DS1 is just 4. He's a fab little boy - bright, funny, confident and loving.
He's also got a firm set of opinions that he doesn't see as mattering any less than ours 
so we do have the odd battle of wills. And he's developed a bit of a pre-teen swagger the last few weeks, so we've had the odd spit or muttered 'bad word'.
DH and I agreed not to smack before having DC, and used time-outs till it became a separate discipline problem to keep him on them for the allotted time. Now we mostly use confiscation of toys for set times, which is clear and seems to work fine.
However, my parents seem to think it's outrageously strict. On holiday last week, DS1 used a swear-word and then chucked a tantrum at bath-time and DH spent half an hour dealing with him - explaining the consequences if he didn't apologise, carrying him up to bed, reiterating that he would lose toys for the next day etc etc etc.
It probably sounded awful, bathroom acoustics being what they are. DS1 was also asking for a cuddle (which to him ends the incident, so DH had to say no, they had to finish talking first).
At no point did DH shout, or smack.
My family appear to be avoiding us, and my dad blanked DH for the rest of the evening. I THINK they're just being idiots, but DH and I are really upset and starting to wonder if we're dreadful abusive parents.
Are we? FWIW, DS1 was perfectly cheerful the next day and told DH that he'd 'needed to learn not to say those words' and that he'd be telling the friend he learned them from, too...