I don't want to go out any more because of DD's tantrums

[Ivortheengine8]

I'm getting a bit down about it tbh. I'm due again in October so am maybe lacking a bit of energy too but I just can't handle them at the moment. They are arent happening just once a day, they are happening 3-4 times a day. I can deal with it at home but it's so embarrassing and stressful out of the house.
I have always made a point of taking her out of the house for her to get some excersise and fresh air at least once a day as she hates being stuck indoors all day.
She has been walking on her own since the day she turned 10 months and hasn't stopped since. She has been having these full blown crazy tantrums for about 2-3 months. She is now 21 months.

When she doesnt get her way she starts screaming and rolling around on the floor, she won't let me pick her up and I literally have to put my arm around her and put her under my arm to carry her away so she doesnt hurt herself.
It's a lot more managable at home as I say but every day I don't think I want to go out anymore.

I am wondering whether to speak to the midwife about it to get some advice. She listens more to my DH but he doesnt see what I see because he is at work all day and only takes her out now and again.

Mobley, I have started online shopping tbh. Im sure there are places and we do have a few parks around. Its just at the moment being pregnant and cumbersome and as I dont drive here so I use the bus when DH is at work.
Any other time I would walk to the park every now and again.

I am seriously thinking that I am going to need a double buggy now though.
I have bought a new single pram for dc2 in the hope that dd would walk most places but I dont think that will work if she continues like this. Possibly buggy board?
What do you think?

My DS is now 4.3 and is (thankfully) growing out of his tantrum version, but I've been there, and lots of other mums have to. Remember, many of the other mums with children looking at you are probably thinking "thank goodness its not mine!".

I live in a village, and have been found walking along with a DS crying, shouting etc with me holding his hand and keeping my head up and eyes front. I have been asked for him to leave the village shop as he was so loud the shop assistant couldn't hear the customers (and then had to stand outside and shout my order in when it was my turn!). One lady came out of her house once as we were going past to check everything was alright as DS was making such a racket.

He did eventually suss that I wasn't going to give in, and now is generally amenable to most things.

Re the wanting other things in shops - I found with DS that it's best if I remind him just as we are going in what is going to happen, ie that we are going to get x only, not a, b, or c; or that we are looking today, not buying etc etc.

I would definitely get a double buggy. It's so much easier. I bet money that your DD, when she sees baby in buggy, will insist on also being in buggy. Slings are absolutely great too, but my back ached sometimes and there is nothing better than sleeping baby and toddler in buggy. Bliss!

Plus, you can put all your shopping, nappies, drinks, toys etc etc in the buggy.

I have an Out'n'about Nipper- it is great. I still use it now for both boys and DS1 is 3.5ys, DS2 is 21mths. I had a slightly smaller age gap than you but should imagine you will experience much the same issues when out.

I found it much safer to have both boys strapped in the buggy than baby in buggy and toddler free to run if that makes sense?

I am sure my little foster boy has the biggest tantrums ever. Far bigger than I have ever seen in my life. Today he resembled someone from the exorcist. Happy days!!

I have the out and about nipper 360 too - fantastic pram, light and turns on a penny.

DD is 2.8 and DS is 13 months - a 19 month gap.

It is really useful to have somewhere for DD to rest if we are out for ages, or somewhere to put her if she cannot stick to the boundaries needed (ie we are looking but not touching all the things in the shop). If she wants to be carried she gets the 'walk or pram' choice.

I've a mini backpack for her too which has a lead to clip on. Handy near roads when I am distracted with the pram and lets her have her hands free to collect leaves and other 'treasures'. She finds it uncomfortable holding my hand for any length of time.

You probably already do this, but I find DD is MUCH calmer when she is given a 5 minute then 2 minute warning - ie Dinner is going to be ready in 5 mins, so 5 mins more cbeebies then we are turning it off. Then, dinner will be in 2 mins, so 2 mins more cbeebies then we are turning it off. Very rarely fails now. Same for everything - going up to the bath, getting out of the bath, leaving the park, leaving the library etc etc.

It will pass. I found it much easier with a baby and toddler than being pregnant and having a toddler - and I had an elcs second time round.

Lovethesea, I also have the backpack which I use when she is walking. we have a littlelife one - they are fantastic.

Yeah for someone else who says it will get easier!

TBW I made it to the park today and we saw a few tantrums as well as our own!

Ivor I'm glad you made it out to the park today. No mega tantrums here today but I'm dreading the next one. It's hard to say if DS's behaviour is a direct result of me having DD or just normal toddler behaviour, but it has definitely got worse since DD was born. I think my patience levels are worse due to being tired and so everything seems harder when you're tired, doesn't it!

Thank god for online shopping hey! DS tried to get out of the trolley the last time I took him the little monkey

Thanks for the tips too everyone. I'm going to try that 5min/2min one as I have only been giving the one warning. Maybe a staggered approach will help.

I've got a Nipper 360 double too but haven't used it as I don't have a newborn cocoon thingy and DD is a sling addict. I also got a buggy board for the single and DS has the choice of walking or going on the board. I got a wrist strap too which I attach to the pram and make him hold when we're walking on busy roads as I'm nervous he'll flee, even though he hasn't yet!

Thanks Caramel, I hope things get a bit easier for you. I think we have to try and console ourselves that it will only be a couple of years
Thank God for online shopping!
How are you finding the buggy board?
I am going to get one and try it out as well.

The buggy board was easy to sell to DS as a skateboard and we put it on the buggy before having DD so he could get used to it and not feel like it was another change when DD arrived. It's a bit harder to push the buggy but once you get the hang of it it's fine. What buggy do you have?

I think if you don't drive and will be doing long walks then a double is probably useful as even on the board DS gets whiney tired and I have had to resort to putting DD in the sling and letting him go in the buggy even in parent-facing mode. A bit of faffage but nevermind.

Hope you've got a bit of a break this weekend and can get some rest!

I well remember being 38 wks pregnant and sitting on a low wall while ds1 lay on the pavement having a huge tantrum. (I was too exhausted to do anything else).

A little old lady stepped carefully round him, smiled at me and said "they all go through it love".