My nursery says my 16th month may have special needs as he plays on his own??!!!

[pudding137]

Just returned from a parents chat session with my nursery. Within a couple of minutes his 'teacher' or whatever you call them at such a young age said that they had concerns about my wee boy as he only enjoys playing by himself and he had a poor grasp of concentration. She then went on to bring in the woman in charge of special needs to ask me some further questions, such as does he have any friends outside of here to play with as if all I ever did with him was take him round the shops! At this point I must state that he has a lovely temperment, never agressive always smiling and I make a point seeing as though I am a stay at home mum to do something really fun with him every day whether its swimming, the animal park or the play center and yes he does play with other children absolutely fine ! They also said he hates loud noises and cant sit in the piano session anymore as he gets in such a state. His nursery is a Montessori as well, Im not sure if their method of learning means they expect more from him, to me he is stilll a baby ! I just wanted to put this out there as I was very upset when I came back and feel I really do the best for him and maybe he is just shy at nursery, surely it doesnt mean there is anything more wrong with him than that does it?

Sorry for going on xx

Hi, Ive only really read your initial post so apologies if this has already been brought up. From what I know of SN, and its not much but my girl is currently being investigated for a developmental delay (she's 18 months), so I ahve been reading a bit, I would assume they mean that your child has trouble allowing someone to join in with his play. This is a little different from being able to play together with otehr children (that comes later) but is more that he has his 'own agenda' when playing. I think it tends to be associated with autism (not saying he has autism). This tallies a bit with the other things they mention - about a child finding it difficult to take on board stimuli (piano etc) - something children with autsim or other issues can find difficult (so they try to screen out noises etc).

I would be reassured that a nursery or other care giver is bringing this up as it shows they are paying attention to your child. It may be a passing phase or not indicate much at all but early intervention is the best thing for many of these things so I would go with getting things checked out. By all means ask the teacher to specify more precisely what she means and explain. I hope this is helpful.

Ok, whilst I would always say that a parent should listen to concerns of experienced staff, in this case I'm not sure they can be that good or experienced if they are suddenly brandishing about terms like special needs when discussing a 16mth old.

I'm an ex early years teacher with extra training based around picking up early signs of developmental delay and even in a nursery setting with 3and4 yr olds I would never suggest to a parent that their child has sn as I'm not qualified to make that diagnosis. The furthest I would go would be to suggest a trip to the hv as I'd noticed something that could be something or could be nothing but worth getting checked.

I'd say the adversion to the piano and loud noise could be a red flag in a 2.5 or 3 yr old but not in a baby of 16 mths as thousands of nt kids hate loud noises at that age. Also, it would be very rare to see anything other than parallel play ay his age.

Right, if they're hinting at some form of asd with the noise and play thing and you're worried then see your hv and ask her to do the CHAT test usually done at 18 mths and can suggest which kids need looked at further. Does he have joint attention? Showing you things etc? Does he copy you if you, say, bang two blocks together? Does he point at objects of interest like ducks? Does he look when you point?

If he's struggling with these things then have a word with your hv (though it doesn't mean something is def wrong) if he's doing all those things at 16 mths then I don't think you need to worry about a communication disorder.

Hth

As everyone else here has said, 16 month olds don't generally play with other children - nearer to 3 would be more usual. It is completely normal for children younger than 3 or so to not be at all interested in making 'friends' - many (the majority, probably) are not at all developmentally ready for that.

My daughter hates loud noises and as far as we know she is completely 'normal', whatever that means. She just hates loud noises! If anything she's a little bit sensitive, but that's just part of her nature and character - your boy is probably a sensitive soul too.

I know people have said don't dismiss the nursery's concerns out of hand and I do see why that's been said, but equally I would be a bit worried if the nursery staff knew so little about child development that they thought a 16 month old playing alone was abnormal.

I didn't have much time before but really would second spottyfrock in terms of things to look out for.

Just to add that if you google CHAT test or I think MCHAT then you can have a look at it yourself. It may help you sleep better tonight. However, don't forget that a) it's for 18mth olds and b) it is just a screening tool not a diagnostic test therefore only flags up children who warrant further investigation, some of which may turn out not to have any problems whatsoever.

Hi op, how are you feeling now? Hope your not as upset as you were. Nursery nurses are not qualified to make a diagnosis of special needs.

He sounds like a typical 16mth old. X

When picking DD up from nursery I have asked how old other babies are and the staff in her room (up to about 20 months) generally only know if they are under or over 1 (except for the tiny ones). Given the number of part time children a 12 child room can easily have 25 children in total. So I wouldn't be surprised if they have lost track of his age if he is tall.

Hi pudding, just wondered how you were feeling about it all now. Have they said anything else?
The other thread about the over zealous nursery nurse diagnosing developmental delay reminded me of your thread. Hope you've managed to put the conversation behind you.

Hi there, thanks for all your replies. He went back to nursery on tues afternoon after me taking him swimming in the morning, where incidentally he played or should I say paddled next to a little girl and they shared watering cans together quite happily. I explained to his teacher I was concerned with what she had said as he is never like that in my company etc so she suggested he may be bored in the baby and toddler room and they would try him in the next room up. On collecting him they said he loved it in the new class and came back to spend the last couple of hrs in his normal room where he happily played with the other children! So who knows !!

All in all I think I'm not going to take it all so seriously, he has been to a farm park this morning playing in a play house with total strangers and was great and he doesn't get upset with loud noises when I'm around. I will definitely take their comments on board and will speak to a hv if I see anything to make me suspicious and will be back in touch!! Thanks again everyone xx