I have one of those very demanding 4 year old boys some others have posted about recently. His behaviour is similar - naughty, shouty, sometimes aggressive, but within normal bounds. I would say he is bright and behaves fairly well at pre-school (he's about to start big school).
My problem is that I am not happy with how I am dealing with our constant power battles. He drives me up the wall and I shout far too often and too easily. He is naturally fairly grumpy and disinclined to be moved by distraction or tactics like "let's have a race to clear up". He can see trough manipulation pretty easily. Our daily battles are about things like dressing, eating, getting ready to go out - literally anything where he has to do what I ask.
I have managed to tackle some behaviour by strong discipline and focus - he was headbutting when angry until recently. That phase lasted about 2 months. He often hits or kicks me and his dad when angry. He often ends up shouting and screams when told to do something he doesn't want to and I haven't managed to stop that. I have tackled some daily battles with a reward chart, e.g. getting dressed and undressed and get temporary good results.
What happens typically is, he does something naughty, e.g. throwing something. I tell him to stop. He does it again. I say if he does it again he will go to the naughty step for 4 mins. He does it again. I send him to the ns. He shouts and screams and wants to argue. I listen briefly to his argument and say no, he has to go. I count to 3 and take him if he doesn't go. He stays there but shouts and screams. I go and tell him he will stay there for twice as long if he doesn't stop (usually he does stop at this point). If he continues after that he is sent to the naughty chair in his room. He stops shouting but is practically hysterical by this stage. OR he kicks and hits as I take him to the ns or nc, I escalate, shout, still ends in hysteria.
OR other typical example, he has to put his shoes on to go out. He runs away. I get him to come back but he jumps around or hits or something. Repeat. I shout. I end up taking him to car with no shoes on, furious.
He is starting school soon and I know that tiredness will make his behaviour worse. I get to the end of the day stressed out, fed up and angry. I want to get the balance right between easing up because he will be tired and stressed from school and trying to keep the discipline going. And, as I said, I need to stop shouting but I don't know how.
Thanks