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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Does anyone else have a 2/3 year old who answers back like a teenager?!

39 replies

therewasalittlegirl · 29/08/2011 19:55

I am at my wit's end!

How am I supposed to tell him the consequences of his behaviour when he refuses to listen/screams back at me/argues/disagrees.....?!

For example, getting him ready for bed tonight (and on many other occasions!), I am chasing him around the lounge to get his pyjamas on, him shouting 'no, I don't want my pyjamas on!!' me saying 'well if you don't put them on...' him (without letting me finish) 'ARRGH NO, I don't want them on!!' me 'Well you are putting them on, come here!' him (over the top of me) 'NO, I won't put them on!' And this goes on and on, me trying to tell him the consequences of him doing/not doing something and him shouting over the top of me that he WILL do it or he WON'T do it! In the end I give up trying to speak to him, and just pick him up and pretty much fight with him to get his pyjamas on with him kicking and screaming!

I then just do whatever the consequence is (e.g. no bed time story if he doesn't get ready for bed) which then causes the biggest paddy ever and him not going to bed! The thing is, had he known that the consequence of him not getting ready when I asked him to, would be that he didn't get a story, he would have got ready for bed straight away! But because he does not listen and shouts over the top of me, he doesn't hear the consequence, and, oh I'm exhausted just typing this, and so it goes on and on and on...

Sorry for the ramble, very tired and frustrated Mummy. Help! What am I to do?!

OP posts:

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Original poster

therewasalittlegirl · 29/08/2011 23:29

Lots of praise and encouragement - check
Engaging games and conversations -check
I speak in a very firm voice - check
Explain things simply to him - check (when he's listening!)
Explain house rules and boundarys to him - (he knows the score)
Use of time out and be consistent with it - Not sure how this works with a very persistent and wilful toddler
Removal of favourite toys for 30 minutes - check
Sulkers corner - if he sulks, he gets told to go to the sulkers corner and when he stops he can come back and join in with whatever game we are playing.- Is this the same as 'time out'?

Thanks for your advice. To be fair, I'm aware that DS 'plays up' for me. Maybe because I was off work with him for a long time, and have only recently gone back to. Nevertheless, I think it's perhaps easy to say all that when you can hand them back to Mummy at the end of the day :)

And as for my DarlingS, he is a little gem the majority of the time. Just a very energetic, intense, sensitive, intelligent, and as I've said persistent and wilful little boy. He knows what he wants and he knows how to get it. He has been like this since he was born! And as much of a handful he is, I wouldn't change him for the world :)

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/08/2011 23:35

Ah, the having recently gone back to work will certainly being adding to his behaviour, and just when you don't need it! He'll settle down, I think you're doing pretty much evrything you can.

Glad you had a relaxing bath and . :)

Original poster

therewasalittlegirl · 29/08/2011 23:41

Thanks again Lady :)

Good night all.

OP posts:

mumfromspace · 30/08/2011 22:51

I often say my 3 year old son acts like a stroppy teenager, the attitude he gives me sometimes is unbelievable. I get rolling eyes, sighing, "No," in a really stroppy way and often when I'm talking to him about it he hums or makes clicking noises. Little sod! x

Arion · 31/08/2011 00:23

DD is 4 in October and I get "it's not faiiiiiir", sulky face, stomps off upstairs! She would slam doors as well but she's too scared of my wroth (worried about little fingers and cat's tails getting caught!)

Why oh why will she only do something when I get cross and bellow NOW at her? And the constant why's - her: can I have a drink? Me: yes of course, her: why? Me: aaaaaargh!

TheLadyEvenstar · 31/08/2011 01:32

I asked DS2 to pick his toy cars up earlier (he is 3.11yrs) he replied

"For gods sake can't you seen there has been a saster (disaster) and there are people everywhere"

I can cope with the sentence except the FOR GODS SAKE which is generally followed by "Oh My Days" or "You are having a laugh aren't you" want to swap?

olibeansmummy · 31/08/2011 11:07

Lol my ds I'd exactly like this, i get 'no way my real name whenever I ask him to do anything,' alriiiiiight', 'leave it alone', sigh sake! ( used to be uck sake after I said it ONCE while driving but thankfully he's shortened it to sake lol) etc etc

Ds is also an angel for absolutely everyone but me grrrrr!

olibeansmummy · 31/08/2011 11:07

Oh.. I didn't expect those words to cone out bold!

Lucy88 · 01/09/2011 09:54

Oldladyknosnothing and thesecondcomng - appreciate what you are sying, but this is not always true. My sisters DS behaves like this for everyone - his childminder, Grandad etc. Its only me he behaves with, as I am very very firm with him.

As soon as Grandad comes to our house to pick him up, he starts playng up and I have to step in. I have had phone calls from my Dad to ask me to go to their house to deal with him and the number of times I have seen his childminder wanting to pull her hair out at his behaviour!

In this instance it is not just about his behaviour at home with my sister, he is like that with everyone except me.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/09/2011 09:57

I have one. Smart mouth, answer for everything, gain saying everything that I say. Drives me crazy.

SurprisEs · 02/09/2011 21:32

My 2 year old started answering back at about 22 months. I remember the exact time. Told her she must not jump on the bed, she replied with "I need practice". From that day I knew I had a mini teenager in my hands.

"Not fair", "That's not nice", "I need it" and all sorts of other replies are regular.

I reprimend her and make sure I set boundaries but I recognise this as a stage of development. I'm not worried at all as generally she is kind and well mannered. She just happens to have a strong character.

Don't panic, keep cool (I don't always,lol) and have fun with him.

messalina · 02/09/2011 21:43

I have a 3 year old DD. Often feel like I am dealing with a 13 year old.

sarahfreck · 02/09/2011 21:45

Have you tried the "In 5 minutes it will be time to get pyjamas on. " warning. You could follow it by "If you don't put them on then straight away there will be no story." It might mean you can get your warning of consequences in before he starts to shout. Also agree with those who've said not to chase or shout back, but to walk away. Otherwise it can become too much of a game. Once he has stopped shouting you can reiterate the "no story" consequence.

SurprisEs · 02/09/2011 22:03

I agree with the walking away thing. It's way more fun to see a frustrated mum running after you then a calm mum walking off and ignoring you. The fun will be over. Try and encourage him to dress himself( if you're not doing it already), maybe he just wants a bit more independence.

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