Losing food battle...

[Bumbles10]

Hi,

DS will be 2 in a fortnight and perhaps we are just entering typical territory for the age but he is starting refuse healthy food. This is so dismaying as up until a few months ago he would would down broccoli, pasta with veg sauce, and eat any fruit i produced. I don't give him much junk, though perhaps i do by some standards as occasionally he will get a packet of those goodies organic crisps, once or twice a week we might share a small kitkat, and i've always been pretty free and easy with the rice cakes because i've always thought they seemed pretty harmless. That's about it for junk, except that I will give him fish fingers and chips, and also pizza, but i've started to make the pizza myself so that i can do a hidden veg sauce on it. Also, i'll allow him to go for whatever he likes when he's at a party (which is not too often.)

The situation really feels like it has come to a head in the past couple of days because he has totally and utterly refused to touch most of his usual meals (scrambled eggs, lentil cottage pie, pasta), and suddenly the fruit intake has dropped - today he has had about three bites of a banana, and half a strawberry which he spat out (and he has always loved strawberries). I know he's hungry because he's sat at these meals demanding rice cakes and yoghurt - sometimes i give in, sometimes i don't.

And to be honest, the real problem is me, because i can see that obviously the best course of action is to continue to offer the healthy stuff, and to stay calm when he doesn't eat, but i can't help getting upset. Mostly i leave the room and count to 10, but today i went into the kitchen and smashed one of his melamine plates, and also he saw me crying.

I feel so totally wretched, and i know i'm not the first mum to be on this path but i just don't know how to control my emotions here, and i so don't want him to have bad associations with meal times...

Help!
H x

right

the thing is, food and nurturing is all tied up with love, isn't it? so rejecting food feels like rejection of you, yes? I've been there and it's HORRID. He is also at the age where he is discovering he has power, and is starting to wield it, typical Terrible Twos territory

stay calm, cool, chatty, don't take it to heart (easy for me to say, I've come out the other side, long story)

also, this is meant kindly and not as an accusation: throwing a plate (out of view) is an extreme act and I wonder if there is more going on with you? are you sleeping/eating properly, do you get 'me' time, might you be depressed?

Yes, throwing the plate is an extreme act, which scared me. I'm not depressed, at least not exhibiting other signs such as tired, unmotivated etc etc, but that said we all have issues and i'm no different. I have really struggled with my weight since being pregnant and I really want him to be a good healthy weight and not overweight etc. He's such a happy kid and i don't want to be the cause of unhappy associations at the table, and I guess giving food is an important act of love for me (i love to cook etc) so its a big rejection. A few years ago I watched both my brothers' families up close going through this and i suppose in my head i was always thinking "if it were me i'd do this, that and the other and when its me i'll just be be calm and keep feeding the right things", but its just one of those things you have to experience with your own to know what it feels like, so perhaps this is karma teaching me not to go around with such a superior attitude!
Thanks for your feedback, i do take it as kindly meant.
h x

take care; if you need hand holding or more advice, just ask, loads of us on here with food refuseniks

Hi, just to say you're not alone. DD 22 months is in the middle of this with an ever declining menu. Will only eat pasta and pesto, tuna, oatibix, yogurt, banana, fish fingers and toast, with occasional peas and sweetcorn. She used to try anything but is now rejecting previous favorites. The last couple of days its been mashed potatoes - which she always used to love & are now the stuff of the devil. Tonight she had some tuna and a handful of baked beans. That was it. I am trying to stay chilled but some days i do better than others. It is hard so don't beat yourself up for losing it occasionally. I was in tears the other day - seems pathetic when i look back on it but its amazing how a stubborn toddler can really make you lose the plot. Hang in there. I'm reassured by others on here that they won't starve themselves and this will pass. Good luck .

Thanks Constant Craving,

Have tried to start today with a positive attitude, he ate breakfast, which is normal as he will always eat toast and cereal, but this morning it included a whole pear. Having decided yesterday to cut out all bad stuff i have in fact spent the morning baking muffins with him, and we've just eaten one each, however being home made they have hardly any sugar being sweetened with apple juice and banana, and we made them with a mix of white and brown spelt, so i feel ok about them, he does love getting involved in the cooking, and i really want him to have joy in food, and am maybe trying to wipe out the memory of yesterdays bad mood.

I have also decided to give myself an easy day and make a healthy pizza with hidden veg sauce for his lunch (another thing he can help to make), but i am going to stop giving all shop bought baby snacks, at least for a bit, and go completely cold turkey on the rice cakes since even though they are not so unhealthy, he is getting far too obsessed with them.

Trying to remain upbeat (though I have a sneaking suspicion that it will get worse before it gets better, so also trying to be realistic)

thanks for the support.
h x

Wow! Impressed by the pear! Baking is a great idea - I'm going to do some this weekend. Eating is not going well here - still very limited, but at least she does eat something and seems happy and i'm just trying to stay calm. Glad you had a better day.