 2nd bday and not improving much.

The thing is DC1 had reflux and was miserable, but when he grew out of the reflux he was lovely and happy. But DC2 took a lot longer to grow out of it (if at all) and I think he is sort of stuck in this miserable grumpy personality. Everything makes him cry or shout. To be fair if he is not ill, not teething and has had a full nights sleep and a decent daytime nap, he can be quite fun, but those days are few and far between.

I am wondering if there is something else wrong with him tbh - he constantly has a cough, snotty nose, pale skin, rashes, dodgy stomach - but I have been back and forth to the docs so many times I've sort of given up.

I am hoping when all the teeth are through and the immune system is a bit stronger we will see some improvement. I feel really bad for DC1 that instead of a happy little playmate he most of the time has a grumpy, hitting, shouting and screaming attention thief.

Hmmm have depressed myself and probably not cheered you up either. I suppose at least you know there are other people in the same boat.

addictedtofrazzles · 03/10/2011 17:39

I have 2 ex silent reflux sufferers. And from what you have said, sounds like he may still have it? I only say that because a dear friend only got her son diagnosed at 15 months old after a living nightmare and daily doses of ranitadine (an antacid) has transformed both their lives.

Original poster

mmmmmchocolate · 03/10/2011 18:45

Thank you for all of your posts they do make sense :)

hassled yes I have always been tense with her she had illness after illness after she was born and DD1 started nursery a few months after her birth and kept bringing diseases home to share :-/ I think for her first year I had this overwhelming fear that she just wasn't meant to be here and she wouldn't be with me for long :( the birth though was great I was only in hospital for 6 hours I never realised that her not breathing could have affected me...

I've taken her to the doctors and she has had some kind of viral infection and he said her tummy is very rumbly and he would expect her to have diahorea soon (we've all had a tummy bug so it makes sense she's in pain now) when she starts screaming I just seem to go back to that newborn stage when neither of us stopped crying!

misshonkover DD1 was the smiliest, happiest baby. She's a wonderful calm 4year old now. It's true you don't get 2 the same! It's been good to put things in perspective and she's being lovely now, had a meltdown when told her not to hit her sister.... But snapped out of it quite quickly :)

Another thing is DP always says she is lovely for him and the inlaws have her occasionally whilst I work and she is an angel for them. Maybe she is feeding off my tension.

OP posts:

MissHonkover · 03/10/2011 19:21

Blimey, it must have been extra tricky after a smiley happy baby, at least I didn't know any different!

WhollyGhost · 03/10/2011 19:27

My dd was like this - also had a v. traumatic birth, and she mostly screamed for the first two years of her life. The third year has been a delight, she learned to talk and suddenly turned into the happiest toddler I know.

With hindsight, I do wonder if it was partly my own tension affecting her (of course I was tense I was extremely sleep deprived for two years!). Whatever it was, it did get better.

Original poster

mmmmmchocolate · 03/10/2011 20:08

I'm hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel :)

Misshonkover I wanted 3 Dc's, now I'm very very happy with just 2 :o

OP posts:

kblu · 03/10/2011 20:17

MissHonkover, i'm the same. I am TTC at the minute and as our DS was a nightmare baby and terrible tantruming toddler we just think surely we can't get one worse next time round....SURELY?!! :o

Bourbonchops · 04/10/2011 11:16

Wow, this thread has made me feel so much better.
My youngest- DD3 is such hard work and it seems she has never stopped crying since she was born. Her birth was straightforward but she suffered reflux quite a lot. She will be 2 years old next month and she is so grumpy, always picking things up to throw them in temper, hitting her siblings, hates to be told 'No'. I can't take her out shopping or anything as she has the most tremendous screaming tantrums wherever we go. People look at me like there's something that must be wrong.
Please, please let this behaviour pass- for all our sakes!

pinkhebe · 04/10/2011 11:23

my ds was exactly the same, he's 11.5 now, and when he was born we'd never even heard of reflux, but it's obvious he had it now.

A lot of the wilfulness and grumpiness passed once he got to school (although he was a handful for the first few years) but he's now in a super selective school and is soooo happy, a teacher once put it 'he was born knowing' and I think he spent a lot of the first few years very frustrated, he was also late in talking which didn't help.

But it does pass, he is the most delightful boy now (and has been for the last few years).

TurquoiseTranquility · 08/02/2012 18:32

sorry for resurrecting the thread (was searching for something else but stopped by) and sorry haven't read all the comments in a rush BUT if your DD had digestive problems as a baby that often creates more digestive (and other) problems later on. She might simply be in constant pain. I don't know much about reflux, but in DS untreated colic (which ended up being lactose intolerance) messed up his gut flora which then led to poor weight gain ever since weaning. He simply couldn't digest his food properly, and the only sign was slightly loose stools, but I wasn't worried because it wasn't diarrhea. The moment I started giving him probiotics it all got better.

My point is, you may need good advice on digestive health, and specifically what reflux may lead to. Best of luck.

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