3 yr old pinching other kids at nursery school

[kampa]

I was told today when I picked up my son from nursery school that he has been pinching other kids on the face. Apparently this has happened before but it's the first I've been told about it. They said he was really aggressive today with all the kids in his class and difficult to control.

I feel sick, to be honest. He's not aggressive like this at home or with kids he knows. He did go through a phase of shouting at other kids last year, but wasn't physically aggressive and got over that a while ago. He says he doesn't want to go to school (he just started 3 weeks ago) and reasons for it are probably that he's finding it difficult to cope in the new environment, being away from home, etc. But still, I don't think there's ever any excuse to hurt other children!!

I really want to help him stop doing this. I am arranging to meet with his teacher to talk about how they are dealing with it at school, but I need ideas for what I can do with him at home. It's hard because I don't see him act like this myself, so all I can think of to do is talk to him about it and tell him it's wrong. Is there anything else I should be doing??

Please let me know if you have any ideas! Thanks!

Oh dear, you sound really embarrassed. It probably is just that he is getting used to being a nursery and will calm down as the year goes on - it sounds like you are doing the things in telling him it is wrong and working together with the nursery staff to stop it. My DS is only 18mo but he is a pincher when he gets too excited. We have just made a breakthrough with telling him to stroke rather than pinch, which is a bit odd when he comes running up to you full f beans and then starts stroking your arm but a lot better than the alternative!

Just remember, even though the pinching can't be condoned, that he'll be doing it for a reason. It might be hard to get to the bottom of exactly what the reason is but he isn't a nasty little boy. And you can still be on his side whilst supporting nursery in dealing with the problem. Ds has bitten and hit people. It's horrible, I can't accept it, but I can see why it happens. I think little ones need to know you're going to help them deal with the overwhelming emotions that make them act like that. By the way, gradually ds has become more able to deal with things non physically and I have been able to hover a little further away from him at toddlers. It will get better, especially if you can work out what triggers it. It will also help if nursery are prepared to help find out too. Often, these things persist because the so called aggressor gets punishment without actually finding out what causes it. Your son's pinching is a symptom of something that's not right, one way or another. Sorry-bit waffly!

I found these age-appropriate stories really helpful with my little one, as they cover themes such as"Don't be a bully, Billy" and "Give that back, Jack" in a way that's easy for them to relate to at that age. They are available online from www.usborneonline'org/beautiful_books
hope it helps!