My DS does a lot of hitting - this week his childminder has thrown in the towel because she cannot cope with it. (more on this later).
He hits several times a day seemingly for a variety of reasons: tantruming & frustration when he is stopped for doing something he wants to do (fiddle with tumble dryer) or when he has to do something he doesn't (nappy change).
Sometimes in interaction with other children - will head over and give open handed slap, he's big and tall for his age and strong with it so if he slaps a adult on the leg like that, it's not such a biggie but whacking another toddler on the back, head, arm - worst - face is obviously a problem.
Just out of the blue - like last night as I was putting into his cot and be particularly loving sob he hit me in the face and said 'funny'. And apparently does this towards other children says CM (more on this later).
It's always much worse when he's tired or teething, the latter which he has been pretty much constantly for the last month.
Other than the hitting he is a lovely little boy, developing normally otherwise, speaks a handful of words, very sociable, extremely active walking running climbing etc. His attention span is at the shorter end of normal but I would say it's normal because there are times when he will concentrate on a task or toy for several minutes. However I'm a FTM so what do I know really?!
I work full time and the time I spend with DS tends to be with family (DH, DS and me) rather than with other kids at play centres etc so hard for me give an accurate gauge of what happens in those situations. When he does play with other children in my company he plays alongside pretty well with some hitting, definitely more than I'd like, but nothing like the level reported by the CM. (more on this later!). He does a lot of chucking things about - eg sand in the sandpit, which is a PITA if it's busy and it gets in other children's faces, but it's not deliberate so this is something I would consider normal for a boisterous child.
The reach and slap greeting/interaction has been going on for months on and off - the more frustrated stuff has been a gradual build up. The way DH and I have been dealing with it is at the start showing gentle behaviour, demonstrating stroking not hitting etc -this has been quite successful as a lot to the time he gives gentle strokes and look round for praise. With the more aggressive hitting it's a firm 'no, we don't hit' and then move him away from the other child, which works just because he's away from them but doesn't feel like it's changed his intent at all. If it's us 'no, we don't hit hitting hurts mummy etc. Which doesn't have much impact frankly.
Now, the picture painted by the CM when it all came to a head this week is of an unrecognisable monster! She said he 'punched' her in the face, yanks her daughter's hair (it's just DS and her 2yo daughter there four days a week), constantly hits her daughter to point where she is now cowering away from him, has had to be removed from play centres...
OMG I'm so ashamed and upset and panicked that actually there is something really wrong with him developmentally! We'd obviously talked about the hitting and we had a meeting about it some months ago and developed some strategies which she led me to believe were largely working. But this has really been a shock.
So my questions are does this sound normal, has anyone been through this and does anybody have any strategies that have worked? Help!