How can I help my dreamy 4 year old DD become a little more practical?

[SantasSandyBalls]

She's bright, creative, musical, but seems to live in a litte dream world. Simple things like dressing, undressing, eating etc take forever and she seems to be struggling socially at school, quite happy to sit in the sidelines rather than join in. She's happy enough in her own way but I need tips to try to make her school/home life easier in the practical sense.

Try to break the activities down into small chunks so that it feels as if she achieves each part rather than attempting a whole series of steps within a task. dd is a similar age and cannot completely dress herself but tries to do a bit more each time ie. this week I'll put her tunic on and she'll do up the zip. She can do her tights and shoes by herself so I make lots of fuss about what she can and does do and quietly work on the other things. Laying her clothes out in the same way may help, so that she gets used to the order and doesn't have to think too hard about it.

Perhaps she'd respond to a reward system like a sticker chart if she can do more things independently or within a time.

How are her motor skills generally ? Does she actually have difficulty doing these things or is she just easily distracted. ds has motor and sequencing issues and is easily distractible which was diagnosed at 6. He behaved similarly at that age although at the time it didn't seem that unusual. He also has difficulties socially. Obviously this may well not apply to your child but motor skill problems are quite common at 4.

hth

ah bless her

she's only wee

agree get her to do things you KNOW she can do

Thanks for replying. I don't think she has particular trouble doing these things, she just gets distracted, for instance she'll put one arm into her shirt sleeve and then have a little sit down and a gaze out the window, or put one sock on then wander off somewhere in a dream. Physically she seems fine, she can ride a bike for example. She's been at school since September and I see all the other little ones dashing in and putting their lunch boxes/drinks away, then hanging up their coats, putting their books away etc, and DD will just stand there in a dream until I prompt her to do each thing. I just thought she may have picked it all up a bit more by now but she still struggles.

ask for the teacher to help. Some kids are just dreamy and find it harder to be "in the moment". I still have problems with my nearly 7 year old. I used to shout at her but that doesn't work!
I think coaxing, bribing as other mners have posted and rewarding.But do ask the teacher, because they can also help reinforce the rewards for good coat-hanging, lunchbag putting, etc.

I used to shout too, as its so infuriating when you're trying to get out the house in the morning isn't it, but like you say, it doesn't work. They can't help it can they, it's not like they are trying to get us going.

My dd's only 3 but is similar in that she's permanently in her own little imaginary world, talking to herself, totally uninterested in what other children round her are doing.

I'll be looking at responses to your thread with much interest!

Thanks for the suggestions, LIZS. If anyone has any other ideas, I'd be keen to try them to on DS1 who's 7 and still inhabits his own universe.

dd1 is a bit like this, and she is 8. Mind you so am I and I'm 34!!!! So there's no hope

Seriously though, it's about developing coping strategies rather than trying to change the way she is. My whole life became so much more manageable when, at the age of about 13/14, I started keeping a pen and paper by my bedside. As I nodded off, I would suddenly remember things I needed to do, would jot them down on a bit of paper and toss it on the floor. When I woke up the floor would be strewn with bits of paper , I would have a record of everything I needed to do and suddenly I wasn't running around chasing my own tail any more. I still do this even now and am a slave to lists . Not that this helps you at all just now but it's something I will be doing with dd1 when she gets a bit older.

Anyway - coping strategies for now - I break tasks down into very small parts and try not to nag. So for dd at age four rather than ask her to "get dressed" I would say "take your jamas off", then once that was done, "put your pants on", etc. All with constant calling out - "have you done x yet? Come on then/well done, now do x" as appropriate. Even now at age 8, I don't ask her to get ready for bed, I give her small specific targets. She is a very intelligent girl, just dreamy! Hope this helps, it's awfully garbled and waffly - sorry.

I think it is really lovely - what amazing imaginations kids have... I can understand that it might be frustrating at times but I bet she really excels in creative play and music. When I'm stressing over what ds' do or don't do, my mum reminds me that they are born with their personalities and all we can do is round off the edges...