help!! i need house rules for teenagers

[minder1]

hi i am finding it hard to put some better rules into place for my oldest 2 children, they r 12 & 13, my oldest isnt to bad and does follow most things we say but my 12 yr old is totally different, he lies constently we have caught him stealing, hes always hurting our younger child and causing arguments with both oldest n youngest,he argues with both me and my husband and will swear blind that he hasnt done anything even if we have seen him do it, he is always finding the fault in everything both in people and things others do but he is perfect in his eyes, we have not been out for a while because of his behaviour he always seems to spoil it and we r stuck with how to punish him,( that sounds abit harsh ) grounding him, taking away his things doesnt work he carries on as though nothing has happened, we do have some rules but they r more aimed generally and i think we need something more direct for them and there age, and appropriate consequences , i would really apprectiate some advice on rules and consequences please!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like im loosing control over him and he doesnt care , :(

Just did a google search and came up with the following (don't know if there helpful but thought i'd post them just in case)

www.teenswithproblems.com/home_contract.html
www.rd.com/family/11-rules-for-raising-teenagers/
www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f13/house-rules-consequences-teens-190/
www.growingkids.co.uk/settinggroundrulesforteens.html

In my experience, it would help to have your children help you make the rules as I think they will be more receptive to them.

I'm sure someone will come along soon with more appropriate advice - good luck!

Your 12 year old sounds as though he's having a hormone surge and needs some help controlling himself. I agree strongly with StarryEyedMama - rules should be negotiated with them at this age. You can also work out the punishments for rule infractions with them, so they know exactly what they're in for. You can write them out and put them on the fridge - that way everyone knows where they are.

thank you , i shall have a look at the websites and thats a good idea about sitting them down i dint think of that, thall be tomorows job.
i never thought of him behaving the way he does on his hormones he did go to school one day and told his mentor that he had anger problems and shes a special needs teacher , she told him he didnt have an anger problem he was a normal 12 year old ( when she rung to tell me it did make me chuckle ) ,
hopefully i will get some good ideas from the sites and we can sit down n do it all together without a strop, thank you again n i shall let u know how it goes :)