What professional help is there for kids with food issues?

[kitbit]

i am having my annual fret about ds' eating habits. It's important to say that he is happy, healthy and thriving, but only eats a few core foods and won't/can't try anything new. Quantity is not the problem, it's variety, but what is really worrying me is how upset it makes him when we even broach the subject of a new taste.

He's 6, we've tried talking rationally about it (this works well for most things but not this), and we've tried rewards but even when it's something he desperately wants he'll get himself wound up into a state and won't try it and would rather not have the desired thing than try a new food. We try so hard not to put pressure on him, try to make it his choice to try something and there's a rule that if you don't like it you don't have to eat it, but his response to something new on his plate is getting worse and yesterday he asked to try something then got nearly hysterical when the moment came.

I'm concerned that it's turning into a phobia, and I don't know what to do.

Anyone have any advice? I'm desperate to help him as he is so disappointed in himself for not liking the same food as his friends

Can the GP help? Is there a specialist that we could be referred to for this?

I would approach the GP in the first instance. You might need to 'fight' for help (depending on your GP). Hope others coming with a bit more help!

I took my DS to a child psychologist for his eating issues, also about trying new foods. Her method involved eating teeny tiny pieces of one food, sitting there with him until he ate it (first time it took over 2 hours), and building the tiny bits into larger pieces, practicing at home not at meal times, to take the pressure off meal times (where we gave him things he liked). As he got used to the larger pieces of new food we then added them to his plate at meal times. Ask your GP for a referral. It will get better with the right help.

In my experience there is not a lot the professionals will or can do unless your DS is underweight. We were referred to an NHS dietician but the reality was that she could not help us (DD does have special needs though). We have started saying with DD if you try "X" after you can have a chocolate biscuit. Although I am not keen on using this method it does seem to work with DD.

Daisy, what happened in that 2 hours, was it upsetting and stressful for him? And once you were through it did he 'get' that it was safe to try a new thing?

Eve, I'm really glad this worked for your dd, but sadly ds is wired differently I think! He will go without something he desperately wants in order to avoid trying something. Then gets really upset and disappointed in himself and calls himself 'bad' because he won't try the food. It's heartbreaking it really is :(

Hi Kitbit. I am afraid I don't have much help but really feel for you. My DD is nearly four and sounds very similar to your DS. She looks fit and well is doing everthing she should be etc but food is such an issue.
She only eats carbs and yoghurt. She won't eat fruit,veg,meat. I can reason with her about most things but not food. She would scream if there was something she didn't like on her plate. Sometimes she has even got upset when she sees me eat strawberries
In desperation I downloaded a guide from the internet (will look it out for you later). It basically says your responsibility is to provide good food and it is their responsibility to eat it. I now put serving bowls on the table for her to help herself. They say you should make sure there is one thing you know they like. This has worked really well in making mealtimes less stressful and it did change her attitude. I was full of hope but now what I find is that she just eats lots of the one thing she likes!
They say that eventually they will start to try the new things on the table but it hasn't happened yet. They say it can take months and months if the eating habits are entrenched but I feel it has just stalled with me.
The worst thing is I keep thinking it is all my fault and am paranoid that my youngest will go the same way. We have always cooked fresh food and I dont know how we got to this point.
Other methods of putting food on the table and taking it away and letting them go hungry til they eat it just scares me. Like you, I don't think it would work for mine and I am so tired and stressed by it all I don't ink I could see it through.
Sorry to go on and I don't want to hijack. I just sympathise. Don't know if it is the same for you but it starts to impact on all we do. I had hoped we could go out for family meals by now but it is impossible.
So, not sure how this helps but I will get the name of the website I looked at if you like.
Good luck.

Thanks Mimmit, weirdly sympathy does help!

Ds does sound similar to your dd - although we do know that taking the food and letting be hungry till he eats it just results in him not eating. At all. We tried it once when he was 3, he ate nearly nothing for a week and eventually even the paediatrician who suggested it said to feed him as he was fit and healthy and his diet was not causing him harm whereas this definitely was.

So, all the helpful friends who have said 'who's in charge here? No arguments just take the food away he'll eat when he's hungry'....err, no he won't. Neither will he copy his peers and eat what they are having (2 years of school lunches untouched), nor will he take someone else's food as it's more interesting, nor eat food he has helped to pick/prepare/cook. Grazing...nope. Free access to fridge...nope. Logical reasoning, no. Thinking it might be a control thing we've tried to empower him with other things but this hasn't helped (although it's made him happier elsewhere!)

But I like the idea of keeping mealtimes stress free and trying foods (tiny bits) at other times, might try that and see if it works.

Mimmit I know how you feel, I too think it must be my fault but don't understand how, the only thing is that my friend has done exactly the same with her 2 dc and her ds eats everything while her dd is looking to be similar to my ds and your dd. So maybe it's personality, but that doesn't help us fix it does it!!

He was three years old at the time, and those first two hours were hell - I hated her for making him go through it, but when that first tiny mouthful went in, we were all (including DS) overjoyed ! A smartie followed, which I was doubtful about, but soon realised was part of the process, and what he aimed for thereafter. Each new try took less than two hours - it felt almost a bit like how things were with controlled crying - awful at first then gradually better. He is 5 now and still remembers his sessions at her house - not in a traumatised way either which is a relief. His nursery and other care givers were told what we were doing so they could encourage when not with me. He certainly felt safer trying new foods, but still is rather fussy, though in a manageable way. Good luck !

Kitbit it does sound so similar although your DS is bit older. I think it is a control thing with mine. That's why this method is good. They have control of what to serve themselves, how much and where to put it on the plate (yes even this has caused major meltdowns in our house!) but ultimately you choose what gets put on the table. That said I question it when she only takes the carbs but we have got a couple of new things down her this way (still carb related food)

I should have asked, but what food is it that your DS eats? Does he have any particular routines around mealtimes that he likes? How doea he manage at school. Does he go hungry until he can come home and have something "safe". My DD tends to load up on lots of breakfast cereal then refuse nursery food and most of dinner at home if she doesn't like it.

I don't know what the answer is but your story about the not eating and the paediatrician's response confirms what I felt about that approach. I think my DD is stubborn and controlling and I would crack before her! I also worry because I think it creates bad associations with food and I read something about eating disorders stemming from this sort of thing. It sounds daft but I feel scared of doing something or nothing for fear of making things even worse/creating different issues.

I too have those well meaning friends who imply I am just pandering to her whims and it can be easily sorted if I did x,y and z. Er, no otherwise we'd have done it wouldn't we?

This really doesn't help does it? It is nice to have someone in the same boat to share all this with though.

Daisy I really admire you for being able to do that. It sounds feeble but I just don't think I could at the moment. I am not sure my DD would react in the same way. Nursery forced her to try apple and she gagged on it so I told them not to do it again When you say he is still fussy has it drastically changed his attitude to food/trying new things? Do you think it was worth it?

Hi again. This is the link to Dana Obleman's site www.kidsfoodcenter.com/food-sense-philosophy
Not sure if I would say it is worth the money for the downloaded book (depends how gullible desperate you are. I was!). In finding the site I have seen she has some stuff on amazon which may be worth a look.

It was worth it because I felt like it he was missing out on eating at friends houses, parties, restaurants etc becuase it was always so stressful - the stress has eased, in part as I know he is getting a more balanced diet at home, but also because I think the whole process made me relax a bit more (she taught me how to act unaffected by it all, ignoring the things that used to wind me up). The fussiness is his last attempt I think at maintaining control, but he will try new things, just tiny bits always, which I never thought I would see him do. And if he likes them, he tries more. We also try variations on a theme. When he started to eat soup, I went crazy trying all sorts of new flavours. Sometimes it was just the textures of things that freaked him out.

(Jo Frost did an episode a few weeks back where she got a kid that only ever ate custard creams (aged 9) to eat a proper pub meal in a week - it may still be on the iplayer thingy ? Worth a watch for some tips !)

Thanks Daisy that does sound really good. I feel my DD misses out on all those things too.BTW sorry for calling your DD a he!! Blame lack of sleep which is another story...

LOL at soups. Think I would be the same. Did your DD tell you why she didn't like something like textures? Sorry will stop picking your brain soon.

I will look at iplayer. If we could try a pub meal it would be fantastic!

No reason at all why he chose not to, a mystery to him as well as me !
(I am lacking sleep too at the moment so sympathise with you on that front - a newborn in the house and a very boistrous 5 year old !)

I was just about to start a thread on this myself! Our DS1 is nearly 8 and has actually got worse with food over the last few years. He now doesn't eat things he used to eat a couple of years ago, like peas or carrots, or sausages. Mealtimes are a real battle and we fluctuate between getting cross and frustrated and relaxing and letting him eat what he wants. ie chips or bread with no spread or butter on. Basically, if it's yellow or white he'll eat it. Oh, and sweets or chocolate of course.

It's good to know we're not alone here! I have looked at that link above, and I think I will ask our GP for a referral to a psychologist - we have had a dietician in the past but they can only say what he should eat, which we know about - not how to change his behaviour so that he will eat.

Kitbit - does your LO try new foods at all ie what about sweets or food that looks similar to food he will eat - our DS will always try things in shiny wrappers that look like crisps or sweets for example. Although, he likes McDonalds-type chips, the thin ones, but won't try homemade chips or wide chips. Or eat any chips with a brown bit on, or a green bit, or that are slightly different in colour to 'normal' chips. Sigh.

Hi everyone. Dairy, you sound like you have your hands full. Congratulations on your newborn.

Kirsty, your approach at mealtimes sounds like mine. I try to be reeally calm but sometimes get cross and frustrated.

Kitbit hope you are ok? Thank you for starting the thread. It has made me look again at what we are doing. After recommending Dana Obleman, we have switched back to just giving a plate of food.My DD ate a third of a plain pasta twirl which is progress.

Friday was a bad day though. DP had day off and we went out for lunch (why because I always know it ends in tears?!) DD agreed she would like plain pizza but got upset because it had brown bits on it!DP lost it, DD distracted DS from his food and in messing about spilt her drink everywhere. Another hasty exit, more money wasted...really don't know how to approach it. Am reluctant to go to GP for referral but reading all your posts, maybe it would be the best thing.

Kitbit I hope you are reaching a decision about your next line of attack with it.

Hi
A word of warning, I purchased the Sleepsense Programme by Dana Obleman, it is a complete con, so can only assume any of her other programmes are too. Usually I do not fall for these kinds of things but i was so tired and desperate. When I googled to find help getting baby to sleep it was the top hit site. I stumped up the cash to receive the electronic package including a whole load of so called freebies. The site claimed I would receive the package in minutes and to contact customer services if not. Around a month later I have received nothing (except a whole load of spam) despite chasing with their customer services department - they have just stopped responding to me. I have subsequently asked for a refund and am waiting for their response.

@NRJ3. That sounds bad, and disappointing, as we had a really good experience with the Sleep Sense programme. It worked for both our girls, after months of pain, and worked quickly and lastingly. Based on our experience, I would thoroughly recommend it. Expensive though, and after much thought we've decided not to buy her potty training book just because of the price.