8 months before starting school & still not dressing self or doing self in toilet

[maZebraltov]

Ok, so 8 months might seem a long time, but I thinkit will be a long campaign to improve DD's behavior.
She is 4+2months. How do I get her interested in doing up buttons, and wanting to dress herself? She'll choose her clothes, but won't dress herself. It's a major achievement that she now pulls up her own knix+tights after using the loo.
She usually fights going to the toilet; this has twice caused her to develop UTIs. We find her squatting & shuddering in a corner desperate to go, but refusing. She had painful constipation when younger. We have to coerce/threaten her to go use the toilet after we catch her like that. Then she will NOT try to learn to wipe her bottom (although she sometimes does herself if it's only wee).
Does anyone have any experience to share, what worked for you to get them more personally independent?

Not had that experiendee with the toileting. However dd who was 4 in August, still finds it hard to dress herself especially in the mornings. Gradually I'm trying to get her to do a little more for herself each week, so atm she can do underwear and tights then I'll help with poloneck top and tunic, which she'll zip up, and she'll find and put on her cardigan and shoes. She can get things on and off over her head and do tights/knickers but not do buttons or coat type zips. They don't change for pe yet, just swimming with which they get help I think, so apart from doing their own shoes and outdoor clothes it hasn't really proved a problem. She can get her arms in her coat sleeves, do gloves and hat. Her shoes fasten with velcro but she can thread the strap through the slot and do them up herself. When she gets back into summer uniform after Easter I'll work on the dress buttons with her.

hth

Can only say that 8 months is a long time. Ds's toileting only came together about a week before he started reception (and even then he still had a few accidents). As far as getting dressed goes I now race him - if he thinks he might 'win' at it he's much quicker.

I have one in yr1 and one in the nursery class, neither of whom wipe their own bottoms (dd can do it but the mess is quite something else so she normally poos at home and gets me to do it!)

star charts for wiping herself? with a small colouring book or stickers as an incentive to doing it or at least trying for a week.

buttons - wouldn't expect that at 4 - if you are worried about polo shirts, just leave the top button undone so they can get them over their heads for PE.

Does she go to nursery? Does she have toilet problems there? Maybe when she sees the other children going she might tag along?

Is she looking forward to school? My dd was, and we made a lot of progress with dressing and so on by saying that only children who can take their own tops off/put their own coats on/[insert current activity that dd is digging her heels in about] are allowed to go to school. Not in a threatening way, but in a sympathetic "Oh no, what a shame" way.

She's 4.5 and in Reception now, and she still doesn't manage to wipe her own bottom very well (short arms; can't reach!) but she tends not to use the school toilets for poo anyway. The teachers have been setting tasks every week, including putting their own coats on and doing their own zips up, so there are obviously children there who can't do those things - the teachers don't seem fazed and are happy to help with things like putting coats on.

Also remember she'll be one of the older ones in the class.

My DS was 4 in August and started in September. I stitched velro down the two fastenings of his coat so he can do his coat up that way, as I knew there was no way he could master his zip. Funnily enough, there was a photo in the local paper about the school and all the other children had their coats undone, apart from DS who did his velro up!

Could you take her to shoose some toilet paper or wipes especially for 'her'? eg patterned / pink etc? And maybe get her a box in her favourite colour to store in the bathroom with them in? That seems to help with kids of that age.

My ds3 starts school a year earlier than most (free nursery place at the school) but as he is a late developer / end of July baby can't even say Mum yet. So, worrying already too . Given that DS1 has AS and DS2 has glue ear, I was hoping they'd check his hearing / development but HV says not until he's 3, which gives us a month before he starts Nursery.

Is your dd taking any medication for her tiolet problems, She may be holding it because she remembers the pain it caused. My ds, just turned 4, had painfull constipation and it caused him to start holding it in rather than go. Now he is on movocol and things have improved immensley, but i am still having trouble getting him tiolet trained, yes he is still in pull ups at 4. We now see a nurse at the hospital every month to help and support us with this problem. Your dd may need some softener to help her.
My ds also makes no attempt at wanting to dress himself, not even put his own socks on.