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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

So what DO you do when your toddler has a tantrum in the supermarket?

35 replies

Hayls · 06/12/2005 14:30

Just curious what you think. My dd came to the supermarket with me and I wouldn't let her go intot he cafe so she moaned a bit then lay face down on the floor (not crying or kicking etc, just lying there). If it happens at home, I just ignore it until she gets up and comes for a cuddle then I tell her what she did wrong so I did the same today- but got sooo many dirty looks. She lay for about 3 mins then I asked her if she wanted to smell the flowers and she came over and all was forgiven. She did it again about 15 mins later but was a bit more stubborn and whingy so I waited a few minutes (ignoring her)then counted to 3 (warnig her what would happen)then picked her up and carried on shopping.
Again, I got so many dirty looks.
Other than putting her in the trolley even when only buying milk is there anything I could/ should have done differently?
She will be 2 next month

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

misdee · 06/12/2005 14:32

i say, 'ok you stay there, see ya later, the disappear round the corner (always keeping an eye on whoever is in a strop) they always come running, well almost always lol.

eefs · 06/12/2005 14:33

I usually ignore. People mostly understand and those that start to make a move towards me get a empathetic "terrible, isn't it" smile from me then I turn away.

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 06/12/2005 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

eefs · 06/12/2005 14:34

oh yes - I walk away while keeping them in sight too. works a treat with DS1, DS2 doesn't really care I don't think, little monster.

OComeOliveFaithfOil · 06/12/2005 14:35

I am lucky in that dd1 hasn't ever had a tantrum in the supermarket, but she is not a very tantrumy person. I always give both mine something to eat as soon as we get in, raisins, breadsticks, Skips (!) etc etc. Dd2 is already a handful at 15 months so I may be in for it with her at a later date.

Ignore anyone giving you dirty looks. They either a) don't have children so therefore are not qualified to judge, or b) have children and are judgmental arseholes, so you wouldn't give them the time of day anyway.

MrsDoolittle · 06/12/2005 14:36

Hayls, dd is 19 months and I would have done exactly the same as you.
I guess I sometimes stare at other mothers dealing with tantrumming toddlers (I don't mean to) but only because I am curious to know how they deal with it. I am usually feeling huge sympathy.

handlemecarefully · 06/12/2005 14:36

I do on line grocery shopping...

But if out with dd when she is misbehaving I usually bundle her into 'time out' (usually the public loos)until she is prepared to behave

colditz · 06/12/2005 14:38

I would have done the same as you. You did good

vhairi · 06/12/2005 14:49

If you were as calm and controlled as you say you get 10/10 in my books! It was def right thing to do. My ds causes me endless public displays of tantrums even still at 4. I used to bother when people gave dirty looks etc but now i think f**k off you have him for a day see how you deal with it. My dd is totally different she ok to go shopping with has her moments but maybe i'm just better equipped to deal with it now, distraction usually works for her.

Original poster

Hayls · 06/12/2005 14:55

Also, if I do walk away and leave her she will wave bye bye and stay there. She has never really done this in oublic before (she is normally in trolley) but is jsut getting over a nasty cold and is generally grumpy. Other mums were smiling or not noticing me but a lot of older couples who normally stop to talk to dd and soo etc were the ones staring and making icy eyes today. Should also have mentioned that she had insisted on bringing baby and baby's buggy in as well so I ended up carrying buggy, dd, basket and handbag just wound me up and wonder what I should have done. Didn't feel right!

OP posts:

bosscatsroastingonanopenfire · 06/12/2005 14:56

ah but the thing about the walking away is that sometimes they disappear. ds1 had a mini tantrum in a city farm once and I walked round the corner popped my head round immediately and he'd disappeared. he'd gone into the shop (he was 2) and was rifling through the sweets. caused me sleepless nights I can tell you.

Original poster

Hayls · 06/12/2005 14:56

'soo' = 'coo'

OP posts:

TurkeyGang · 06/12/2005 15:03

Ah HMC - we adopt a similar approach and have improvised all sorts of venues as a 'naughty step'.

Dd once sat on a step for a few minutes looking at the fire exit door as 'time out' for having a big tantrum when we were out on holiday. We were only a few feet away at a table and were right next to her.

I really hate the supermarket thing though. You have to get shopping, so can't always abort the whole mission with a trolley half full because of a tantrum. It's having to deal with others disapproval or opinions on the subject which add to the strain. I must admit, I wimp out and don't do much with the children in tow. Either dh does a bit here and there or we get it online.

I like the advert - I think for a cold remedy - currently out showing the mum having a bigger tantrum than the little boy and shouting him down into submission in a supermarket

vhairi · 06/12/2005 15:14

Don't beat yourself up about it , it will no doubt happen again at some point so try a different approach then, if you don't think what you did was right.

handlemecarefully · 06/12/2005 15:15

Turkeygang,

I wimp out too and don't do much with the children in tow. It's just not worth it with a 3 yr old and a 19 month old, if the 3 year old starts tantrumming and behaving erratically it is quite taxing dealing with it when you are also having to monitor the younger one and there is only one of you.

My trips out 'solo' are 'safe' ones to other people's houses, toddler groups etc

Anything more ambitious is left until the w/end when dh is on hand

Epiffany · 06/12/2005 15:17

It's never happened to me but I'm from the school of ... take away the audience....

moosh · 07/12/2005 06:56

Ds will be 2 in Feb and I get constant fits in the shops, the high street, ds1 school playground, the playgroups, the library,at swimming, ANYWHERE and for ANYTHING! Even when you are putting his coat on to go out, even when you are trying to help him do something that he is clearly struggling with.
Ds1(now 5) never threw any tantrums at this age. He would scream once or twice but would stop on his own accord after the second scream. I could take him anywhere. Everytime he kicks off now I talk to him once and once only as repeatedly mentioning it to him does no good, then I take him by the hand and we keep walking I say nothing. If we are in the supermarket and he is in the trolley I will keep pushing him saying nothing till I have finshed my shop, if he walking and he threw himself down in the Supermarket, I will put him in the trolley and do the same as above. I always get looks and they make me feel cruel but I act, I put my head up and just keep going. If he continues, we go home. They are at that age where they are exerting their selves getting confident and wanting to do things by themselves even if they can't. Sometimes if on the rare occasion we haven't had a tantrum and I see another child having one I feel relieved that just for once it isn't him, but usually it is him!!!

trolleyshoeloose · 07/12/2005 10:24

Moosh, My DS1 was temper tantrum queen too!! I did the same, popped him in trolley, or under arm - he was very light and just carry on regardless! Ignore all evil glares from onlookers - judgemental cows IMO! When he got little older I did 'naughty place' (made him sit and face a wall/tree) - he didn't carry that on for too long - he hated it. Failing all else,,,, shop on-line! I don't venture into a supermarket now!

FlameRobin · 07/12/2005 10:29

I walk off a distance, and watch the results... DD has some great non-tantrums where she just looks like her batteries have run out . She stands perfectly still, and gradually slumps further over until her hands are touching the floor. She gets many baffled looks with that type.

The screaming type is less fun, but again, eventually she gets over it. If i am in a hurry, I try and force her along, but it invariably makes matters worse.

doormat · 07/12/2005 10:33

leave trolley where it is and take toddler home

chipmonksRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 07/12/2005 11:33

shop Online!

Elibean · 07/12/2005 16:15

DD is very nearly 2, and will sometimes follow if I walk off - but not always, if she's distracted or very tired, she may not. So personally, I'd abandon trolley and remove toddler - but confess its never happened yet and she is in the trolley, so no real experience. At home, I ignore.
Lastly...sure everyone does this anyway, but...have found getting DD 'involved' nips all bad behaviour in the bud, as she doesn't get bored. ie 'who can see the grapes?' 'which apple shall we get, green or red?' etc. Oh, and nothing bigger than a Little Person to play with when out - less to carry when she dumps it!
Think you did great, in fact.

rarrie · 07/12/2005 17:22

With DD, I just move her to the edge, lie her back down and let her get on with it. When she is finished, I just hold out my hand and say 'shall we... now' and move on. Nothing more is said. Thankfully tantrums in shops are rare, partly I think because she knows I don't care when she does!

knat · 07/12/2005 19:41

dd is 2 and 2 months and her tantrums are all out. At home I agree it is much easier - i just ignore, walk away, let her go full pelt and then she comes up crying and hugging me to say sorry. When out I do everything to stop a full tantrum developing - to my shame. Chocolate buttons tends to work most times in trolley but no always and because when she tantrums she headbangs and flails (sp?) around a lot like a wild animal! I don't feel I can just ignore. Any tips would be gratefully received (she's always in a trolley by the way in the supermarket)

MerlinsBeard · 07/12/2005 20:07

i try and do the same as we do at home, warn him nicely, warn him firmly at his level and then time out. If that means i have to sit on the floor in the middle of sainsburys with him then i will. Altho i have to say i haven't yet had to do it

i do my big shop online anyway so when we just pop out for bits he has a basket and so do i (assuming i don't have to cart ds2 around as well)

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