Think this might be a long one so apologies, just really have run out of ideas...I always wanted to be a really nice mum, you know, firm but fair etc. I grew up in a house that was a bit angry and never wanted my kids to be in an environment where they were shouted at for the slightest thing. Now I've turned into an angry nag. Going to give 3 examples of where I'm going wrong and really hope someone has some insights (DDs are 4.3 and 2.10. DD1 started school yesterday (all really positive)...
We had popped to the school during the holidays for some admin stuff, and were going to go to the toddler group (for bigger kids too) nearby afterwards. When we were done I said we needed to go to toddlers. They ignored me and ran round the back of the building and started playing on some play bits there. They were having a nice time playing, but I wanted us to go. I told them we needed to go and they totally ignored me. Then caught DD1, got down to her level and said 'we need to go now, you've been a really good girl this morning, be a good girl and come with me now etc'. She ran off again. I can't just carry them both as they're too heavy, so I grabbed DD1 and carried her really uncomfortably (which I hate myself for as I kind of want it to hurt her a bit so she sees how awkward she's being). She cried out and I said I'd put her down if she walked nicely which she finally did. DD2 pretty much followed us (she's a bit more of a sheep if I can get the bigger one). We got to the car and I really roughly put DD1 in her seat, did it up really tight, and slammed the door which she hates. Was gentler with DD2. then I got in the car, cried and had a go at them. They both looked really sad, but it won't stop them doing it next time.
The thing is, I know they were having a nice time, but I'm the mum and if it's time for us to go we have to go. when there's no time pressure I try to be relaxed about what they do, but I just want them to listen to me. If there had been anyone else there I'd have been really embarrassed at how they ignore me.
The second example is when they're scooting by the road. We live in a small village and the route to school/preschool involves quite a lot of getting on and off the pavement and strips of road with no pavement, and crossing a fairly busy road. DD1 is pretty sensible but I feel like I have to constantly nag DD2 as I'm terrified if I don't keep reminding her to stop at the kerb/stay away from the edge of the road etc then she'll get run over (this is obvs very unlikely but if I don't keep telling her to wait she goes too far ahead). I want them both to scoot as they're pretty good at it, they need to learn to negotiate the journey and it's quicker than walking (I have to do the trip a few times a day).
Finally, DD1 was in the shower the other day (which she loves). I told her she had 2 mins, then one minute, then it was time to get out and could she point the shower away from the door (so I could open it). Because she was having a nice time she wouldn't stop spraying the water and I couldn't open the door. I snapped at her to 'get out of the shower now' and got her. (Incidentally, a friend was there who was quite shocked at how I got cross with her so quickly). The problem is I'm all for her having a nice time in the shower, but when I say it's time to get out I want her to listen. Especially if I've given her a countdown, if I then don't stick to it then it feels like a slippery slope.
I know the kind of mum I want to be, which is one that lets their kids play and have a nice time, then says it's time to go (with a countdown or whatever), and her kids come. The thing is I don't see how I can be that kind of mum with my children:(