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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My dd referred to as a madam what would you think someone meant by this?

69 replies

mykiddies · 21/09/2011 12:40

She is coming 5 soon and I would say she is v confident, chatty, friendly not at all shy. She loves out with her friends in the street and can be a bit bossy at times. When I told my mum neighbour said this she said oh dear.

OP posts:

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piprabbit · 21/09/2011 13:37

TBH if I had a child to play at my house and told his parent on collection he had been a 'handful', I wouldn't be trying to say that he had brought any joy.

AurraSing · 21/09/2011 13:42

Piprabbit - I think we may have had the same girl round for tea.

I wouldn't take my dd being called a bossy little madam as a complement, but it doesn't mean it is true.
Being assertive is a wonderful quality, but being bossy is a sure fire way of losing friends.

bigTillyMint · 21/09/2011 13:42

It'a not a compliment - I think coccyx summed it up well.

But if the neighbour said it with a smile/laugh, then she probably doesn't mind her. If she said it disapprovingly, tell your DD to keep out of her way

caughtinanet · 21/09/2011 13:42

Yes, "madam" and "handful" are both meant as negatives as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't be at all happy if my DD was called it, to me it would imply spoilt and demanding. Older people tend to have higher expectations of children so it wouldn't necessarily be something to worry about if your neighbour is elderly.

Tewkespeggy · 21/09/2011 13:47

i would take it in a negative way, but discuss it with your daughter and teach her how to react to it.

what would you tell her to do if someone called her stupid?

teach her to stand up for herself and if that means 'shes a madam' then so be it... better than being a complete pushover!

working9while5 · 21/09/2011 13:49

It's not oblique. It's brat said in a different way...

ForYourDreamsAreChina · 21/09/2011 14:38

I somehow doubt the OP's child is a "pushover" and shudder to think what they'll be calling her if the OP follows Tewkespeggy's advice.

Calling a child stupid and calling them badly behaved are very different things. One calls for the mother lioness and her cub reaction, one calls for a bit of honest soul searching about where things are going wrong in the behaviour department.

onefatcat · 21/09/2011 14:43

A little Madam is a little girl who always wants her own way! It is said in a jokey way, but isn't exactly a compliment.

jalopy · 21/09/2011 14:57

Madam? Not complimentary.

Insomnia11 · 21/09/2011 14:57

I'd agree with birdofparadise.

If some people equate being confident, chatty and friendly as a female with brattishness then so be it, OP. Their problem. I feel sorry for their daughters, and them.

seeker · 21/09/2011 15:02

"I think it means the same as when someone says my ds2 is "a handful"

I take it as a compliment...he is full of fun and laughter and brings joy to all around him."

working9while5 · 21/09/2011 15:12

Really? Are people that out of touch that they would consider their child being called a "madam" or a "handful" a compliment?

If your child is confident and cha

AMumInScotland · 21/09/2011 15:13

Even the girl's mum says she "can be a bit bossy at times". Bossy = little madam = brattish.

I don't see any evidence that the neighbour is commenting on the chatty/confident aspects of the girl, just on the admitted "can be bossy".

It's quite possible for girls to be chatty, confident, leaders, assertive, and a great many other things without being accused of being bossy.

onefatcat · 21/09/2011 15:19

Being chatty, friendly and confident is not the same as being a madam. A 'madam' is a child who is chatty, confident and also sulky, stroppy, demanding and in general not very nice.

MistyMountainHop · 21/09/2011 15:23

i wouldn't take it as a compliment

if i said it about someones DC i wouldn't say it to the parents face put it that way :o i would mean spoilt, bossy, bratty i'm afraid.

seeker · 21/09/2011 15:42

"handful" is teacher -speak for "pain in the neck". "madam" is granny- speak for "brat".

cory · 21/09/2011 16:33

a 'madam' is a child whose confident demeanour doesn't leave enough room for the confidence of other children

though the neighbour could, of course, be mistaken

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 21/09/2011 16:42

But it doesn't mean your dd is always a madam, just that sometimes she can be. And can't they all!

D niece was stamping her feet yelling and I called her a little madam, laughing.

She shouted "I not a little madam, I a BIG madam!"

She was correct tbh I use it with my dd as interchangable with her being a pain. Same thing to me.

madwomanintheattic · 21/09/2011 16:43

i love confident girls. i loathe bossy and overbearing selfish children that verge on bullying less confident children. it's unfortunate that 'madam' is gender-specific, if we're focusing on 'what would a feminist say', but the behaviour is unattractive regardless of the gender of the protagonist.

it's not a compliment. she needs to pipe down occasionally and listen to the other children/ adults, instead of demanding they follow her every command.

and i'd be saying the same to a boy. in fact, i do.

MrsVoltar · 21/09/2011 16:48

Think cory has it spot on. Madam means overconfident, pushing others out of the way, IMO.

MrsVoltar · 21/09/2011 16:51

I have used it before, similar to 'bossyboots' and didn't mean that i disliked the child I described that way.
In most cases, the parents are aware of these tendencies.
Karen in Outnumbered a great example.

caughtinanet · 21/09/2011 19:48

I don't class Karen in Outnumbered as a madam at all.

I think its denotes a girl who is much more opinionated, rude, bossy, selfish and generally unpleasant to be around. Luckily I haven't come across too many girls like that.

Yorky · 21/09/2011 20:00

I remember my Gran referring to me as a little madam reasonably often, it always felt as if I was being told off for something, especially as only female cousin was always 'princess'

LoveInAColdClimate · 21/09/2011 20:05

Sorry, I think it means bossy and spoiled.

Teachermumof3 · 21/09/2011 20:20

I definitely wouldn't use it as a compliment! I'd say it meant bossy, opinionated, defiant and rather stroppy.

Who called her a madam?

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