excessive phobias in toddlers and obsessive cleaning

[lewislewis]

Does anybody think there is a correlation between excessive phobias in toddlers and obsessive cleaning and hatred of messiness on the parts of the parents? I read there is a correlation between faddy eating and obsessive cleaning.... My friend's ds is afraid of a lot of things (spiders, ballons, new places, and many more..) the parents are constantly wiping him, tell him off about playing with mud, they hate dirt and cannot abide mess. Do you think there is a link?

Yep. DD cant abide food on her fingers. Probs my fault. Have always insisted she wipes her fingers straight away when she has food on them!
Am also a compulsive cleaner since DD has got older. She makes more mess now, hence more cleaning!

Thanks for replying looneylaura: can I ask if your dd has more phobias than the average toddler?

She's scared of spiders (as I am)
She doesnt like the thought of people being able to get in the house
She's has developed is big dislike to going to sleep without a night light

I dont mind her getting dirty as such, just wont let her roll around the furniture when she is!

These seem normal fears for a toddler. My friend's dd has a lot of fears, we are trying to find ways of helping her, and her parents being more relaxed about mess I thought might help.

Not sure if there is a link. My chidlren have no phobias and live in a messy and probably dirty at the moment environment though.

You prob have seen house of tiny tways. I've noticed the eating problems on there often stem from over anxcious parents and efforts to keep toddler spotless - Tanya always sets up messy play activities to de-sensitise them not always involving food. Don't know if this helps - its something I have thought about becasue I know i am increadibly fussy about things being lined up (but not to the point where I wud call it a dosorder) as i am expecting my first baby soon. MYDH often jokes about this but watching the house has made me aware of how a parents habits can affect behaviours even subtle/subconcious ones.

My toddler has no phobias, we live in a sty because i hate cleaning, and genuinely don't notice mess. I have to tread on it/smell it/trip over it to notice it

DS is 20mo, he's one of the cleanest children I know (can wear a white top all day with no problems) - he minds if he has food round his mouth (will lick his lips but doesn't like it if I wipe his mouth, so I often don't!) and has always picked up bits off the floor at other people's houses and given them to me to dispose of (v embarrassing, especially as he now says "Bits, bits" as he's giving them to me ).

BUT we live in a DIYers paradise, I'm not religious about cleaning (far from it!) and he's always been allowed to get as messy as he likes - he just doesn't like.

So I think there can be a link, but not always. DS hasn't developed any particular phobias (yet!) so will be interesting to see.

I noticed that ds was getting paranoid about getting dirty and that I had a habit of wiping his mouth and hands a lot while he ate. Have really tried to stop this unless he is quite messy and we have actually "taught" him to wipe his hands on his clothes occasionally. I just hated to think I was raising someone to be some kind of warped clean freak. It seems to have subsided quite a bit now that I am conscious of what I am doing.

lewis, how old is your friends' ds? I would have thought this sudden phobia thing is developmental - ie something like spiders a baby would have found fascinating becomes terrifying to the same child when they become toddlers around 2, the time when their imgaination takes off. Also a previously mucky baby becomes suddenly aware of mess and wanting to wipe hands etc.

I don't know whether there is a link between extreme phobias and obessive cleanliness on the part of parents. My dd's cousin (2.5 years) is like hunker's ds whose clothes are immaculate the whole day and books are not torn and never loses small parts. - how I wish that for dd! She has a particular phobia of water but apart from that, nothing out of the ordinary for a toddler. Her father is a neatfreak so I thought it was genes, rather than upbringing. I would have thought personality plays a big part

Kids have no problems painting with poop, trying to climb out of windows, touching 'hot' things, eating insects and doing alot of the other things that we as adults find disgusting or frightening.
They learn fear, dislike and disgust mostly from parents but also from their own experiances.
It's no big leap imo to attribute certain excessive phobia's to the parents (or other adults playing a large part in a childs life). However I don't think that all phobia's no matter how obsessive are down to parents. For example my dd1 has had an obsessive hatred of all loud noises from being a baby. Me and dh can't find any rational explaination for it.

Sorry for the double post just realised i posted without finishing what i was saying, my fault I got distracted by a slice of cake that dh had.

The point was that niether me or dh have issues over noise being too loud so we can't see where she gets it from. My dh has partial deafness so our household is probably a bit louder (not excessively) than most so that he can hear things like tv shows that are unsubtitled, music ect.
This phobia causes nightmare problems in public places where she will start shouting 'it's too loud, shutup, shutup, shutup' and then reduce into a crying wreck.

sorry, haven't had time to read all posts, but mine are both uber phobic and i am definitely not of the zealous cleaning kind....personally I think it's genetic. [hand-washing of responsibility emoticon].