Has there ever been anyone in the history of Mumsnet who has managed to turn around their lazy, underachieving, unenthusiastic DS (or DD)???

[fartmeistergeneral]

Mine:

12 yo
starting to do badly at school after having been in all the top sets up to now
not interested in any sport
says he likes music, plays 2 instruments - never practices, never listens to music
says he likes art but puts no effort into any homework or stuff he does at home (i.e. not school stuff)
always been a fussy eater, now has no enthusiasm for eating, picks at anything I put down in front of him - even 'easy' dishes that he used to like such as baked potato or cheese on toast
room a complete tip
no enthusiasm or zest for life at all

Apart from all that, he can be funny and witty - doesn't seem 'depressed' or anything. Sure probably just normal pre-teen but it's wearing me down!!! Me and his dad are both energetic people - this is so alien to us!

maybe because u and hsi dad are so energetic so this is him expressing his control/opinions etc..

would be slightly concerned at eating / and also maybe school - is there def nothing going on in school?

I don't think so, but doesn't seem distressed or anything. Tonight we had chicken and he couldn't eat it, said he couldn't chew and swallow it. My dh went mad at him - another failed dinner.

My dh asked him to practice one of his instruments because he has a competition coming up, ds1 shouted and cried!!! Then dh said, look, do you really not want to do this (remained very calm) and ds1 said yes - but he just cannot be arsed with all the hard work, e.g. practice. Am losing the will.

When I was his age I LOVED music - that was the beginning of being into bands, putting posters up, constantly listening to the radio etc. I think my worry (or one of them) is that he has no passion for ANYTHING.

Another thing is that he wakes up most nights in the middle of the night, can't get back to sleep, often comes in and wakes me to tell me that - I tell him I can't do anything to help at 3am or whatever and he goes back to bed and reads til he falls asleep. That can't be normal, is it??

He maybe showing signs of clinical depression: lack of appetite, lack of interest in hobbies, insomnia. The first year of Secondary school can be overwhelming for some kids I'd be inclined to discuss it with my GP ASAP

Does he have any friends who can chivvy him along a bit?

I don't think his friends would be interested in chivvying him along - I just don't think 12/13 year olds think that way. I don't know much about their eating/sleeping habits, but in terms of their sloth-like status, they're all pretty much of a muchness. However, his best friend is doing very well at school (they were pretty equal in primary school) but that doesn't seem to bother ds1 at all.

Have now made a plan for each day of the week (with days off) to do school work, even if there's no homework, and music practice. It's not too brutal, but hopefully will give him a bit of focus. Have cleared all biscuits/cereal bars/crisps etc so that he only eats meals and fruit. Not that he totally gorged on these things, but if he had a biccie mid afternoon, sure that tides him over til the next day.

I know what you mean about depression, written down it looks like a classic case with the no appetite, up in the night and not much interest in hobbies etc. But I don't want to be too alarmist, it could just be hormonal teenager syndrome.

Sounds quite a lot like my DS1 who is also 12. But he has been "different" for some time and is awaiting an assessment with an ed psyc. Not suggesting your DS needs that, more that if the behaviour is new rather than long established it's probably hormones or feeling a bit unsettled.I know how frustrating it can be though trying to drum up more than a grunt in response to anything.