14 month old tantrums in public places

[ruty]

my ds is 14 months, happy, bright, points and has a few words. However, in the last couple of months, he has been really difficult whenever we go out. If we take him into town he screams constantly and wants to be carried. If i go to a mother baby group he wants to take all the books out of the book shelf on the other side of the room, or tip all the crayons out of the box, the other kids seems so gentle in comparison! He is getting better at the swings and in the park, though still screams blue murder when i have to put him in the pram. We had a play mate around the other day and tho he was excited to see him, he was so rough, he pushed him and patted him [more like whacked him!] on the head. I was clear with him that that was not a nice thing to do. At music classes he always screams when we have to give an instrument back whereas the other children don't seem to mind. I love my boy and i'm proud of his irrepressible spirit. but i just wonder if i can do anything about his tantrums and his screaming. I wonder if it is because he spends too much time at home with me. Any ideas?

I just said 'No!' loudly and moved him away from play mate. I would NEVER do anything else!

did you move him right away to somewhere boring? or did you let him keep on playing? because I don't think he's too young for a minutes time out

I wasn't insinuating anything else

DD shrieks and arches her back when I put her in the buggy too .. its a phase they grow out of (just don't let the shrieks win)

ok sorry twiglett! I just moved him away, i didn't stop him playing. How would time out work?

we used to use the bottom step of the stairs .. just say No firmly like you do, carry him out and sit him down on it and walk away / turn your back.. when DS was that little I used to say every ten seconds 'when you calm down you can come back and play'

and then once its over its over .. but lots of positive praise / over the top voices for good / nice play

he is just so uncomfortable and hyper when we go out. Different at home. I'm guessing this is normal but a bit worried because he used to watch too much TV [cbeebies] tho now we don't have it on at all, and i wonder if its over stimulated him.

thing is i can;t imagine him calming down in that situation! I can imagine him screaming until he turns blue and longer tho.

he might be uncomfortable with crowds .. it might be over-stimulating him?

especially as its really busy and bright near winter

personally at this age, I'd try to avoid triggers for tantrums as well

think its quite normal for toddlers to be slightly over-exuberant on playdates .. also to totally ignore other children .. because they know no better so I wouldn't worry about that

my ds (now 26m) used to be exactly like that. He was such a lovely boy at home, but when we went out anywhere he was completely opposite. I found it really hard but stopped giving him everything he wanted on demand and also cut out chocolate and crisps completely (I don't know if he is allowed those?). I think when you're at home your attention is completely focussed on them and their needs, when you go out there are other things that have to take priority.

Ruty:

"but a bit worried because he used to watch too much TV [cbeebies] tho now we don't have it on at all, and i wonder if its over stimulated him"

Please don't worry, I'll stake my life on the fact that letting him watch too much Cbeebies hasn't led to him being 'over stimulated' and the behaviours you have described here. (Although it's good that you now limit his tv watching, because whilst it has its' place most experts believe it is in moderation).

I'm sure it is nothing that you have done or not done - just that some babies and toddlers are more 'exuberant' than others. It will settle down.
Just keep praising his positive behaviour...etc

no chocolate or crisps here, because is on quite a restricted diet due to food allergies, but he eats quite healthily. its funny, isn't it, how they can be so sweet at home and then so difficult out. He does scream at home when i change his nappy or give him a bath [both recent developments] but otherwise happy.

thanks hmc - that makes me feel better! because he goes to bed late he often ends up watching tv with his dad in evenings, even worse, which i'm trying to curtail at moment.

don't worry ruty, it is probably just a phase he is going through. My ds, who is 6 now, was a very challenging (difficult) toddler. In the end I found things like music groups were just too stressful for both of us, so I did things we could manage. Toddlers don't really understand about their behaviour at this stage, they are just pushing the boundaries. Your little boy sounds like he is bright & full of beans, so he might be displaying horrible toddler behaviour earlier than some of his contempories.
I used to try and wear ds out as much as possible & watch him like a hawk in the company of other children. Often that meant that I couldn't sit around chatting or drinking coffee, like I would have wanted to, but it did avoid unpleasant incidents with other children.
They do grow out of it and I think boys are worse than girls. Don't despair.

shock horror admission .. I don't curtail or limit tv watching

and I will also stake my life that tv is not to blame .. both of mine are fairly placid minimal tantrum types .. they just are (nothing I've done I don't think)

the tv thing has never been an issue to me as if I ask DS (4.9) to turn it off, he will without arguing .. so long as I'm not asking him in the middle of something he's watching .. which as a child used to infuriate me

thankyou bugsy2 - its a relief to know it doesn't necessarilly lead to more challenging behaviour later on. He is so bright, he just seems to need lots of attention, and i know what you mean about having to watch him like a hawk when out.

oh good twiglett! thanks for that. will still try to limit evening watching tho, as doesn;t really get him in the mood for bed..and am trying no TV in the day just to see if it helps - don't know how long we'll manage without Miss Hooley though...

you said- " At music classes he always screams when we have to give an instrument back whereas the other children don't seem to mind."

my son, now 17 months, does the same thing. at any playgroup we are at. so at home, before nap or bedtime, i 'have' him help me pick up toys. i let him see me putting the toys away. sometimes he will put a toy or two away. sometimes not.

but at the playgroups, i (get down on his level) and say to him that its time to put toys away. (or toys bye-bye for now, something to that affect.) if he cries, i just remove him from the area of the toys and let him have his tantrum.

good luck!! and be consistent is the one thing i am constantly being told. its hard, especially on a REALLY bad day. but hang in there.

thanks lunarx - i will try that - its getting slightly better at music class now, he can be distracted, but when he does lose it, he does it big time

Hi Ruty, sympathy on the tantrum front - Tilly has just started at 21 months and did us proud in Ikea on Sat with a full on one! Was just thinking that maybe he could do with an earlier bedtime and a long night's sleep? Tilly is def worse when she is tired although she will happily stay up late on occasion she is better if she is asleep by 8pm at the latest.

yes - bedtime is another battle laundry lover - we count ourselves lucky that now he goes to be nineish when it used to be elvenish! doesn't really do daytime naps either, never really has.

Well that's progress! Keep making a bit earlier I reckon and grit your teeth for the bawling eh? I think he should be getting about 12 hours sleep all in at his age - does that sound about right?

i suppose he does get that - most days - i was just thinking about it, he usually sleeps around 10, 11 hours at night [with a few wake ups - only the boob will do!]and an hour in the day, but sometimes he goes thru the day with nowt. God knows how we'll cope when we try to wean him.

Fingers crossed for weaning! Tilly left the boob at 8 months but has only this week gone cold turkey on her bedtime bottle. You must be knackered if he isn't sleeping through.
By the way my best friend's 2 year old sounds lots like your ds and I know that she follows all the 'rules' - time out etc. I think it just takes time and at least he's going through it now rather than when he's a big strong toddler!

funnily enough we get more sleep now because he sleeps next to us and just gets in to have a quick feed and then falls asleep pretty quickly. So i don't have to get up anymore, but this will have to change at some point!