Had to take screaming DD (2.5 years) to nursery in just her nappy - feel v bad

[bepi01]

DD has not liked going to nursery for a while now (she can't tell me why)as she has become more aware of herself and her likes/dislikes. She apparently likes it when she is there but dislikes going saying she would rather stay in bed or stay at home.

Today was the worst it has been where she would not get out of bed or let me dress her/dress herself. I waited until the last possible moment (they stop serving breakfast at 8.15 and I also need to be in work for 9am) and said we had to go and if she didn't agree to getting dressed by the time I'd counted to five (we use this a lot - somtimes works) then I would have to carry her and put her in the car as she was with just a nappy on. She just looked down and sat there so after I'd counted I had to pick her up and carry her out. She was kicking and screaming and holding on to door frames. I gave her a hug when we got outside and she tried to leg it back inside so I had to put her in her car-seat and just drive, trying to distract her on the way to nursery and sing to her etc.

Once I'd taken her into the nursery she stopped crying and in a quiet corner agreed to put her top on. She then started crying again though when I handed her over.

I don't know if I'm doing this right, if she's trying it on or if there is really something wrong. I feel so guilty. I'm dropping my work days and so her nursery days to 3 from 4 in August so I hope that helps. I think she finds nursery a bit full on in terms of the number of children and the fact that many are bigger and older than her.

Does anyone have this trouble?

My dd started playschool at 2 and 4 months. She went for 5 months and then I took her out as she hadn't settled any better. I had been led to believe she had been fine.

I think at 2.5 that you ought to be able to get her dressed regardless of whether she 'lets' you. By that I mean sometimes ds2 would rather not get dressed or put shoes on. Tough - if he doesn't cooperate, I'll do it regardless.

I can see that people might have just as much problem with this (fact that I use the fact that I am bigger and stronger to get children dressed even if they don't want to). But personally I think that is preferable to taking nearly naked child of only 2.5 to nursery. If she's already having issues about nursery, then rocking up in just a nappy and having negative connotations might not help make nursery a positive thing. DS1 loathed pre-school for a good while, but got over it. If the arrival had been marred by humiliation/confusion would have been much worse I think.

I also think that 2.5 is still so young - too young IMO (and again, just the way I feel) for a child to be reasoned with/recognise the implications of "get dressed or go in your nappy". Just a bit harsh.

Agree with pooka, my daughter refused nursery for a while and was 2.5 but as long as she had a good morn all was fine, didnt say we were going, got up earlier got dressed, brekkie and a play, then just a 'lets go out' not great when we got there but she got used to it! they all go thru it, just be patient and make it happy for them, it will get better!

My dd started nursery at 3years old and cried every time she went for the whole year. Horrrrrrrible

I took my six year old to school in just his pants and shoes and socks the other day because he refused to get dressed.

Would a smaller, quieter nursery help?
Could you wake her up earlier and have breakfast together, a calmer start to the day, blood sugers will be more even too!

Bad day, we all have them. ((((Hugs))))

Small snack in the morning? Ds went through a phase round that age of having to have a cup of milk first thing or was hellspawn!

My ds has loved nursery since 11mo but doesn't like having to get dressed at all. He tends to sleep in a t-shirt so he wears that if it's reasonably clean, so if he's playing up I just have to get trousers on him and strap him in the pushchair, shoes to be added later.
But generally the promise of a small tub of Cheerios or juice gets him moving in the right direction - if he eats too much I tell nursery so they don't let him have seconds (he wouldn't eat lunch ever until we cut down his breakfast).

Ds also hates being hot, so is often stripped down to his nappy at nursery or home if even a loose shirt is too much for him. I wouldn't worry about that.

Maye a CM would suit her better. My DC started off at a creche, really didnt take to it. I took them out and got a lovely CM who had a child of her own plus minded another boy so was a nice balance. They settled in great from the first day! didnt even cry when i left anf have been with her ever since :)

Thanks guys. Really helpful stuff. I tired giving her milk and Cheerios this morning and it was better. Very tearful in bed and then when I handed her over but she was better having some time to play/snack before going so I may wake her up earlier so we can have a good 45 mins before I need to get out of the door (rather than 20 at present). Also looking into smaller nurseries as this may help.

Tough one. I think it is important to follow through on your 'threats' - but I wouldn't make that threat again! 2.5 is old enough to feel really stressed by being taken out with no clothes on. But I do think it's old enough to understand simple consequences - good and bad.

Why not explain the night before that if she is ready for nursery quickly tomorrow, she will have time to (insert treat here). Then keep reminding her of this waiting treat all though the morning dressing procedure - and use your standard consequence (naughty spot?) if she refuses to co-operate. "It is a shame that you are being slow to get dressed, I hoped there would be time to play ball." interspersed with "this is your last chance to let me put on your (top/vest etc)" followed by calm consequence if necessary - then praise when they give in and reminder of waiting treat. Repeat as necessary for each item of clothing (pick simple outfits!) Start early, or you will be panicking about the time and not able to stay calm.

I personally think that 2.5 is too old to be forced into clothes, as they are strong so you have to use a lot of force to achieve this.

My dd got very upset about going to nursery at about 2 yrs old (she had been there from 12 weeks and used to love it). It got bad enough that we started to worry about the care she was getting. We moved her at 2.4 and she settled in to the new one immediately.

I've gone on a bit there - I hope some of it's helpful!

I think your idea to wake her up earlier and spend time with her in the morning hugging, talking, playing etc is a really really good idea. When I had problems getting DD to nursery, a child psychologist asked me to think about the differences between routines in nursery day/ non nursery day. They couldn't have been more different! One was rushed, shouty, late and the other very very slow with time for everything. Basically we tried to make nursery mornings a bit less rushed, which meant getting up earlier, which meant getting her to bed earlier- not easy but reaped massive benefits.

She's also a good age to read books about nursery and talk about it- Maisy goes to nursery etc ?

Interesting how many different views people have on the getting dressed thing! I tend to subscribe to two ideas: around 2and a half, what they wear ( and dont wear) becomes part of the world that they can have control over, so you can expect a bit of refusing to ge dressed/ staying naked / going to the supermarket dressed as a fairy / wearing pjs all day. Its a normal part of development, and like all powers can be used for good or evil ie rebelling against your wish to dress them. I personally don't get physical over this because of my second view which is, unless your child wants to go naked on public transport or dress as Buzz Lightyear at a wedding, its probaby not important what they wear. My DC wanted to wear pjs and a dressing gown to go shopping and have coffee on Saturday morning, so that's what happened. Didnt notice any funny looks. DH wasnt happy but what did he think would happen?

I wouldn't force my 2.5 year old to get dressed and haven't since she was under 2. I'm not happy with the amount of force required - she absolutely hates being physically forced to do something and will fight like anything, and I would be very worried about hurting her.

Tears at nursery drop-off are awful. DD has been going to the same nursery since she was 1 and we mostly have good drop-offs (although she took a long time to settle initially). But she goes through phases of really awful drop-offs where she sobs and has to be peeled off me. It coincides with her being generally unsettled at home as well so I do'nt think it's actually due to the nursery but her overall emotions - currently it's probably because I now have 8week old DD2. It does make me wonder whether I'd be better off switching to a childminder but as she's happy 10 minutes after I've left I'll stick it out a bit longer and see if she settles down again.

Do you think she might be hungry? If she has slept for 10-12 hours and then has to wait until she gets to nursery before she has anything to eat, her little tummy may be very empty - and that's enough to make anyone feel grouchy. You could try a beaker of milk as soon as she wakes up, and see if that is enough to get her through until breakfast time? Failing that, 2 small breakfasts surely wouldn't casue a problem for a 2.5 year old - it's not as though they sit down for longer than 2 seconds at a time!

I am pretty certain that at 2.5yrs your child will not be traumatised or humiliated by going to nursery in a nappy.

I would however try and make things happier all round. Would a CM be possible?