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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Do 7 year old boys have a big hormone surge or something? Please tell me it's so and that it doesn't last long..?

22 replies

DottyDot · 21/09/2011 10:55

Good grief! Ds2 is 7 and has changed in the last couple of months from a really happy, sunny boy to a little monster challenging child - shouting, answering back, bursting into tears at the slightest thing, hysterical screaming and crying... aaaarrggghhh.

This morning he came in first thing and asked if he could have a hamster. I said no and we had tears all morning, refusal to get dressed, have breakfast etc.

He's always been laid back, daft, silly, fun - where's he gone?!

Tell me it's just a testosterone surge or something before I sell him on ebay

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ShowOfHands · 21/09/2011 10:59

There is a hormone surge at 7. One at 4 too afaik but you've obviously survived that one!

If it's definitely not something else going on (all okay at school/home etc), I think it's quite normal. It's a weird inbetween age. Hopefully lots of people with experience can give you some ideas of how to manage it. My ds is only 17 days old and everything is solved with application of breast/milk/cuddles. I figure I've got months at best before this strategy fails.

MirandaWest · 21/09/2011 10:59

DS is 8 in November and generally nice although can have very intense rages that would be embarrassing for a 2 year old to have . I generally go by the mantra, "it's a stage" and things normally are.

Other possibility could be him being tired due to school etc - they've been back a few weeks and it is wearing. Or something at school that he's not totally happy about - is he in Year 3 or an old Year 2?

stealthsquiggle · 21/09/2011 11:08

it's a phase.

Well, I say that - DS is almost 9 and I wouldn't say it is gone, more that he has learned to deal with it better so we don't often have the toddler tantrums any more.

When DS is calm, can you sit down and talk to him about it? I came to the conclusion it was almost certainly hormonal after a chat with DS revealed that he was scared by how angry he felt and had no idea what he was really angry about. We worked on some coping mechanisms and it is more or less under control now.

Original poster

DottyDot · 21/09/2011 11:16

Thanks all - he's just started year 3 and has settled in really well - loves his teacher and has got lots of friends and stuff, so I don't think it's that - and it started probably at least a month (god maybe more - probably June/July) before that.

Yes, I'll try talking to him - don't know if he's noticed the change in himself to be honest, but yes, good idea to have a chat. He also used to be sooo cuddly and affectionate and I'm missing that .

Show Congratulations and if only life stayed that simple eh? Mind you, not sure I'd trade for the sleepless nights though - hope all's going well!

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2BoysTooLoud · 21/09/2011 11:35

My ds is 6 and chooses to have 2 year old tantrums on the stairs of our terraced house. God knows what the neighbours think.
Tends to be an after school over tired thing with him I think.
Lordy me- not looking forward to it getting worse at 7!

ShowOfHands · 21/09/2011 11:54

A friend's ds said exactly the same. He just felt angry and out of control but didn't know why. Knowing that it was normal reassured him and he also found that more sleep helped.

And, shh, but ds only wakes twice for food and I cosleep so he just latches on and I go back to sleep. DH does the nappy change when he's full and then puts him back. It's frighteningly easy. I paid my dues with dd who woke every 7 minutes till 3yo and wouldn't feed lying down.

Original poster

DottyDot · 21/09/2011 16:20

Show sounds wonderful and your photos are lovely too!

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Original poster

DottyDot · 21/09/2011 21:54

Bless him - he's had a night terror tonight. He doesn't get them often but they tend to happen when he's been stroppy/wound up.

Most definitely hormones - which will most definitely calm down soon.....

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WynkenBlynkenandNod · 21/09/2011 22:05

DS is like this, has been since May. He was 8 last week and is much stroppier than his friends, having been a very easy toddler. I do hope it passes soon, between him and DD with PMT, I could happily move out sometimes.

kalo12 · 21/09/2011 22:10

apparently they have something like ten times amount of testosterone (can't remember exact details - read it in 'raising boys' i think), that's why they are so in to super heroes etc. Could you get him a cape?

BOBNANNSMAM · 24/09/2011 17:05

pleassed i found this post, as it sound slike my son!! He was 8 last week and is a bigger handful than his sister who is 2 and he throws more paddys and for longer!!! pleased its not just us, i was nearly an article in our local paper "mother kills son" lol !!!

Original poster

DottyDot · 24/09/2011 19:03

This thread's been really useful for me - I did have chat with ds2 and he said the whole getting angry thing makes him feel really sad. So, we've introduced a code word - when I see him starting to get wound up, I say "Wig Wag" to him (his made up word ) and he tries to calm down.

We started it a couple of days ago and so far so good - seems to be working. Also, he takes himself off if he feels himself starting to get angry - another idea we talked about. And on the first day we talked about it I bribed him said he could have 20p if he got through the day without stropping . We have a 20p for being extra good/doing extra jobs system anyway, so I thought I might as well add in not behaving like a little sod.

Ah well - you have to try, eh?

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upthealdi · 28/09/2011 12:14

Gosh, DottyDot, you have described my ds (nearly 7) to a tee. He is having tantrums like this about 3-4 times a week. I am at the end of my tether.

He has now taken to yelling "Stop hurting me" at the top of his voice. He does this is we attempt to pick him up and put him in his room, or sometimes for the hell of it when we are on the other side of the room.

Today, after he refused to wash his face his dad did it for him. This ended with him yelling "Daddy hurt my bones" at top volume for about five minutes. We live next door to doctors and I am seriously worried they will think we are horrible cruel parents (we aren't - we have never smacked him)

He is beatifully behaved at school!

drogo · 28/09/2011 12:56

Thank god I'm not suffering alone. My 7 year old sounds just like this - fine at school, horrendous at home. Frightened by the strength of his anger (so are the rest of us) and actually just wants cuddles more than ever, if only he can admit it. I swing from thinking he needs psychiatric help, to thinking it's just a phase. I comfort myself thinking if he doesn't do it at school then it can't be something really wrong with his brain etc.
But I am exhausted by it. I am on my own and have 2 other children too, and we all need it to stop. The worst thing is seeing him so unhappy - I just want to make it better for him but don't know how.
I know this doesn't add anything helpful, but i just wanted to say that it's good to know you are not alone.

noisymonkiesmum · 29/09/2011 11:01

WOW, so glad I found this, my ds is 6.5 and is so bad we are all struggling with it. Major tantrums, crying for no reason, says we hurt him, says we hate him and are bad parents, cries for up to 2 hours with nothing to console him, also says he doesn't know why, also getting physical with rage.

Last night he screamed and raged for 2 hours before eventually crying himself to sleep at 9pm. We have 2 younger ones who just watch him like he's a lunatic! We have had thoughts that there is something wrong but he is also an angel at school, just lets rip at home. Have made appointment to see Homeopath but after reading this maybe it is just a "phase" although he has always been like it since 2yo, it's just getting worse the louder and stronger he gets! Good luck to others :)

Original poster

DottyDot · 02/10/2011 13:39

Well I was going to post an update to say that things have got better over the last week or so, but ds2 is currently right in the middle of the biggest tantrum ever....

The code word didn't work and he's upstairs screaming and crying - all because their Dad is coming round in half an hour and is taking them to a shopping centre to buy them some sports stuff. The horror.... . ds2 wants to go to a park - which they'll probably do as well, but right now it's the end of the world.

Sigh. Not sure when this all ends and we get our lovely rational children back, but I keep telling myself that ds1(9 nearly 10) isn't like this at all any more and is actually quite good company - two years to go then...

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GossipWitch · 03/10/2011 22:44

OK so they have a surge at 4 then 7 then when?, please tell me, ds1 is 9 and nearly as tall as me and hard work as it is.

Original poster

DottyDot · 04/10/2011 10:47

Hmm - well my ds1 is 9 nearly 10 and is just flipping wonderful - so hopefully that's it for aaaaages....

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GossipWitch · 04/10/2011 14:44

oh mines 9 and not :(

Original poster

DottyDot · 04/10/2011 15:33

Bizarrely, when one ds is being a real pain, the other kind of decides to be angel child - it's quite odd but at least we only have to deal with one little sod darling at a time. So ds1 is being wonderful - which will stop when ds2 calms down and then they'll swap again. Oh joy....

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user1495506241 · 23/05/2017 03:35

This advice is wonderful. I am going through this with 7yr old boy and loosing faith in my abilities! Exact same as others on this thread so feeling much better about it all and hope to help my little lad with some explanation to help him. He is a logical child and if he has reason might manage better which means I'll manage better!

user1495506241 · 23/05/2017 03:36

Also - will this phase pass soon?!?!?! All individual I guess but it would be good to know how much wine to order in!!!!!

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