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I am going to pack DS (6) bedroom up and put it in the loft this weekend. Anyone got a better idea?

63 replies

NotSoRampantRabbit · 08/09/2011 15:22

DS has never been good with scary films/TV programmes and for that reason we don't watch any. He has occasionally seen bits of scary films at friend's houses and therefore knows he doesn't like them.

Recently he asked if we could watch the first Harry Potter film, and after a long chat about it I agreed (like an idiot!). We watched it together and he enjoyed it a lot, but not the bits with Voldemort in. After the film, predictably, he refused to sleep in own bed. This was 4 weeks ago and he simply will not go to sleep in his own room, or if he does he will wake in the night and come into us and we all end up bed hopping so that he doesn't start screaming and wake up DD.

I am sure that initially he was genuinely scared. We have always been happy to sit with him while he falls asleep but this hasn't been enough this time. I now think that this is simply about getting his own way and controlling bedtime. I really don't think he is that scared anymore. I have seen him grinning as soon as he gets his own way etc.

So we are at wits end and there is far too much losing of tempers going on. I have started a sticker chart with the reward being tickets to football (he is obsessed), but so far he only has 1/10 stickers and he got that because friend was having sleepover. We have done a lot of talking and reasoning but he simply refuses to even try.

This morning, after a horrendous bedtime and bed-hopping at 4am I told him that, since he doesn't use his bedroom I would give it to DD, turn her room into a study, and he could sleep in our room on blow-up mattress. He can chose one small box of toys and books to take with him. The rest will go in the loft.

Feel as though I am losing already scant marbles.

What would you do????!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Hulababy · 08/09/2011 20:14

I think you need to get firm and do a form of controlled crying with him. It's for his own good in the long run.

I know your DD is an issue due to her not sleeping but I do think it has got to the stage where you have to have it all out with him. Can your DD sleep downstairs for the early evening stages for a few days?

I think he needs to go bed, settle down, sorry and then leave.
He will cry and scream. He may get out of bed.
Rapid retun to bed every time.
No excuses with him, just remind him that it is his bed/bedroom, there is nothing scary in there and it is a safe place for him to be, it is bedtime and he is to stay in bed.
If possible wait it out for 5 minutes before going in and then gently reassure him.

All night if necessary.

It will be really hard for all of you, probably a nightmare for all of you tbh. But he will get the message and hopefuly within 2 or 3 days he should have learnt that he has to sleep in his own bed.

Hulababy · 08/09/2011 20:17

Oh, and during the day - away from bedtime - discuss what will happen in advance, idally sat in his room at the time.

Ask him what he finds scary in his room. If appropriate change or remove that thing.

Ask him if there is anything that will help him feel safer in hsi room - a teddy, picture of you under his pillow, your pillow from your bed, etc. And if possible sort that befrehand too.

Beaurevage · 08/09/2011 20:17

Do you have family that live close that your DD would enjoy staying with for the weekend? If so, you could ship her off for a fun sleepover then batten down the hatches for a few nights of screaming while you deny letting your DS into your bed.

solidgoldbrass · 08/09/2011 20:18

I think you need to stop piling punishment on punishment and threat on threat. That's not working and it's not going to work either. Hulababy's advice seems pretty sound to me.

Georgimama · 08/09/2011 20:29

He is calling your bluff. He thinks he knows you won't follow through with the threatened bedroom swap (and tbh I think it's pretty much a non starter and is going to cause you inconvenience for no apparent benefit).

I wish I had some fab answer as we have a similar issue with DS (aged 4). He goes down well for bed, better than your son by the sound of it, but almost always ends up coming in with us by about 3am. With 6 week old DD now in the picture and night feeds this is far from ideal. We started a reward chart which worked beautifully when the reward up for grabs was some lego he really really wanted. We have tried to continue it but whatever reward we suggest, when it comes to 3am he would rather get in our bed than earn the reward. I may try cold hard cash followed by a trip to toy shop every Saturday if he was saved enough.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 08/09/2011 20:32

Am sobbing.

You are right - need to just deal with the screaming.

Find it so hard not to lose temper.

We live in a bungalow so moving DD not an option. Could ask MIL to have her for a night possibly.

Feel like a truly shit mum for giving in and losing temper. The worst of all worlds frankly.

Fuck fuck fuck

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NotSoRampantRabbit · 08/09/2011 20:34

This has been going on for a month. Since stupid film.

Prior to that he was a fantastic sleeper. Happy to go to bed and slept for 12 hours straight through.

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Hulababy · 08/09/2011 20:37

The fact that he was previously a good sleep is a positive. he has done it before and he can do it again. And probaby in less time than you think.

Maybe see if DD can sleep elsewhere the first night. After that you may have to risk having DD's night disturbed for a couple of night. At the moment your DS thinks you will give in to stop him making a noise. He needs to know that this isn't the case.

I would stop all the threats for now and focus purely on what is happening at night. He has to know that there is no choice - it is his room and he is to sleep there.

I would still have rewards though but they must be something he really really wants.

How old is DD?

Georgimama · 08/09/2011 20:39

Where is he now? Still screaming? If so tell him you/DH are leaving the room and he must calm down and go to sleep. You will come and check on him in three minutes (and do so, to the second) but he has to calm down and try to go to sleep.

I used to have to sit with DS (it only progressed to sitting with when I was pregnant, before that I had to lie down on his bed and cuddle him to sleep) but he will now go to sleep on his own after I have left the room.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 08/09/2011 20:40

DD is 2. She is good sleeper and if she has gone to sleep will prob tolerate some hollering before waking up.

Can't believe we are back to cc at 6 years old!

I know you are right hula. Thanks for saying it like it is.

Need to remain calm and deal with it. Will see if MIL or good mate down the road will have DD tomorrow night.

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Hulababy · 08/09/2011 20:41

Also - does he know the ending of the final HP book/film? Does he know that Lord V is dead and gone, that HP defeated him? And also that the HP film was set before he was born, and that HP is now a grown up with his old children. And that Lord V can't come back.

I know it is all fictional, but if he is genuinely scared of it maybe knowing the ending of it all might help a little bit.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 08/09/2011 20:42

He is asleep. In our bed. DH sat with him until he was asleep. DH going out now so effectively this has prevented DH and I from having any conversation at all this eve...

It's got to stop.

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Georgimama · 08/09/2011 20:42

Start of term may also not be helping. DS is enjoying school but he is knackered and going to bed over tired really, his little mind racing.

Hulababy · 08/09/2011 20:43

And good luck - and give youself a break too. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it, for all of you!

Invest in chocolate for you :)

Georgimama · 08/09/2011 20:43

Now he is sleepy I would be tempted to lift him and put him in his own bed. But I appreciate he is 6 and probably much bigger than my DS.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 08/09/2011 20:45

Have talked alot about the film and how Voldemort is a complete wuss who gets his ass whooped by a 10 year old boy. But no have not talked about the whole series and the ending etc. Perhaps could try that tomorrow before we tackle bedtime.

Friend at work suggested that when he is thinking of Voldemort he should picture him having a poo. That made DS cackle, but he is not able to actually do it. He says he can only think about Voldemort battling.

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NotSoRampantRabbit · 08/09/2011 20:58

Thanks all for words of sanity. There are some parenting situations where I just feel like I'm falling down a big rabbit hole. This one pretty bad.

Will update.

Then we can start on his food issues!!!!

Have not drunk all week. Tomorrow eve may require some wine.

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Beaurevage · 09/09/2011 12:49

How did the night go? What's the plan for the weekend?

Hulababy · 09/09/2011 13:50

How was he last night?

NotSoRampantRabbit · 09/09/2011 14:10

He slept straight through last night because he was in my bed.

This morning we had a quiet talk and I told him that I was sorry for losing temper, that I won't take his bedroom away (!) but that he will sleep in his own bed from now on. I asked him if he wanted anything in his room to help him feel safe and he asked for:

A photo of me and DH on honeymoon (sob - the little peach).
A picture of Dumbledore (because he can always win mummy).

DH is printing off the Dumbledore at work and I am off to sort out his room in a mo before school pick up.

We are going to do rapid return/cc if necessary.

And wine.

Fingers crossed is not as bad as I anticipate.

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NotSoRampantRabbit · 09/09/2011 20:03

DH in there settling him after story. No screaming yet but DH not tried to leave.

Pictures of DH and I looking fresh-faced, before the ravages of parenthood set in, and Albus Dumbledore by bed...

Glass of wine in hand...

Wish us luck - we are determined (at the stage)!

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NotSoRampantRabbit · 09/09/2011 20:16

Well great. DH ignored all instructions and stayed with him til he fell asleep. So we have delayed the battle til the early hours of the morning or tomorrow night. Am a bit cross.

At least he went to sleep in own bed without big tantrum/wind-up. Is part of the battle I suppose...

Grrrr.

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Georgimama · 09/09/2011 20:36

Poor Rabbit. Drink wine. It helps. I have some.

Georgimama · 09/09/2011 20:38

And don't let anyone tell him Snape kills Dumbledore.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 09/09/2011 21:47

No, quite Georgi. He has already said that he is safe while Dumbledore is around - eek. However, since this ridiculous debacle I have told him that he will not watch/read any Harry Potter until he is at least 18 years old. By then I am hoping he can sleep without picture of Dumbledore.

Isn't wine marvellous!

Thanks for support
x

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