Physically slow child - normal??

[aloha]

Please be kind, feeling very fluey and tearful today and after a good start ds isn't settling at all at nursery. But what I wanted to ask was, ds is now two. I'm not worried about his intelligence - he talks well and communicates well. BUT he looks and physically behaves like a much younger child. It really stands out at nursery. He's quite short for his age, and a bit chubby, nothing to worry about according to the HV, but he finds everything physical very difficult. He takes ages to scramble up a slope that younger children whizz up. He doesn't jump or run properly - actually he can't do either of those things. He can't put on items of clothing (though is making attemps with shoes) and doesn't make towers of bricks etc. He finds even stepping off the kerb or down shallow steps very hard and still goes up the stairs on all fours (and comes down them backwards). He has enormous trouble using a spoon. He just seems much more clumsy and physically hesitant that other children. He's always been slow-ish to reach physical milestones but can walk etc so it might seem really self-indulgent to worry when so many people have bigger worries...but...being a boy I do worry that he will always be physically behind and live a life of misery because of it! Does anyone have a child who went from clumsy to adept, or can suggest anything to help him improve his physical skills?

Aloha - my ds was 2 in June and he still goes upstairs on all fours. I was worried that all the other kids were jumping, but ds couldn't. Then all of sudden he 'learned' how to do it. He still needs help going up a step upright.

I think if he's been a little bit slower from day one then thats just the way he is and I'm sure with the influence of the other kids he'll soon catch up.

I'm noexpert, but he sounds perfectly normal to me. But I do understand your concerns.

As for the spoon.... my ds suprised me at the weekend by managing to eat a yoghurt without spilling it and throwing it everywhere! But that's the 1st time he's done it. Just last month he couldn't aim the spoon into the tub at all!

I dont think your ds's physical traits sound uncommon either. Are you and your partener athletic? If not I would pressume your ds wouldnt be either. If he is small in stature than the other kids he will have greater difficulty doing 'some' things anyway. My ds is nearly 2 and he still goes up stairs on all fours and comes down backwards, it's safer anyway. He still gets in a mess at dinnertime too. I know loads of 4 year olds who can't dress themselves too, dont worry

There is NO WAY ds could dress himself, not a chance. He can take his socks and nappy off.

Aloha - he doesn't seem too far behind at all. My DS is partly like this. He's now 2.7. He's actually very good at fine motor skills (self-feeding, lego, jigsaw puzzles) but its the real "boy things" (IYKWIM) that he's not so good at - gross motor skills like climbing stairs, running (still lifts his legs in the air rather than stretching them out), climbing and pedallng a trike. Part of his problem is his physcial build - long body/short legs.

DS also is not very adventurous in trying these things - will not do them until he knows he can and then maybe not. For instance he can come downstairs standing up holding the rail because he has done it with my supervision/encouragement twice perfectly well but still will go up/down on all-fours unless we hold his hand. Another instance, when younger he decided he couldn't pull himself up to standing unless he had something to hold onto. I remember him crawling across the wet floor of the swimming baths changing room to a rubber mat to pull himself up - pyschological or what? He also didn't crawl/shuffle until well after he could walk.

It bothers me somewhat that the other children are so much more adept at these things than he is but as yet I don't think he has noticed. I do try to encourage him to do the things that I think he can do but he thinks he can't. And then often we get a massive smile of achievement from him which is great.

As far as improving his physical skills - all I can suggest is taking him to soft play/playgrounds as much as possible. Its hard to get the balance between encouraging the ares they are interested in - in DS's case reading, puzzles, lego etc and trying to bring them on in the areas they find difficult - for us clmbing, pedalling etc.

Sorry for the waffle. Hope part of it helps.

Aloha your ds sounds normal to me.

My ds is 2 and a half but is a very active child, he is like a monkey but his speech has only just started coming through the last 2 months.

I think all kids develop at different rates, some are quicker at talking etc and I think it all balances out evenly in the end.

BTW my ds TRIES to get himself dressed but ends up with 2 legs in one leghole.The only reason he tries to put his shoes on is because it means he wants OUT.

I hope you are feeling better too

Aloha - sounds fine to me. Has he had his 2 year development check yet? The health visitor may well pick up on anything that is slow. Do you or your dh play football with him? Apparently that is supposed to help with balance etc. because they have to balance on one foot to kick the ball. We bought ds a trampoline, because he had so much energy to burn off (£20 from Woolworths - one of the best £20 I ever spent), and it taught him to jump in one day. I was a bit worried he couldn't, but I think he just hadn't sorted out the co-ordination. If you don't want to buy one, local gyms often have toddler sessions, and they might have one. Our local gymnastics school has a wonderful 'drop-in' session (i.e. you don't have to pay for 10 sessions), and they have a big trampoline that the kids love.

Don't worry - I'm sure he's fine!

Both of mine have been dozy at physical skills, ds1 is dyspraxic, but ds2 isn't at all- just not very athletic. I'll write more later about how you can tell the difference between real probs and just being not very good at physical stuff. If you are worried about this though your son can take fish oils from age 2. (not cod liver oil too much vitamin A- something like Efalex or eyeQ). I'm sure its nothing though.

I'll write more later.

My ds will be five in a few weeks time and has only, this summer, started to do all the things you describe. He is still a very 'careful' child when it comes to doing thing with any risk of harm to himself and will either refuse to try or will do it very slowly (much to the irritation of the children - especially in playgrounds etc).

To some extent I think it is because dh and I hadn't really encouraged him to be more adventurous. On the other hand, I really don't think ds was ready to try a lot of things like climbing etc until a few months ago and I know that it would have back-fired if I had pushed him.

Thank you very much for all your comments. They are reassuring but it is hard when it seems like every child has more physical confidence than yours He's a lovely boy, very affectionate, calm and chatty and I suppose I am very unathletic and averse to all forms of exercise (ALWAYS last to be picked for team games at school) which can't help the gene pool much! I think the idea of a trampoline is a good one - though I think he might need a handle (who wants a landscaped garden anyway!). He doesn't notice any differences yet and loves his painting and drawing and books. I was hoping he'd catch up a bit by the time he got to the 'noticing' stage. Anyway, thanks again, and I"m for some lemsip and a hot bath... dh has taken ds to the park for some physical training

Aloha I will email you privately if that's ok?

I would definitely go for a handle on the trampoline at that age Aloha. I understand how you feel though because I feel the same as you. I was last to be chosen on teams at school and I can remember how that felt and I so don't want that for DS. So I suppose I sort of blame myself for the bad genes.

Aloha- the difference between my 2 boys:

In order to teach ds1 any motor skills from using a spoon, drinking out of a cup, undressing we needed to use a mixture of physical prompts and backward chaining. So for example to teach drinking out of a cup I had to stand behind ds1 with my hands over his hand then out his hands on the cup and tip etc. He was 18 months old and it took a week of this before he could do it. Ds2 just did it. To teach removing a sock we had to backward chain, so we had to remove most of the sock and leave him to do the last bit, then gradually we would leave him to do more and more. Same with taking off t-shirts etc. He's only just learned to take off his coat (and he's 4 and a hlaf) can't dress himself at all. DS2 isn't very good but he does try and knows how to try without needing physical prompts.

Also ds1's motor planning has always been very bad. So if he's standing and you say lie down- he would kind of curl up on his front- he;s only just learned to then roll onto his back- and I think that's becuase of the BIBIC therapy we've done/.

Was your ds a c-section? I was talking to the OT a couple of weeks ago (shock horror found one) and she said new research has shown that it is quite common for c-section babies to have some problems with spatial awareness as they haven't been squeezed. She said for that sort of problem she suggests the same sort of things as we are doing with BIBIC. One good one being to lie you child on the edge of a duvet on their back- then roll then like a sausage roll - then leave them to get out themselevs (obviously help them if they get distressed). DS1 used to struggle out, but now he rolls out very quickly.

your ds sounds like ds2- who I would describe as a bit clumsy and cack handed - and a little but "out of synch"- as in the out of sync child (book) - for example he's a bit woosy about loud noises, but he doesn't have what I would call a problem.

How's your ds with stairs btw- does he take alternate steps yet or does the same foot lead each time? Ds2 (21 months) still leads with the same foot.

Oh and I was watching him in the ball pool today- he really stuggles to negotiate things like the slide etc- and won't go up them unless physically forced by me (bad mummy). Younger kids than him were throwing themseleves off the top. However I can say categorically I don't believe he's anything less than the ham fisted end of normal (like his parents).

Aloha, I hope you feel better soon. You have given your ds such a headstart with art and reading and talking, all things that boys are supposed to find more difficult. When all his peers are trying to do these things through a testosterone surge at 4-5 years your ds will be able to run around to his hearts content and not miss anything. At the moment he is copying things he sees you do, which is mostly the things he is good at. Once he has had a few weeks of seeing the other kids at nursery charge around he will pick up in this area. The trampoline sounds like a great idea.

Aloha, your ds sounds about right, but I can absolutely sympathise with you about how differences stand out when he is with other children. The general attitude seems to be that if the average child is capable of doing something by a certain age, then everyone must do it by that age - but I bet your ds isn't 'average', is he!

My ds was exactly like Bozza's, but in the last 2-3 months his physical skills have suddenly taken a leap forward (he's now 3). The trampoline gets a massive thumbs up from us, too! His language has always been way ahead of his age, and I can't help wondering whether mental development may be following the same sort of pattern as his growth, ie instead of everything growing at the same rate, he would put on weight sideways, then grow in height until he was skinny, then put on weight again, then grow taller again and so on. So perhaps he takes turns developing linguistically, then physically.

I found that well-fitting shoes were very important. Sometimes, although his feet didn't seem to have grown, he'd start falling over very often, I'd change his shoes and he'd stop falling over, and that seemed to give him moe confidence.

I'm unathletic, but fairly well-co-ordinated, while dh is exactly the opposite...I hope ds has inherited the right combination!

Jimjams, what is the 'out of synch' book you refer to?

the out of sync child by carol stock kranowitz. It's about sensory integration dysfunction

Aloha - our trampoline is just a little one with a handle, and fits in the corner of the room really neatly. Definite good buy! I think Asda do them as well as Woolworths.

Actually aloha just flicked through the book and it gives a whole load of exercises that can be done at home. Its paperback so pretty cheao and available from amazon. I know the bibic exercises have really helped ds1's motor coordination (and he was obviously starting from the point of being so bad for it to be a major problem). A quick 15 min programme a day might really bring on that side of things- then he might be the forst to be picked for the teams- lol.

I would recommend the bookif you wanted ideas.

not that I think he needs it! I don't do any of this stuff with ds2 who sounds just like your ds. unless he gatecrashes a bibic session. Just if you wanted to encourage that side and wondered what to do.

Jimjams, I was interested to see your OT's comment about the link between CS and spatial awareness. I read a newspaper article a couple of years ago which linked CS with dyspraxia but I've seen nothing more since. Do you have any references for the research?

sorry no- we were just chatting generally about the boys. ds2 was kind if crashing around and she was taking a case history for ds1 and asking about bibic. I will be seeing her again, so I will ask. However this is NHS so it could be a while

Aloha, this is a difficult thread for me to add to, since my sons are both very physical. But I do have experience of them not being like most other children at nursery in other ways - listening, concentrating, etc, while being of normal intelligence and talking and communicating well.

All I can say is that differences in development IME get narrower as time goes by. I do think 2 years old is an age to have pronounced leaps and bursts, as others have said here.

Also, the fact that your son is smaller than average must have a big bearing on his relative agility. Much easier to negotiate steps and slopes if you are taller. And could his caution be a sign of intelligence and awareness of his size? I used to worry like hell about my oldest son at that age. A total daredevil, always rushing around, he would frequently misjudge things and get hurt, and have the same accidents over and over again. It made me seriously question his intelligence!

Both my sons were slow to learn to dress themselves and my oldest didn't make towers of bricks till he was 4. My son has a best friend who was less physical than him as a toddler. His friend did catch up, he's absolutely fine, goes to dance classes even, though I have to say he is not a sports fanatic. Neither is my son.

Thanks, Jimjams. I'm just interested in the subject, no specific reason for wanting to know.

Thank you everyone. Am interested in the book, definitely and ds will have a nice trip to Peckham this pm to go to Woolworths and Argos to look for trampolines. I know he'd love one!

Thanks again everyone. I do feel better - though today I noticed at nursery that he went to join the other children in the garden, found it very hard to negotiate the (little) step into the garden so just turned round and went back indoors. I've told the staff that he needs a bit of help in that area for the moment. Mind you, the way he's (not) settling in ATM, I can see myself going to nursery with him until he's five, anyway

I have zero hand to eye coordination (embarrassingly so) and am totally unathletic (I have always run so slowly that five year olds overtake me - truly) so do fear his 'inability' is my fault. I hope he won't mind too much if he's never captain of games...

You've all been wonderful. Thank you!

Aloha, hope you are feeling a bit better, and not down with the horrible cold that's about?
It sounds to me as if your DS might be towards the lower percentile for athleticism and agility, (if there is such a thing - NOT!) but that as with all those other indices we all worry about, the average is only average because of the ones on the outer reaches....
I have noticed that amongst my DS's friends, the chunkier ones sometimes find things like climbing harder, and the Mum of one thinks that it is because they have a little more weight, but since none of them, skinny or chubby, have much actual or matching strength to deal with their weight, the skinny ones find it easier, and therefore seem a little more agile.
If you were posting a response to someone else concerned about a child who is developing happily and succesfully at their own pace, you'd say sensible and perceptive things about not projecting your own experience onto your little one, and supporting his strengths, and heaven knows enough little boys must be struggling to live up to a stereotype that they are never going to fit. ....but I guess that without burdening them with anxiety, it is possible to help with excercises such as the ones Jimjams mentions. I see you are planning to get him a pedal car...have you tried Tumble Tots? (we went for a try out this a.m, bit expensive, I thought, and a bit structured for any junior anarchists, but they were v good at introducing physical skills in a quite careful way. There's one quite near you...). Do you go to the Soft Play facility at the Pulse?.
Take another Lemsip,and thank your lucky stars you're not - and may never have to - standing on the edge of a muddy playing field in an ear-shredding icy gale watching five-year olds playing footie!