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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

what do we think of little boys playing with toy guns?

54 replies

headfairy · 19/09/2011 11:40

I've always been very anti it. Dh won ds a prize at a fair we went to once and he let ds choose a gun which I was furious about, dh said I was being precious but ds spent the next few days pointing the gun at everyone "shooting" them saying he was going to kill them I "lost" the gun pretty soon after that.

Our nanny bought ds a few little bits for his dressing up box recently, he loves being policemen and firemen and she bought him a walkie talkie, a face mask and (it must have been part of a set) a gun that fires plastic darts that have sucker bits on the end (there's also a metal bit behind the plastic sucker which makes them pretty hard when fired at someone which he did all the time). He's only just four and I think they're inappropriate toys so I "lost" that gun too.

Am I being a bleeding heart liberal or are toy guns the root of all evil?

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Marne · 19/09/2011 11:44

We grew up with toy guns, spud guns and when we were old enough we had a small bb gun.

I'm now almost 30 years old and have never shot anyone .

My dd's don't have guns and have never asked for them (not even a wate pistol), i think now days there are far more toys to chose from and much more exciting toys to play with.

GooseyLoosey · 19/09/2011 11:54

I felt quite like you. However, there came a point when I had to give in to peer pressure. Ds can make a gun out of anything and that is what all of his peers do. He wants to fit in and I won't do anything to stop this. However, I did sit him down and explain exactly what shooting someone entailed and asked him why he thought that was fun. He still likes firing foam darts at his sister, but we have lost all the "bang, bang, you're dead" stuff that went with it.

ppeatfruit · 19/09/2011 11:56

As an ex C.M. nanny, mum of 3 and teacher IMO and E playing with toy guns(if they can't use toy guns they'll make them from sticks or their fingers are you going to loose those as well?) is a normal part of male and some female development. Anything that is banned or 'lost' only adds to the glamour.

DS3 wanted a toy gun at age 2 and with reservations i bought him one, he played with it for a while and now he is the most peace loving young man you could wish to meet. As long as they are bought up in a loving, caring family it's not a problem. I always remember one of his friends was not allowed guns but was hit for minor misdemeanours; talk about mixed messages!

aliceliddell · 19/09/2011 11:57

Gender stereotyping of kids has got really bad; it's not just 'pink stinks', it's the 'boys' stuff being all about violence or risk taking eg speed (car not drug) and all black, red, orange, camouflage. Sorry for dinosaur tendencies, but I am a feminist! I do think that toys are educational - we need to decide if that education is in the right direction.

chocolateyclur · 19/09/2011 11:57

I hate it. It makes me uncomfortable.

Star Wars and TinTin now mean my DS is obsessed, and makes them out of duplo, out of his fingers...argh.

hmc · 19/09/2011 11:58

All his peers will be playing with toy guns so you are fighting a loosing battle (a strangely appropriate saying in the circumstances!) - I'd give it up as a bad job and let him get on with it. Playing with toy guns will not turn him into a violent, aggressive person if he has the appropriate pacifistic, love your neighbours values instilled into him at home. He will merely see the gun playing as fantasy and not something to aspire to

Fillybuster · 19/09/2011 12:01

I feel like you and have held out against. DS is now 6 and in yr2 and knows he isn't allowed a toy gun of any description (apart from an impressive collection of water pistols in the garden). He is definitely not alone, and he has barely challenged it....we've been totally open with him about why we don't think he should play with guns and he's taken it on board. He's got a fair number of swords and daggers though :)

LadyMary · 19/09/2011 12:05

I dont like toy guns and neither my DS or DD have them at home.

coffeeaddict · 19/09/2011 12:16

If it's not guns it will be wands a la Harry Potter. I don't believe little boys are being violent per se. They are playing a game. 'Bang bang you're dead' means 'I've scored a point'. Shooting toy guns isn't about killing IMHO. It's about aim. It's about quick reactions. I think it is totally different to charge round a house with a Nerf gun than, for example, to play a graphic violent computer game (which I do hate).

I think for adult to impose their own 'violent' constructs on it can actually be a bit damaging, just as it is if you sexualise an innocent exploring game and tell children they are doing bad things. Maybe we should ban stunt remote control cars, as this might breed a generation of dangerous drivers...?! Or sit down first and talk grimly about the highway code and road traffic deaths..?!

Btw in our house, the girls are shit-hot at Nerf firing, not just the boys :)

ppeatfruit · 19/09/2011 12:18

As far as i can tell DCs have played with weapon\ like toys (swords etc. as fillybuster says, water pistols are still toy guns !) ever since time began there's no reason to get in a lather about it.

TrillianAstra · 19/09/2011 12:22

Do "we" think different things about little boys playing with toy guns and little girls playing with toy guns?

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 19/09/2011 12:24

I really dislike it. IMO guns are not toys, but I know to some that makes me a killjoy. However, a mum of a boy many years older than mine made a great point. You don't have to give them toy guns, eventually they'll just make them out of Duplo anyway

BedHog · 19/09/2011 12:29

I had to try very hard not to punch bellow at a young boy playing with a toy gun in the park when he pretended to shoot my baby son point blank in the head. How can that be considered appropriate play in anybody's opinion? It really upset me.

To me, childhood play is about learning, exploring and practicing various aspects of adulthood. I know some adults will use guns (soldiers, armed police etc) but most won't, and to encourage playing with them at an early age is inappropriate. It's a bit like giving your child a dildo or a bong to play with - some adults will use them, but children don't need to know about them.

mmmerangue · 19/09/2011 12:36

My parents refused my little brother guns when he was little, and as my dad (now proud grandad) so frequently tells me now the first stick my brother found in the park would instantly become a gun or bow & arrows (are they better? huntergatherer instincts & all that?). Let him have his fun. If it irks you that it is a violent game, make sure you talk to him about the difference between playing and real life. "Cops & robbers is fun, but in reality, only very bad people get shot by the police etc etc..."

Fillybuster · 19/09/2011 12:40

Trillian - I don't, anyway 1 boy, 2 girls in the house, no guns for anyone. FWIW, fighting with swords is different (imo) from 'shooting' people dead. And I don't allow that with anything...DD1 (3.7) was banned from her imaginary gun when she came from from pre-school shooting with her fingers last week. Its simply not on.

I don't agree that firing water at each other in the garden is the same thing, it just isnt.

IMO, of course

Woodlands · 19/09/2011 12:46

The rule when I was growing up (though I didn't have any brothers and was never particularly into guns) was that I could play with toy guns, but pointing any kind of gun at anyone else directly was forbidden. Members of my family shoot for sport and the rule there is "Never, ever let your gun/pointed be at anyone", and that rule went for toy guns, too. I would imagine I'll have the same rule for my DS.

mmmerangue · 19/09/2011 13:00

That sounds like a very good tip Woodlands. My little man is only wee but i'm sure with my bigger Man's obsession with FPS video games (not that he plays them in front of the baby), little one will want to play guns sooner or later.

Should a 4yo playing developmentally, not allowed guns; when asked what they want to do when they grow up be forbidden to answer soldier, cowboy, policeman etc? I'd like to be an accountant mum. Numbers are nice and safe, although 11 is a bit pointy...

somewherewest · 19/09/2011 13:01

I had a cowboy hat and a toy gun as a little girl and used to run around 'shooting' people (my family were very lax on TV...I grew up on a steady diet of cop shows and westerns from age zero and have entirely happy memories of doing so ). I had no idea what I was doing and wasn't at all violent. At a certain age I just grew out of it..no harm done. I wouldn't encourage DCs to do it, but I'm not sure I would go out of my way to stop them either.

welliesandpyjamas · 19/09/2011 13:08

I can echo Woodlands' post. Guns are allowed but not ever ever to be pointed at people. Shooting for sport also in our family so maybe there's a link there...maybe a clearer respect for gun safety? Actually, my ds1 aged 8 has recently target shooting with his dad at a club and it has already made him even bossier firmer about making sure his 2 yr old brother doesn't point at people (and done wonders for his concentration!).

gegs73 · 19/09/2011 13:11

I think they - boys and girls as well if they are so inclined - make guns out of anything they can get their hands on, and indeed their hands if they want to play those kinds of games. I don't see the harm as long as they don't fire anything which could actually hurt someone. I very much doubt there is any link between playing with guns as a child and then violently shooting someone as a grown up.

I also don't see the logic of giving a child swords if you are anti toy guns. Surely young men in this country are more likely to stab than shoot someone.

addressbook · 19/09/2011 13:12

absolutely coffeeaddict

didldidi · 19/09/2011 13:15

totally agree gregs - guns aren't toys but toys aren't guns either.

LaWeasel · 19/09/2011 13:16

I grew up with guns so I don't mind them at all, BUT because I grew up with guns I am also one of those people that is hugely strict about proper use. So any kind of firing (cap/potato type) gun must never ever be pointed at another person.

These are the rules I grew up with.

fivegomadindorset · 19/09/2011 13:18

As with LaWeasel, we have rifles and shotguns in the house, both DD and DS will make anything inot a gun but are taught the rules.

Nagoo · 19/09/2011 13:18

guns and wands is a non-contact sport. In practical terms less dangerous than swords or lightsabres.

My DS likes 'battles'.

I have not bought him any gun toys (aside from water pistols) but, like the others have said he makes them.

I didn't give him any words for violent acts, so he uses 'bouffing' or similar invented terms.

You can't stop it, but equally you don't need to encourage it. He knows if he uses any toy to hit anyone, or 'threatens' then it will go on a high shelf for a long time. With lightsabres he knows that if it hits anyone, it is going in the bin. He's had some for 18 months and no one has been whacked with it yet.

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