4.5 year old pooing his pants

[mrsdarcy]

Title says it all really. He started reception this year and seems to be getting on fine. He doesn't poo at school (I think lots of children hold it in till hometime) but has started pooing in his pants 2 or 3 times a day (evening on school days, throughout the day at weekends). Sometimes he doesn't totally poo his pants at school but leaves big smelly skid marks (sorry if tmi!).

I have bought cheap undies so I can throw them away but apart from that don't really know what to do, either to help him stop doing it, or to help myself cope a bit better.

I've tried ignoring it (following the theory of ignore behviour you don't like and give attention to behaviour you do like).

I've got very cross about it (not following any theory at all, just really grossed out!).

I've tried emphasising how grown-up he is - starting school, doing football. None of it works. He doesn't even seem very bothered about it and denies he has done it, even when he stinks to high heaven.

I'm worried he'll be known for the rest of his life as "that kid who smells of poo" - I still remember the chlid from my primary school days who had that label. He's been doing it for maybe 1 - 2 months. I mentioned it to our hv (I have a 4 month old) and she thought it was normal and said to chat to her again if he's still doing it in 6 months, but I'm getting quite worried and extremely revolted

Any advice anyone?

Being constipated can cause this ... sometimes the constipation causes a blockage that looser poo seeps around, causing skid marks and frequent pooing accidents that the child may not even realise he's had.

Have a look at this - the seepage caused by constipation is called encopresis

Thanks for the link WWB. He's always been pretty regular, and his poos are pretty loose, so I hadn't thought it could be constipation. He's real wind-up merchant but not in a malicious way. He's a good-natured, very smiley boy - so the other parts of the link didn't seem to fit either.

The only time recently that he has pood in the loo has been when he's been going around the house bare-bottomed.

Before DS1 started reception he was constantly peeing and pooing his pants - I had the image of him being constantly wet at school.

Being nasty didn't work, ignoring it didn't work so we tried a star chart. He got a star every time he did a poo in the toilet - when he had enough stars he got a treat. But mostly he just liked getting the stars. Worked like a treat and he started using the toilet properly within a day or two. He still occasionally has accidents, but we don't make a big thing of it and it passes.

Dd has done/is doing this. She potty trained easily with well over a year of no accidents. But the last six months she had occasional wee and bits of poo accidents. She also doesn't do it at nursery or now school. It is very exasperating but I've put it down to being too absorbed in activities at home to remember to go to the toilet. At school and nursery I reckon the staff do routine toilet breaks so she doesn't have the opportunity to miss going.

But it's interesting about constipation as I was saying to dh that I wondered if there could be anything wrong with her bowels. I'm going to try increasing water and fibre and see if it helps.

It is very annoying though and quite difficult to keep calm about it.

Hi mrsdarcy, my DS (5 in April) isn't starting reception until Jan, but still fairly regularly produces skiddy pants/holds back his poo. It's something he has always done, however--what's working (fingers crossed) at the moment is a star chart with rewards he has chosen himself.
I'm just wondering if your DS' poo habits were OK before he started reception? If so, do you think there might be something about the school loos he dislikes, eg are there hand-driers (DS hates them).

My Dd potty trained (wees) fine but has never been able to get the hang of doing poos on the potty or toilet. I thought she was being naughty as she regularly disappears under the table or behind the curtain to go!She was having bits of poo accidents for a couple of days, followed by very large apple-sized poo in her pants. I thought she was being naughty but my GP sent her a few weeks ago to see paediatrician. She had 'poo charts' and everything and said it was very common and the most likely cause was that she happened to be constipated once which then meant it hurt when she went to the loo. Then she stopped trying to go so it didn't hurt. The rectum (who made up that word???) has then stretched from the build up of poo sitting in the bowel for a couple of days at a time. She said my Dd wasn't trying to do poos in her pants but actually trying hold it in! The bits of poo were the start of the proper poo waiting to come out and she probably couldn't stop them from coming out. She prescribed her a newish medicine called Movicol which is a sachet you make up with liquid (apple juice in Dd's case) and it doesn't act on the bowel muscle like a laxative but it increases the amount of water in poo so it's easier to go. They should then get into a pattern. Now Ds goes to the loo (hooray) most days and gets a sticker when she does.

My ds is still doing this (4.9 yrs)
I just wanted to say, it will get expensive throwing underwear away, I rinse ds through the machine on a quick wash cycle with no detergent, then wash them as normal.

It's so heartening to get all these replies! Thank you so much . I definitely need it tonight as I have just thrown away today's 5th pair of underpants .

I'll try the star chart idea and see how that goes, and I'll try increasing his water intake as well. He's a very fussy eater and doesn't eat much fruit or veg (that's another threadin itself - the poor little thing seems to have been waiting his whole life to be a troublesome middle child, even though he's only been one for 4 months!), so I guess water is the thing to try if the problem is constipation.

He was Ok before starting reception. Well, he's never been fantastic about pooing in the loo but he tended to have occasional accidents, rather than habitual soiling, iyswim.

I posted this morning on the products thread for something to get poo from the carpet but you're describing DD (4) to a tee. I'm at my wits end. I'm going to try star-chart & see how that goes as it worked before for behaviour. She's also become very cheeky lately too so think we'll have a double chart. Although Dd fits the same pattern as luciemule's post she's got a very good diet and takes in a lot of fluid so I'd be surprised if it was constipation in our case. will see how the star chart goes this week. mrsdarcy meet you back here next week for poo-watch.

dd who is 4 and half has the same problem. She too has movical from the doctor. Agree with the rinsing pants out and then washing.

She goes 8 days between poos and when they come out they are enormous. I have taken a photo of the one this week it was so big! It was 18 cm by about 8cm. How on earth did she get that out

We had 2 poos in the loo today after sticker chart chat. fingers crossed it continues.

Well done Jbck . How are things today?

I'm doing a many-headed attack today.

We started a sticker chart (Xmas angels actually!) and for the fist time in days he pood in the loo rather than his pants.

I also kept him bare-bummed which I think helped too. I am beginning to think that he is constipated as (tmi alert!) when he was bare-bummed a kept noticing a horrod smell, and he had little pebbles!

Also, when we got in from school and after his drink, I sat him on the loo and read to him for as long as he could stand it. A friend recommended having his knees at an acute angle, but I couldn't persuade him.

For the first time, he pood his pants in school today and his teacher was quite stern with him. That may have helped too.

I'll post without previewing as I fear I may be appalled at how poo-obsessed I have become

MrsD, no poos today anywhere. Don't know about the teacher though if it is constipation & he can't help it poor soul. We actually call DD Miss Stinky as the wind is sometimes terrible & usually a sign to be on poo-alert.
Someone is coming to view our house tomorrow so I'm hoping bedroom carpet doesn't smell too rank
It's quite like when they were babies & you were obsessed with how often they pooed & colour/consistency conversation was the norm.

Nothing new to add except my friend's 4.5 ds poos his pants regularly (never at school though) & is one of the most bright, intelligent kids I have ever known. Always has a smart answer for why he did it! Had a couple of months of this with my ds & know how soul destroying it is to scrape poo out of pants every day

Screwfix do an odour-remover which we have used with great success in the past (mainly on wee and sick smells). It actually removes the smell, rather than merely masks it.

Know what you mean about the teacher. Ironically, it made me feel much more sympathetic towards DS2 - I[m not always very nice about it . I told her on Monday that I thought it was behavioural rather than mechanical, so it may be partly my fault. I only started thinking yesterday that it might be constipation.

Wads - paed doc. said that nearly every case she had seen of acute constipation in children, the child had always been very intelligent (and she reckoned that was the whole problem).
I reckon they think about the whole poo thing too much.
I agree with Jbck though - apparently when they hide under the table etc, they are trying to hold the poo in - not let it out! My Dd always talks to her poos as they go down the loo (something we have definitely not encouraged!) I think I've got some serious poo problems to sort out before school next September!

Hi MrsD

Haven't been around on the Jul postnatal thread for a while (too busy!) but was interested to hear about your ds's poo problems as we have had similar poo probs with our ds1 (he will be 5 early Jan) and is at reception just mornings. He has always held his poo until night time nappy (still not dry at night) or pooed his pants at some stage in the afternoon - never at school.

It drove us mad - nothing worse than having to scrape out pooey pants especially when heavily pregnant during the summer. We have tried everything; star charts, bribery with toys, chocolate - even getting him to help wash out his pooey pants (that suggestion was a complete mare!). Anyway about 3 weeks ago I was so fed up with him pooing all the time and he was nagging me to let him on the pc (he loves using the computer at school) so I just said if you do a poo on the toilet you can have a go on the pc (the Thomas website is his favourite!). He took himself off to the loo and out popped a poo or two! He was so chuffed with himself and since that day he hasn't stopping pooing in the correct place now! He also goes much more regularly now where as before he was withholding it which definately made his system very sluggish.

Anyway I just wanted to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel! I truly thought that he would never do poos in the toilet but I suppose as the saying goes (which incidently drives me mad): children do things in their own time. It is also really reassuring that other children have similar probs because I was beginning to feel quite isolated about the problem and there was always the dread that he would poo when we were out or at school.

Anyway hope things improve with your ds. Hope Harriet is doing well. Harry is such a joy, sleeps well at night and has just learnt to roll over on to his front - he's feeling v pleased with himself!

Take care. See you on postnatal thread soon!

xx

Just to add, my ds1 was like this. Eventually dh and I decided that we needed to take a chill-pill about the whole thing as ds could tell we were stressed about it. Also OTC laxatives seemed to work in getting the stools soft so there would be no discomfort. You think its never going to end but ut does!

Hi Webwoman! Nice to see you . Glad Harry is doing so well.

Well, DS2 is definitely getting better. The angel chart has been a huge incentive for him and for the last 3 days or so there have been no accidents, and he has pood in the loo. I am increasingly convinced that he was very constipated so feel rather ashamed of being so cranky with him (I was initially sure it was behavioural).

I had told his teacher about it and said that I thought it was behavioural, and that day when I picked him up she told me that there was a "rather horrid present" in his lunch box. Apparently she had made him clean himself up, spoken to him sternly, and packed up the dirty undies in a nappy bag which she then put in his lunch bag . Not a very appropriate place to put it, so I was thinking on the way home of cornering her the next day and speaking to her about it.

When I got home, I discovered that there was no poo in his lunchbag and I forgot about it, until the next day when she sheepishly came up to me and told me that she had put it in the wrong child's lunchbag!! The head had somehow got involved and told her that she really mustn't put poo in a child's lunchbag. I laughed my head off and told her that it served her right. She's a really terrific teacher, and I guess she was just having a moment of pre-Christmas insanity.

The wrong child's lunchbox!!!!! OMG - can you imagine being the other parent! ROFL! That teacher will never live it down!

I was looking at this thread because DS 4.5 has had a recent outbreak of accidents, after a spotless record since he toilet trained himself two years ago. It was after a period of minor upset and disruption, and also, I think, co-incided with a growth spurt which other MN-ers reminded me is connected to a big testosterone surge at this age. I think the combination makes them lose thier marbles for a while, and not concentrate on the things they usually do automatically. DS is completely back to his reliable state now - I dealt with it by taking it in our stride and making v little fuss about it.

Oh my god - LOL at the poo in the wrong lunch box. Can you imagine the poor parents face!

Oh my god - LOL at the poo in the wrong lunch box. Can you imagine the poor parents face!

Mrs D I told you that teacher was a bit harsh, punishing an innocent lamb, maybe it's some kind of psychological trick. DD was being really good but she's got a bad cold & cough & had a poo accident in her pj's last night about 9'ish. When I asked her why she didn't get up she said 'The poo poo didn't shout get up, I want to come out!' Cos if it had she would have. I had to laugh and she was so poorly I couldn't be annoyed. No accidents today though even though she's still not feeling well, I can hear her coughing away as I type.
Maybe they're getting over this phase, let's hope so. She's crying again.............. away I go.

Hi everyone - I am so glad I am not the only mum with a 4y 8m yr old boy who poos in his pants! I can empathise with all of you. We have tried the works: star charts, child psychologist, health visitor, laxatives, homeopathy, cranial osteopathy and are still struggling to get beyond 4 or 5 days of clean pants. I think I should invest in shares in Primark pants! I am convinced constipation is the main reason - DS has always poo-ed every day (mainly soft - whether in pants or in loo) but when he had an xray at the hospital we felt terrible - he was unbelivably clogged up (up to his stomach)- especially this great grapefruit sized ball of poo in his rectum stopping anything other than diarrhoea coming out. The amount that came out in his clean out was astounding - metres and metres of the stuff. He has always lived off wholegrains, fruit and veggies and drinks lots of liquids - he hates chips, pizza, breadcrumbed food ets - it's a crazy world!