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my 2.3 yo dd is terrified of her uncle!

8 replies

bourneville · 29/11/2005 15:38

It's been like this ever since she was a baby! She has always been generally shy, esp of strangers, but she is now so much more confident & outgoing - except with him. We went to theirs for lunch the other week and she burst into tears at the door and refused to come in, I had to carry her in. We don't see him that often, I know she probably just needs to spend more time with him, but it's a bit embarrassing. He swears it doesn't bother him, he doesn't take it personally but I'm sure it does really. He doesn't like baby talk and talks to her in a very cool casual sort of way " all right dude? how ya doing?" kind of thing, which will be fantastic when she's a bit older, but for now she just doesn't seem to know how to take him! It's also weird cos at the moment she's going through a phase of relating really well to my other male friends, esp my boyf, so he is the odd one out...

Anyone else similar experiences of this?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
hornbag · 29/11/2005 15:58

My DD was really scared/wary of my brother for a while but he is 6'6" with a long hair and a big dark beard so quite a few people are scared of him!
On a serious note is there something like beard, moustache, glasses, loud voice etc that shes put off by?

Scatterbrain · 29/11/2005 16:01

My DD was petrified of beards when she was little ! Used to run away from grandpa all the time !

polly28 · 29/11/2005 16:04

my ds was really scared of my mum!!

Still not that enamoured with her but is much better.Generally he takes to scary looking men much better than sweet older ladies[weird child]!

I just ignored the behaviour as best I could although it really bothered me.He is gradually growing better with old ladies.

Not a lot you can do ,just wait for her to get used to his manner and looks.Don't make a big thing of it.

bourneville · 29/11/2005 18:04

He is fairly big with deep voice & longish hair. no beard though, perhaps stubbly sometimes... It's true, he is the most intimidating of all my male friends! I remember her being scared of my dad for a little while when she was a baby, but she grew very quickly out of it and adores him now!

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marne · 29/11/2005 18:21

My dd is scared of my SIL, screems her head of when she comes near her and shakes with fear, my SIL finds it very upseting as she would love to get to know dd beter. I dred going over her house as i know dd will kick off and SIL will get upset,we hav'nt been over her house for 6 months as it is a long way to traval and have to take her home after 5 min because shes screeming.

bourneville · 29/11/2005 19:11

Marne, I think that's a bad idea to leave after 5 mins, surely it's giving her the message that she's right to be terrified? Not long after we arrived at my sister's (actually he's my sister's boyf) I wanted to go into the kitchen where he was cooking & look at the photos my sister had put up on the cupboards there, and dd kicked up a fuss cos she didn't want to come with me & didn't want to be left alone in the living room either. I was about to indulge her but suddenly thought, no, hang on, it's not actually dangerous in the kitchen! So I left her to it, and when she didn't stop crying I went back and picked her up and brought her into the kitchen (she did actually want to see the photos y'see) and distracted her by showing her the photos. She was happy looking at them, and learnt in the process that nothing bad would happen in the vicinity of my sister's boyf! An hour later we couldn't persuade her to go alone with him to the kitchen though, even though it was to get some crisps!

I'm not saying to be scornful or dismiss a child's fears or really force them to do something they really don't want to do, they need lots of reassurance, but I think actually giving up and leaving might reinforce the fears? Anyone think I'm right or wrong? I was the one who after all started this thread for advice, look at me trying to give it!!

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marne · 30/11/2005 15:27

Cant leave her to long as she makes herself sick after crying for 5 min(which i find embarissing) and SIL gets upset and cant stay in the same room.

bourneville · 30/11/2005 21:15

Oh dear, it sounds worse than my dd is! As long as she is clinging close to me she does calm down after a few minutes but she doesn't leave my side.
Don't know what to suggest then if you're actually having to leave! Does your SIL ever visit you and would that make a difference, being in her own home? Or would it make a difference if there were a few other people there that she knows well & likes?

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