How do I get DS to stay in his own bed, getting desperate...

[HerRoyalNotness]

That's it really. We co-slept and then he slept really well in his own room, no problems. We moved to a house with his room at the front and it turns out it's very noisy and he is scared, truly scared (animals in the rubbish, homeless sifting through the recylcing for cans). I know he isn't pretending as a friend stayed over and used his room and was a bit freaked out, even though she knew what the noises were. He would run flatout to our room in the night crying out, poor thing. So we've moved his bed into share with DS2, right next to our room at the back of the house.

He cries when we put him to bed, if we're tired, we just put him in ours. When we resist and put him in his bed, I can hear him creep out and get into ours. I put him back in his bed, but during the night, he'll get in with us.

So we started a star chart 2 weeks ago, and have had NO progress. Reward for staying the WHOLE night in his bed is a small toy every morning, and when he has 10 nights, he will go to a marine park that he desperately wants to go to. He'll mention it in the day, and I'll ask what do you have to do to go there? He'll say, mmm sleep in my bed, but mabye I don't want to go there anymore. (to the park)

I need it to start working. We're exhausted. I'm a tired bitchy harpy and take it out on DH, and DH has had enough (of me). I'm too tired to be nice and jolly however. What else can we try? He is 4yo. Adding in that he is back at preschool in 3 weeks and I am back to work in 4 weeks after mat leave, so REALLY need to make some progress on this soon.

Could you set him up a camp bed/sleeping bag in your room and then gradually move it out towards his own room. Restart the routine of being alone in bed and sleeping through the night, if that makes sense.

What's the light situation in his room? Is there anything bright enough to stop him falling into a deep sleep.

I'd be tempted to put his bed in your room if there's space. Depends if you think it's worth having him in your space to avoid him waking up completely and coming into you.

Or, could he swap rooms with ds 2. Although if he's running in from there sounds as if it might not be the answer. How long is it since you moved? Could a bit of it be due to that as well as the noise itself?

W've been in this place for a year now. We are a bit nervous to put DS2 in the front, though I'm sure it'd be okay, he's only 1, there is all the living space between us and the front room (bit of an odd layout).

They have a little dim nightlight behind DS1s headboard, very low light, he is in the phase of being scared of the dark, he needs it just and normally has the hall light on to go to sleep, then we switch it off when we go.

I asked him this morning why he was in our bed again and he said he wanted DS2. I said he was in there with you, then after he woke up and came in DS2 woke up and DH brought him in too.

Im beginning to think that dS1 just likes the snuggles and we are too soft or tired to put DS2 back to sleep in his cot. I did try this for awhile, would get him to sleep, put him down and he'd wake straight away and start screaming. If we left him to it in the night, he wakes up the upstairs neighbour and we hear them stomping about, so we are really conscious not to let this happen. With him I've tried a bit of cc as we have to rock him to sleep normally, but he just screams and screams and I only lasted 20mins of that. He is such a placid baby in every other way.

It's hard if you're having to consider your neighbours too. Do you get on well enough with them to explain that you're going to try and sort the nights but it might be a bit of disruption for a bit and you're really sorry? I think you need to just make some rules and stick to them. If he knows that sometimes he'll get away with it and be allowed to stay in with you then it's worth him trying it on every night. And if you're letting DS2 come in with you then you're showing DS1 that crying in the night equals coming for a cuddle. I'd try putting DS2 in the noisier room - having them separate would let you deal with them easier, and the little one is too small to be frightened of funny noises so then he'd have a chance to get used to it while he's small. Then just try and stick to your guns and not let him in with you. If he knows you mean it it shouldn't take long, but if he suspects you're going to relent then it's going to be a much harder slog. Good luck!