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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My dd referred to as a madam what would you think someone meant by this?

69 replies

mykiddies · 21/09/2011 12:40

She is coming 5 soon and I would say she is v confident, chatty, friendly not at all shy. She loves out with her friends in the street and can be a bit bossy at times. When I told my mum neighbour said this she said oh dear.

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DownbytheRiverside · 21/09/2011 20:26

Put it this way, I'm a teacher and I'd never describe a child in my class as a madam. How would you feel if I did?
I don't need girls to be quiet and subservient, but I do like them to have some understanding of the fact that they are not the most important person in the room, and that others have equal rights. Which madams tend to struggle with.

TheFallenMadonna · 21/09/2011 20:26

I call my DD a madam when she is displaying a rather inflated sense of entitlement. I suppose it is linked to bossiness, but not quite the same thing. Still, I do not mean it as a compliment

DownbytheRiverside · 21/09/2011 20:27

'I would say she is v confident, chatty, friendly not at all shy.'

Yes, I have several of that ilk in my current class, and the power struggles are ongoing.

takeonboard · 21/09/2011 20:36

NO not Karen in outnumbered she is not a madam!! she is confident about expressing her opinion but not over-confident, opinionated, bossy to the point of bullying which is how I would describe the madams I have met - Karen is lovely!

MindyMacready · 21/09/2011 21:09

"proper little madam", think Bonnie Langford's character in Just William - Not a compliment!

Mouseketool · 22/09/2011 09:48

My parents used to call me Madam

LilRedWG · 22/09/2011 09:54

I'd take it as a negative comment - bossy, overbearing, spoilt? FWIW, my DD got called this when she has her first tantrum in public when she was about 20 months old.

If you are happy that this description does not fit your DD then ignore - that's what I did.

PublicHair · 22/09/2011 09:59

my dd2 is what i'd call a madam,but i wouldn't thank anyone else for doing so (unless they were a very close friend or family) if a teacher\parent of one of her friends said it i'd think they were being negative. (ditto 'handful')

IMO it means v strong willed,can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, v good company, knows her own mind,real sense of humour and opinions so has an answer for everything-very sparky etc
DD2s teacher loves her as she's her shadow and very amenable (at school) unfortunately i think she uses up all her 'good behaviour' at school!

Original poster

mykiddies · 22/09/2011 11:59

Interesting comments....is my dd sulky - no, stroppy - no, not v nice - absolutely not.

This sums her up = v strong willed,can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, v good company, knows her own mind,real sense of humour and opinions so has an answer for everything-very sparky etc

and it was the dad who said it!

I have seen them playing and they are over calling for her all the time and they are older children and they hug her when leaving her home. She seems to me a madam not because of spoilt, bratty behaviour but because she seems older for her years in what she says and the way she says it.

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madwomanintheattic · 23/09/2011 15:57

if he just called her 'madam', you're probably right. just a nickname referring to her grown-uppedness

if he called her a madam, it doesn't matter what you think she's like, he thinks she's a bit of a brat, and probably overpowering his children, however much they love to play with her.

v funny. we need a video clip!

madwomanintheattic · 23/09/2011 15:58

(has she just started school btw? i would love to be a fly on the wall at the first parent's evening!)

loganberry12 · 23/09/2011 16:45

at play school the other day one of the play school teachers said to me that my daughter was very strong willed, a nice way of saying she wont do as her told i think lol

Original poster

mykiddies · 23/09/2011 16:49

A 4 year old overpowering older children. She must be good. I think her schooling is just fine as on the 1st day was told she was great and got a cup in assembly for being helpful - not really the actions of a brat! in fact if you think she seems overpowering there is another child in her class who has been accused of being in your face and she is definitely not a brat just a granny mush lol remember that saying

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CalatalieSisters · 23/09/2011 16:52

Here is a link to the Clarks advert, by the way, for the sake of nostalgia.

I think, as someone has said on the thread, it is a corrosive term to use. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your daughter, but it means that an adult is denigrating her for her confidence, exhuberance etc., implying that there is something wrong with a girl taking the lead joyfully.

madwomanintheattic · 23/09/2011 17:13

lor, i've never heard of granny mush - must be a regional thing.

if it helps - ds1 is also a madam. confident and string willed at 5, and a total bossy pita at 9. he's lovely at school. i regularly wish i'd recognised where it was going in the early years instead of encouraging his confidence. should have squashed him then.

now i have to drag him off the street as he never ever ever lets anyone else work out the rules of any game they want to play. it's his way or the high way. so i drag him in and let them all have a say, then release him later for the next instalment of 'i. am. god.' they still all call for him and want him to come out and lecture them play. and they kow tow to his every whim. it's ridiculous. school encourage it btw, as they feel he's so jolly clever they let him teach and all sorts. impossible to break down his god comples - i just hope empathy kicks in at some point, but i suspect he's just going to be a ceo or something.

madwomanintheattic · 23/09/2011 17:13

complex, obv.

caughtinanet · 23/09/2011 18:47

calataliesisters - I think your post illustrates how people use this word differently, I've never heard it used to describe a girl who "takes the lead joyfully". This to me is a positive quality (in moderation) whilst the other behaviours normally associated with madamness are not.

AnnoyingOrange · 23/09/2011 18:59

I've never heard it used in a positive sense

mathanxiety · 23/09/2011 19:15

Everyone gets told they are good on the first day

A lot of what you have enumerated as a positive about your child could be equally used as a negative, unfortunately.

'v strong willed, can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, v good company, knows her own mind, real sense of humour and opinions so has an answer for everything-very sparky etc'

'she seems older for her years in what she says and the way she says it.'

'can be a bit bossy at times'

That being said I think it's quite a sexist remark to make about girls. It's never positive, even if it's 'madam' as opposed to 'a madam' or 'a right little madam'.

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